Toby
Picture inspired story of victims of poverty.39 total reviews
Comment from Debra White
Hello :)
I enjoyed reading your story - I like how the picture inspired your imagination. I believe that the little boy actually IS day-dreaming about his future driving the school bus!
Beautifully written with great descriptions, such as 'when she wipes his runny nose, he has to check to make sure it is still there' - this sentence alone tells us about her physical strength and brusqueness.
Thank you for sharing - much enjoyed :)
Best wishes, Debra
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Hello :)
I enjoyed reading your story - I like how the picture inspired your imagination. I believe that the little boy actually IS day-dreaming about his future driving the school bus!
Beautifully written with great descriptions, such as 'when she wipes his runny nose, he has to check to make sure it is still there' - this sentence alone tells us about her physical strength and brusqueness.
Thank you for sharing - much enjoyed :)
Best wishes, Debra
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Thank you Debra, I really appreciate you thoughtful comments and the review. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Beth
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I love the dialogue here Beth as you bring this terrifying story to life. What a scary woman that Berta is? I expect this little boy gets used to being treated badly and we leave our children in other people's care and hope they are not abused like this. A fine, skilful piece of writing Beth, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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I love the dialogue here Beth as you bring this terrifying story to life. What a scary woman that Berta is? I expect this little boy gets used to being treated badly and we leave our children in other people's care and hope they are not abused like this. A fine, skilful piece of writing Beth, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 25-May-2023
reply by the author on 25-May-2023
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Thank you Dolly. I truly appreciate the review and comments. I'm glad you like dialogue. I was hoping people wouldn't find it insulting. I have known people who talk like that. It felt right for the picture.
Beth
Comment from forestport12
Wow! You really hit it out of the park with realism in the dialogue and the mood of the story too. Loved that sentence, where she "fumed." Some words like that and others take you back to earlier times. "One of my favorites for the 1800s and even early 1900s is "Don't fret none, or Fetch something." Nice work here.
reply by the author on 24-May-2023
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Wow! You really hit it out of the park with realism in the dialogue and the mood of the story too. Loved that sentence, where she "fumed." Some words like that and others take you back to earlier times. "One of my favorites for the 1800s and even early 1900s is "Don't fret none, or Fetch something." Nice work here.
Comment Written 23-May-2023
reply by the author on 24-May-2023
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Thank you for a great review. I enjoyed you comments and I really appreciate the six stars.
Beth
Comment from patcelaw
this is a well written story about a time from the past. I grew up on a farm every small farm but we always had plenty to eat even though her family was considered to be very Power they stricken. My mother was a good cook and she took care of us physically. Our physical needs were met but I am national needs not a great deal. Patricia
reply by the author on 24-May-2023
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this is a well written story about a time from the past. I grew up on a farm every small farm but we always had plenty to eat even though her family was considered to be very Power they stricken. My mother was a good cook and she took care of us physically. Our physical needs were met but I am national needs not a great deal. Patricia
Comment Written 23-May-2023
reply by the author on 24-May-2023
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Thank you Pat. Our income could have probably been considered poverty level but because we grew our food, we had enough to ear too.
Beth
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Goodness, I felt sad for the child. Now days, this would be called child abuse? They had on the news recently that if you see a child experience abuse, we should call the social services. There must be some discipline otherwise it would be a disaster for the child when he gets into school.
reply by the author on 24-May-2023
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Goodness, I felt sad for the child. Now days, this would be called child abuse? They had on the news recently that if you see a child experience abuse, we should call the social services. There must be some discipline otherwise it would be a disaster for the child when he gets into school.
Comment Written 23-May-2023
reply by the author on 24-May-2023
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Thank you Rosemary. When I was growing up. I saw many children grabbed and spanked really hard. I got a few myself, but It didn't occur to anyone back then it was child abuse. They just called it dicipline. The lady probably was very angry at having her tomatoes uprooted and went to far with making sure it didn't happen again.
Comment from royowen
You're right, I'm so glad my dad had a good job, and I'm grateful we could give the girls all they needed when they grew up, it would break my heart to see this with my own...or any child really. This is beautifully written dear Beth, very compassionate, blessings Roy
Typo ; They won't have (to) go off
reply by the author on 24-May-2023
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You're right, I'm so glad my dad had a good job, and I'm grateful we could give the girls all they needed when they grew up, it would break my heart to see this with my own...or any child really. This is beautifully written dear Beth, very compassionate, blessings Roy
Typo ; They won't have (to) go off
Comment Written 23-May-2023
reply by the author on 24-May-2023
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Thank you Roy, It is sad that so many little innocent children have to grow up in poverty. I appreciate your review.
Beth
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Poor kids
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is a delightful story of an earlier time. You painted a clear picture of Toby's life and things a young boy would think about. I'm glad I read your author's notes. As I read the story, I thought you were trying to capture the dialect of poor, maybe southern, black people. The dialect was authentic. However, I couldn't imagine a white woman taking in washing and ironing and caring for poor little black boys. But I guess it could happen. Regardless, this is a well written and creative story.
reply by the author on 24-May-2023
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This is a delightful story of an earlier time. You painted a clear picture of Toby's life and things a young boy would think about. I'm glad I read your author's notes. As I read the story, I thought you were trying to capture the dialect of poor, maybe southern, black people. The dialect was authentic. However, I couldn't imagine a white woman taking in washing and ironing and caring for poor little black boys. But I guess it could happen. Regardless, this is a well written and creative story.
Comment Written 23-May-2023
reply by the author on 24-May-2023
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Thank for the review and for understanding comments. I"m glad you liked it. The writing club gave us that picture to work with and this was what came up for me.
Beth
Comment from lyenochka
That's so heartbreaking to think of a young child yearning for a more normal family life. Poverty makes everything so much harder. You did a great job bringing us into the mind of a child.
ksss and cuddle him. (kiss)
none of this nonsence. (nonsense)
reply by the author on 23-May-2023
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That's so heartbreaking to think of a young child yearning for a more normal family life. Poverty makes everything so much harder. You did a great job bringing us into the mind of a child.
ksss and cuddle him. (kiss)
none of this nonsence. (nonsense)
Comment Written 23-May-2023
reply by the author on 23-May-2023
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Thank you Helen. I appreciate you reviewing and commenting on this.
Beth
Comment from Ric Myworld
Great job of creating characters in a time that appears to be the 1950s or 1960s and give us a look into a poverty lifestyle. Thanks for sharing another fine story.
reply by the author on 23-May-2023
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Great job of creating characters in a time that appears to be the 1950s or 1960s and give us a look into a poverty lifestyle. Thanks for sharing another fine story.
Comment Written 22-May-2023
reply by the author on 23-May-2023
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Thank you Ric. I appreciate the review and comments.
Beth
Comment from Spitfire
Good work of getting into this little boy's mind. Adults like his sitter can terrify these innocent victims. To spank him so hard he can't sit is criminal. At least he had a dream as I hope all children do.
reply by the author on 23-May-2023
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Good work of getting into this little boy's mind. Adults like his sitter can terrify these innocent victims. To spank him so hard he can't sit is criminal. At least he had a dream as I hope all children do.
Comment Written 22-May-2023
reply by the author on 23-May-2023
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Thank you for the review and comments. It is scarry for children to have to spend time with someone who frightens them.
Beth
