Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Part three chapter three"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
95 total reviews
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
Anna has got to make decisions fast. I enjoyed reading this chapter and have one wordsmithing suggestion:
"My family lives out of state and warned me about Bobby, but I didn't listen." These are two separate statements, and the second one is far more important. I'd make this two sentences, like: "My family lives out of state. They warned me about Bobby, but I didn't listen."
Dave
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
  |
Barbara,
Anna has got to make decisions fast. I enjoyed reading this chapter and have one wordsmithing suggestion:
"My family lives out of state and warned me about Bobby, but I didn't listen." These are two separate statements, and the second one is far more important. I'd make this two sentences, like: "My family lives out of state. They warned me about Bobby, but I didn't listen."
Dave
Comment Written 01-May-2011
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
-
I will make that change. Thank you for your kind review and support. I appreciate both.
Comment from gramalot8
Barbara, a very good chapter as always. I enjoy your ease of writing which draws us as readers right into the middle of the story. Good job, keep writing, and yes, thanks for the stats. Too bad they are so true.
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
|
Barbara, a very good chapter as always. I enjoy your ease of writing which draws us as readers right into the middle of the story. Good job, keep writing, and yes, thanks for the stats. Too bad they are so true.
Comment Written 01-May-2011
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
-
Thank you for the kind review and support.
Comment from Writingfundimension
Your story continues to be very moving and well written. I am really impressed with the way you portray Anna's dignity so well through your words no matter what she faces. It truly makes for a very sympathetic heroine. A most enjoyable chapter! Warm regards, Bev
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
|
Your story continues to be very moving and well written. I am really impressed with the way you portray Anna's dignity so well through your words no matter what she faces. It truly makes for a very sympathetic heroine. A most enjoyable chapter! Warm regards, Bev
Comment Written 01-May-2011
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review and support.
-
You bet!
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is a great chapter, barbara, it saddens me that there is someone out there being abused by their husbands and in some cases, their wives. my cousin was abused by his wife, she ripped a telephone off the wall and bashed him on the back of the head. they put her in the hospital in savannah and someone let her out of her hand ties and she jumped out of the window. your chapters are so tender.
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
|
this is a great chapter, barbara, it saddens me that there is someone out there being abused by their husbands and in some cases, their wives. my cousin was abused by his wife, she ripped a telephone off the wall and bashed him on the back of the head. they put her in the hospital in savannah and someone let her out of her hand ties and she jumped out of the window. your chapters are so tender.
Comment Written 01-May-2011
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review and sharing your story. I am trying to be sensitive to the abused spouses. From the feed back I'm getting abuse hits many families.
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Barbara, things unfurls so well in this chapter. So sad for Anna. I'm glad there's light in the end of the tunnel. But I'm afraid there will be complications ... :( Very interesting.
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
|
Hi, Barbara, things unfurls so well in this chapter. So sad for Anna. I'm glad there's light in the end of the tunnel. But I'm afraid there will be complications ... :( Very interesting.
Comment Written 01-May-2011
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review. You are right there are complications. Soon we will see parts of them.
Comment from BrenParks
I was caught by the story line immediately. It held my attention all the way through and left me wanting more. Anna's feelings are so well conveyed. Troy's caution in proceeding in his pursuit of Anna is admirable. It also showed the difficulty that abused women have in leaving the men that abuse them. It left me wondering whether or not she will leave Bobby after all.
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
 |
I was caught by the story line immediately. It held my attention all the way through and left me wanting more. Anna's feelings are so well conveyed. Troy's caution in proceeding in his pursuit of Anna is admirable. It also showed the difficulty that abused women have in leaving the men that abuse them. It left me wondering whether or not she will leave Bobby after all.
Comment Written 01-May-2011
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
-
Many women do return to the abuser. They see no way out. We will have to wait and see if Anna leaves or not. Thank you for your kind review and support.
Comment from Carolyn Hilliard
This part moves the chapter forward. Her questions, her disorientation sound so possible it creates genuine interest in what Anna will do.
Is there a 1-800- # women can call where someone might be able to get a suggestion that could help?
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
|
This part moves the chapter forward. Her questions, her disorientation sound so possible it creates genuine interest in what Anna will do.
Is there a 1-800- # women can call where someone might be able to get a suggestion that could help?
Comment Written 01-May-2011
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
-
Yes, National Domestic Violence Hotline - 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) and 1-800-787-3224 (TDD)
Each state also has a hot line.
Thank you for your kind review. I will add this number to my author's notes.
-
I really feel that would be a good idea Babara.
-
I added it to my author's notes.
Comment from Jonez08
Once again, I love the incredible pacing of these characters, the inner thoughts and concerns are present, however, they are moving at a pace that allows them to naturally fall in love as well as allow the readers to fall in love right along with them. Their feelings are subtle, but it's happening right before our eyes.
As for chapters lengths, I feel whatever the author wants to do is fine. Fanstory is unlike an actual novel, we have to shorten or lenghtened and end the chapter at a point we feel best. I would never give a low rating based on the the length. Your chapter lengths are fine.
Thanks for the staggering stats. I have a friend who went through this. I'm thankful she finally got out and now is married to a wonderful man.
Her untouched breakfast tray (set) beside the bed
--i think this would be 'sat', however consider (remained)
Cassandra
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
|
Once again, I love the incredible pacing of these characters, the inner thoughts and concerns are present, however, they are moving at a pace that allows them to naturally fall in love as well as allow the readers to fall in love right along with them. Their feelings are subtle, but it's happening right before our eyes.
As for chapters lengths, I feel whatever the author wants to do is fine. Fanstory is unlike an actual novel, we have to shorten or lenghtened and end the chapter at a point we feel best. I would never give a low rating based on the the length. Your chapter lengths are fine.
Thanks for the staggering stats. I have a friend who went through this. I'm thankful she finally got out and now is married to a wonderful man.
Her untouched breakfast tray (set) beside the bed
--i think this would be 'sat', however consider (remained)
Cassandra
Comment Written 01-May-2011
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
-
I have wondered about the set and sat. I honestly searched and couldn't find a clear answer. I was given a three for a short post. I am not lying. She said it was very good, so I asked what I needed to do to improve, she replied she gave me a three because it was too short for a chapter. I explained that it was part of a longer chapter, but the three remained. Thank you for the kind review.
-
3 Stars :(
p.s. i get set/sat confused sometimes, in this case I think it would be set. Nor84 probably can help you out. She's great.
-
Yes, she is.
Comment from MaryMeadid
Another good chapter. I'm enjoying this story and the developing relationship between Anna and Troy. Glad to have Bobby out of the picture- for now.
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
|
Another good chapter. I'm enjoying this story and the developing relationship between Anna and Troy. Glad to have Bobby out of the picture- for now.
Comment Written 01-May-2011
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
-
Bobby will return and soon. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from connied
This section drives the message home very well--I feel emphathetic to this character--will look to see how you solve her problem if there is a solution
brilliant close:
"Ugh, why did I marry this jerk? Why didn't I listen to my parents?" Anna attempted to roll over, but winced in pain. The man who's supposed to love me did this. A total stranger has been kind to me and my son. Without Troy's help I could be dead. How do I get away from my husband? Now I'm forced to find a way to care for myself and Michael. He deserves so much better.
Tears rolled down her cheeks. Not all men are mean. Dad never beat Mom. I'm sure Troy would never hit women. Anna dried her cheeks. Why couldn't I have met someone like him before I married Bobby?
thankyou
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
|
This section drives the message home very well--I feel emphathetic to this character--will look to see how you solve her problem if there is a solution
brilliant close:
"Ugh, why did I marry this jerk? Why didn't I listen to my parents?" Anna attempted to roll over, but winced in pain. The man who's supposed to love me did this. A total stranger has been kind to me and my son. Without Troy's help I could be dead. How do I get away from my husband? Now I'm forced to find a way to care for myself and Michael. He deserves so much better.
Tears rolled down her cheeks. Not all men are mean. Dad never beat Mom. I'm sure Troy would never hit women. Anna dried her cheeks. Why couldn't I have met someone like him before I married Bobby?
thankyou
Comment Written 01-May-2011
reply by the author on 01-May-2011
-
I wonder how many women have had the same thoughts? Thank you for the kind review.
