haiku (fragile petals fall)
Atraditional Haiku contest entry19 total reviews
Comment from rosah
the bright spring green truly sets off this delightful haiku, and the haiku itself so accurately describes the unveiling of spring..great job! good luck!!!!!
reply by the author on 16-May-2011
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the bright spring green truly sets off this delightful haiku, and the haiku itself so accurately describes the unveiling of spring..great job! good luck!!!!!
Comment Written 16-May-2011
reply by the author on 16-May-2011
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Thanks for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the many stars.
Comment from Writingfundimension
This is a beautiful haiku! Your imagery with its use of color is very effective as is your satori line for me. However, I had a hard time seeing it against the background color. I would suggest you make the letters in Bold. Little things like that can keep people from reading, I've been told many times! Good luck in the contest. Bev
reply by the author on 12-May-2011
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This is a beautiful haiku! Your imagery with its use of color is very effective as is your satori line for me. However, I had a hard time seeing it against the background color. I would suggest you make the letters in Bold. Little things like that can keep people from reading, I've been told many times! Good luck in the contest. Bev
Comment Written 12-May-2011
reply by the author on 12-May-2011
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate your suggestion. Thank you for the many stars.
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Well, I'm no expert so if it helped, I'm glad! Take care.
Comment from AlvinTEthington
This is a good three line poem. However, it's not a quite a haiku. Haiku should have two grammatically interconnected lines of concrete imagery and one line of insight. Here, you have three separate thoughts. The first line is good, but the second one is somewhat abstract and doesn't connect grammatically with the first line. Also you use kigo for two different seasons--summer and spring. This can be done if the haiku captures a moment in time. Does yours? Also, with three adjectives and the 5/7/5 syllabic count, this poem seems heavy to me, which goes against the Japanese aesthetic of elegant simplicity. Finally, the normal way to title this would be haiku (fragile petals fall). If you want to revise, I would be happy to work with you on it. There is strong imagery in the first line.
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
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This is a good three line poem. However, it's not a quite a haiku. Haiku should have two grammatically interconnected lines of concrete imagery and one line of insight. Here, you have three separate thoughts. The first line is good, but the second one is somewhat abstract and doesn't connect grammatically with the first line. Also you use kigo for two different seasons--summer and spring. This can be done if the haiku captures a moment in time. Does yours? Also, with three adjectives and the 5/7/5 syllabic count, this poem seems heavy to me, which goes against the Japanese aesthetic of elegant simplicity. Finally, the normal way to title this would be haiku (fragile petals fall). If you want to revise, I would be happy to work with you on it. There is strong imagery in the first line.
Comment Written 06-May-2011
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
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Thank you so much for the lesson. The one thing I think I had was capture the moment between spring and summer. I was trying for two lines of imagrey and one of insight, one season to the next.
Comment from denhagan
This was an excellent little haiku poem about seasons changing.
Don't have any negative comments.
I enjoyed reading this poem about the changing signs of spring going into summer.
reply by the author on 04-May-2011
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This was an excellent little haiku poem about seasons changing.
Don't have any negative comments.
I enjoyed reading this poem about the changing signs of spring going into summer.
Comment Written 04-May-2011
reply by the author on 04-May-2011
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thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the feedback and the many stars.
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You are quite welcome! ~denhagan
Comment from LoveLifeKnight
is i like it! this poem is so tiny but has a big big bright colorful vision. im not so good at haiku my self, so i congratulate you!
reply by the author on 04-May-2011
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is i like it! this poem is so tiny but has a big big bright colorful vision. im not so good at haiku my self, so i congratulate you!
Comment Written 04-May-2011
reply by the author on 04-May-2011
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the feedback and the many stars.
Comment from Joan E.
I enjoyed your 5-7-5 haiku about seasonal change and the image it evoked. I liked your including alliteration. Best wishes in the contest. -Joan
reply by the author on 04-May-2011
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I enjoyed your 5-7-5 haiku about seasonal change and the image it evoked. I liked your including alliteration. Best wishes in the contest. -Joan
Comment Written 04-May-2011
reply by the author on 04-May-2011
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the feedback and the many stars.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, mystery writer, an enjoyable little haiku, i didn't know there were so many different forms, that's what i like about this website, just learning from others. i wish you the best of luck in the contest
reply by the author on 04-May-2011
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this is very well written, mystery writer, an enjoyable little haiku, i didn't know there were so many different forms, that's what i like about this website, just learning from others. i wish you the best of luck in the contest
Comment Written 04-May-2011
reply by the author on 04-May-2011
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the feedback and the many stars.
Comment from miss joyce
I have learned of, yet another Haiku writing style.
This has graphic imagery which is the essence of this writing style. It follows through from spring to summer nicely. It should do well in the contest. Best wishes!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-May-2011
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I have learned of, yet another Haiku writing style.
This has graphic imagery which is the essence of this writing style. It follows through from spring to summer nicely. It should do well in the contest. Best wishes!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-May-2011
reply by the author on 04-May-2011
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Thanks for reading and reviewing. I appreciate the feedback and the many stars.
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It was a pleasure!
Comment from Emeryald
I liked it, it seemed to move me a little too fast through it, I would have liked to linger longer in the middle and enjoy it
more, it made me feel fresh and cool, thankyou x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-May-2011
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I liked it, it seemed to move me a little too fast through it, I would have liked to linger longer in the middle and enjoy it
more, it made me feel fresh and cool, thankyou x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-May-2011
reply by the author on 04-May-2011
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I appreciate your reading and reviewing. I appreciate the feedback.
