Paranormal Adventures
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "The Guardians Gather"Case Studies of Hauntings
70 total reviews
Comment from Cindy Warren
I've been catching up on the story. Things are beginning to heat up. I worry about Mia. She seems too fragaile for this sort of thing. Luke's going to learn a lot in a hurry, isn't he? I don't think he really grasps the danger.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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I've been catching up on the story. Things are beginning to heat up. I worry about Mia. She seems too fragaile for this sort of thing. Luke's going to learn a lot in a hurry, isn't he? I don't think he really grasps the danger.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Hi, Cindy
Thanks for your interest and great review. Just want to let you know that I am going to be re-editing the chapters as I go and there may be some plot and characters changes. Anyway, thanks so much for caring to read! :) Bev
Comment from Joy Graham
"fell back (unto) the floor." - should it be "onto"?
"Compass Star patterned Amish quilt on the queen-sized bed" - I'm a quilter and appreciate seeing this in the story :)
"over herself and (feel) asleep immediately" - should be "fell" I think.
I like the sound of this bed and breakfast but would likely pass on the pancakes. I am a fussy eater.
Oooh, ghosts that talk to each other. I am glued to this story :)
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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"fell back (unto) the floor." - should it be "onto"?
"Compass Star patterned Amish quilt on the queen-sized bed" - I'm a quilter and appreciate seeing this in the story :)
"over herself and (feel) asleep immediately" - should be "fell" I think.
I like the sound of this bed and breakfast but would likely pass on the pancakes. I am a fussy eater.
Oooh, ghosts that talk to each other. I am glued to this story :)
Comment Written 25-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2012
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Looks like this one definitely needs a fresh look. Thanks for spotting the SPAG's Joy. The menu offered at the B&B is from their website. It sounds like an amazing place to stay. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Magic Wand
Grasping a worn rosary, she pulled the bed quilt over herself and feel asleep immediately. s.b. fell asleep
While I am familiar with most of the terms and verbiage, I do like the author notes and vocabulary you provide.
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011
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Grasping a worn rosary, she pulled the bed quilt over herself and feel asleep immediately. s.b. fell asleep
While I am familiar with most of the terms and verbiage, I do like the author notes and vocabulary you provide.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2011
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Hi, Magic. I've been learning, as I go along, the importance of remembering that this is an international site. A rosary is common to me as a Cathlic, but not to a lot of others. So, thanks for pointing out the importance of terms in writing for this wide audience range. Also, I really appreciate your interest in this chapter! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from closetpoetjester
NOW things are starting to heat up. So why am I getting cold shivers? Brrrrrrrrrrrrr! I liked the very start of this chapter in the italics and the way you introduced some of the incident to do with Charles's demise. It linked it to the next part well and flowed on perfectly and glad you are syphoning off little tidbits of info to the reader to help them piece the story together. The scene in the bathroom when Mia was filling the bath creeped me out a bit and I liked the way she just took it in her stride and just had a good soak. She seems determined to solve this mystery and seems to be approaching it with the right frame of mind...a rested one. The plot is starting to thicken nicely and your story telling creates quite haunting imagery and I am definitley going to continue reading this in the daytime...I can't wait to see what Charles has in store for these people. Great job Bev. Excellent narration.
Closet xo
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2011
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NOW things are starting to heat up. So why am I getting cold shivers? Brrrrrrrrrrrrr! I liked the very start of this chapter in the italics and the way you introduced some of the incident to do with Charles's demise. It linked it to the next part well and flowed on perfectly and glad you are syphoning off little tidbits of info to the reader to help them piece the story together. The scene in the bathroom when Mia was filling the bath creeped me out a bit and I liked the way she just took it in her stride and just had a good soak. She seems determined to solve this mystery and seems to be approaching it with the right frame of mind...a rested one. The plot is starting to thicken nicely and your story telling creates quite haunting imagery and I am definitley going to continue reading this in the daytime...I can't wait to see what Charles has in store for these people. Great job Bev. Excellent narration.
Closet xo
Comment Written 15-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2011
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Hi, closet. I sure do appreciate you taking time out to read and offer insights into this chapter. I really think you've offered me some good perspectives. My writing seems to be evolving with the story - which is good thing, since I started out so new at it. Thanks for the good nuts and bolts critique. I wish I you on my shouler when I write these. Your support and interest mean a lot! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, bev, i enjoyed reading this chapter, the spectres gathering together to try to protect mia from the murderous charles. i like your descriptions.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2011
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this is very well written, bev, i enjoyed reading this chapter, the spectres gathering together to try to protect mia from the murderous charles. i like your descriptions.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2011
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Hi, sweet. Thank you so much for your excellent and generous reviews. Really glad you liked the chapter! Kind regards, Bev
Comment from missy98writer
Bev,
your supernatural story is very written an a very enjoyable read. Your story paints a picture in the readers head. Marvelous narrative, great dialogue and very good descriptive writing. You managed to established a setting, conflict, and a resolution to your story. I like how you shot the past then shift to 2010. I enjoyed your description about the room Lisa led the tow gentlemen to: "The room had a Compass Star patterned Amish quilt on the queen-sized bed, floral needlepoint canvases on the walls and a settee sprinkled with pillows in colors complementing the bed quilt." I immensely enjoyed your supernatural tale. You did an excellent job. Have a blessed weekend.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2011
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Bev,
your supernatural story is very written an a very enjoyable read. Your story paints a picture in the readers head. Marvelous narrative, great dialogue and very good descriptive writing. You managed to established a setting, conflict, and a resolution to your story. I like how you shot the past then shift to 2010. I enjoyed your description about the room Lisa led the tow gentlemen to: "The room had a Compass Star patterned Amish quilt on the queen-sized bed, floral needlepoint canvases on the walls and a settee sprinkled with pillows in colors complementing the bed quilt." I immensely enjoyed your supernatural tale. You did an excellent job. Have a blessed weekend.
Melissa.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2011
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2011
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Hi, Missy. A few other reviewers mentioned the decor descriptions, too. I'm trying to remember to make the surroundings, or milieu, more a part of my stories - so your comments have really cemented that. Your review is spectacularly thorough, as usual. I so appreciate your generosity, Melissa. You are a true gem. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from RaymondJohn
Great appetizer at the beginning. I really wanted to know what was going on. Mr. Bellingham is a very good villain and I want to know what's going to happen next. Ray.
reply by the author on 31-May-2011
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Great appetizer at the beginning. I really wanted to know what was going on. Mr. Bellingham is a very good villain and I want to know what's going to happen next. Ray.
Comment Written 31-May-2011
reply by the author on 31-May-2011
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Hi, Ray. Thanks so much for checking out my chapter. Glad you liked what you read...I'm having fun with it and have lots more spooky stuff in mind! I so appreciate your generous and supportive review. Take care, Bev
Comment from DIS-illusioned
--"Charles Bellingham brutally murdered his wife, Catherine and her lover Phillipe Mansaur."
I understand your hurt and gripe, Charley boy. But your reaction is quite over the top. :)
--"Red blotted out the pattern of the wallpaper where fists met the solid surface."
Nice imagery.
--"He licked his wounded hands, distracted for the moment by the taste of blood,"
Ewww!
--"Crawling to his bed, Charles Bellingham - the Lord of the Manor - hid beneath it."
I'm not sure if 'it' is necessary here, as the readers has been told he crawled to the bed, so the 'beneath' must automatically refer to it ... But I could be wrong. :)
--Powerful descriptive image you have here, WFD. Excuse my sexism, but I didn't know 'chicks' had this in them for thrillers ... 'cept for Agatha Christie, of course.
--"The Tipsy Butler bed and breakfast."
Love this name. Wish I could stay at an inn like that. :)
--"claw foot tub"
Geez! I'd rather stay filthy, thank you.
--"carrot cake pancakes with cream cheese frosting"
I'm salivating here. I LOVE food.
--"energy bars packed in my bag"
Oh yeah, those are 'filling' ... Are you kidding me! :)
--"Grasping a worn rosary"
I don't think these are effective against 'real' ghosts.
--I really like this, WFD. Brilliant narration and suspense. You go, girl! Looking forward to the next part.
reply by the author on 30-May-2011
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--"Charles Bellingham brutally murdered his wife, Catherine and her lover Phillipe Mansaur."
I understand your hurt and gripe, Charley boy. But your reaction is quite over the top. :)
--"Red blotted out the pattern of the wallpaper where fists met the solid surface."
Nice imagery.
--"He licked his wounded hands, distracted for the moment by the taste of blood,"
Ewww!
--"Crawling to his bed, Charles Bellingham - the Lord of the Manor - hid beneath it."
I'm not sure if 'it' is necessary here, as the readers has been told he crawled to the bed, so the 'beneath' must automatically refer to it ... But I could be wrong. :)
--Powerful descriptive image you have here, WFD. Excuse my sexism, but I didn't know 'chicks' had this in them for thrillers ... 'cept for Agatha Christie, of course.
--"The Tipsy Butler bed and breakfast."
Love this name. Wish I could stay at an inn like that. :)
--"claw foot tub"
Geez! I'd rather stay filthy, thank you.
--"carrot cake pancakes with cream cheese frosting"
I'm salivating here. I LOVE food.
--"energy bars packed in my bag"
Oh yeah, those are 'filling' ... Are you kidding me! :)
--"Grasping a worn rosary"
I don't think these are effective against 'real' ghosts.
--I really like this, WFD. Brilliant narration and suspense. You go, girl! Looking forward to the next part.
Comment Written 30-May-2011
reply by the author on 30-May-2011
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Hi, Bay K. Hey, thanks so much for your awesome review. Your attention to detail is really amazing...I see why you are a top reviewer. I think you've made some good points, especially about the energy bar LOL. Wonder if you've ever read anything by Patricia Cornwall, now her stuff will give you the screaming meemies. Seriously, I've been unable to finish a few of her books part way through because of the horrible details. Anyway, I really appreciate your support and am glad you liked the chapter. You rock! Warm regards, Bev
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Patricia Cornwall, eh? ... I'll check her out.
Octavia E. Butler is 'superb', though she was a sci-fi writer. But thriller and detail wise, her books are awesome! Check out 'Parable of the Sower' and/or 'Lilith's Brood' --powerful stuff!
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Thanks for the suggestions, Bay K. Yes, in fact, a serial killer at one of the Universities in Florida used ideas from one of her early books. Quite the scandel, but she overcame it to be come one of the best writers, in my opinion, of the genre. Cheers, Bev
Comment from JimmytheStone
Overall excellent work through the body of the piece. I'm not a fan of the genre, but I am of your effort. I'm impressed with the way you pieced the whole thing together. The intro, and the lead in, the main body, and the descriptions after.
One thing I would like to see changed though is in the ninth paragraph where the innkeeper is led off from Mia, the story changes characters abruptly the communication between participants was a bit confusing, I had to re-read that line, also in paragraph sixteen, where Emma did the speaking, while it was Mia doing the action could have been broken into two seperate paragraphs to ease the flow.
Both of these are minor points to an overall excellent work.
Thank you, I appreciated it.
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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Overall excellent work through the body of the piece. I'm not a fan of the genre, but I am of your effort. I'm impressed with the way you pieced the whole thing together. The intro, and the lead in, the main body, and the descriptions after.
One thing I would like to see changed though is in the ninth paragraph where the innkeeper is led off from Mia, the story changes characters abruptly the communication between participants was a bit confusing, I had to re-read that line, also in paragraph sixteen, where Emma did the speaking, while it was Mia doing the action could have been broken into two seperate paragraphs to ease the flow.
Both of these are minor points to an overall excellent work.
Thank you, I appreciated it.
Comment Written 29-May-2011
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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Hi, Jimmy. I really appreciate your suggestions and the time you took to peruse the piece so thoroughtly. I will certainly take a look at the sections you mention with an eye to changing it. Thanks so much for being so generous with your time and rating. Best regards, Bev
Comment from Chuck23
I enjoyed reading your story, writingfundimension! I thought the descriptions were great but not overdone. I love the history that you started with to lead into the current story.
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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I enjoyed reading your story, writingfundimension! I thought the descriptions were great but not overdone. I love the history that you started with to lead into the current story.
Comment Written 29-May-2011
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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Hi, Chuck. Thanks so much for reading the chapter and for your great review! I really appreciate it. Warm regards, Bev
