Paranormal Adventures
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Bellingham Manor"Case Studies of Hauntings
75 total reviews
Comment from dylan49
very interesting it kept me reading it till the very end. Thank you for sharing it with us. If you have the time maybe you could take a read of my poem. I would really appreciate it, trying to get as many reviews and feedback as possible as it's my first poem. thanks!
Dylan
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2011
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very interesting it kept me reading it till the very end. Thank you for sharing it with us. If you have the time maybe you could take a read of my poem. I would really appreciate it, trying to get as many reviews and feedback as possible as it's my first poem. thanks!
Dylan
Comment Written 22-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2011
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Hi, dylan49. Thank you for your excellent review. I will, indeed, check out your profile page. Best regards, Bev
Comment from R. K. Alan
The first chapter I have read of this tale and I want more. Thanks for a delightful read. Sounds as though the caretaker is hiding something. Ray aka R. K. Alan
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2011
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The first chapter I have read of this tale and I want more. Thanks for a delightful read. Sounds as though the caretaker is hiding something. Ray aka R. K. Alan
Comment Written 21-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2011
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Hi, Ray. Yes, indeedy he is! Thanks so much for stopping by to read my chapter. I really appreciate the support, especially from a writer of your excellent abilities and experience! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Showboat
Hi! I was cruising through the forums when I saw your prompt and since this is the kind of stuff I write, I thought I'd pop in and see what you'd offer.
Good for me! I'm going to become a fan as soon as I get done here. I love your voice, I love the word usage and the story is intriguing. Therefore, I'll be 'round a lot.
Below are mostly ideas and one cautionary tale.
Mike noted her puffy eyelids and the dark circles under her eyes. ...You could lose the 'under her eyes' because you've already noted the puffy eyelids. Just a style thing, nothing to stress over.
Due to the early hour, some of the streets were still unplowed; but arrangements had been made to meet Jenkins Porter, the caretaker, by noon.
Besides genre, I see we have many other things in comon, lol, including a love for semicolons. Okay, here's the deal. The semicolon separates two full, complete sentences. It's a short sentence, for the most part, modifying the first. Less is better, always. I have a hard time restraining myself, so I know how you feel!
a very hefty sum of money by today's standards; but no sign of the man or any ... Here's another one where a comma or period and new sentence would suite better.
Check your other semicolons and you'll find that either a period or a comma works.
Well, so nice to make your acquaintence and I'll see you again, soon,
Best,
Gayle
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2011
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Hi! I was cruising through the forums when I saw your prompt and since this is the kind of stuff I write, I thought I'd pop in and see what you'd offer.
Good for me! I'm going to become a fan as soon as I get done here. I love your voice, I love the word usage and the story is intriguing. Therefore, I'll be 'round a lot.
Below are mostly ideas and one cautionary tale.
Mike noted her puffy eyelids and the dark circles under her eyes. ...You could lose the 'under her eyes' because you've already noted the puffy eyelids. Just a style thing, nothing to stress over.
Due to the early hour, some of the streets were still unplowed; but arrangements had been made to meet Jenkins Porter, the caretaker, by noon.
Besides genre, I see we have many other things in comon, lol, including a love for semicolons. Okay, here's the deal. The semicolon separates two full, complete sentences. It's a short sentence, for the most part, modifying the first. Less is better, always. I have a hard time restraining myself, so I know how you feel!
a very hefty sum of money by today's standards; but no sign of the man or any ... Here's another one where a comma or period and new sentence would suite better.
Check your other semicolons and you'll find that either a period or a comma works.
Well, so nice to make your acquaintence and I'll see you again, soon,
Best,
Gayle
Comment Written 21-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2011
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Hi, Gayle. Thank you SO MUCH for your wonderful critique of my story. I'm heading out the door, but will make the changes you suggest when I get back. The one thing that I remember reading about semi-colons is that you use them when there are commas within either end of the connected lines. Then I read other explanations, such as yours, which make sense too. I really need to take a SPAG class online here. Hopefully, soon LOL. I really appreciate your support and interest. As soon as I get a chance, I'll check out your portfolio, too. Again, thanks for your keen eye and interest in making my writing better. Kind regards, Bev
Comment from mbarkersimpson
I enjoyed this chapter very much, despite having missed the first. It's my kind of genre and held my interest throughout. They are an interesting team. I will look out for your work again.
Thanks
Mel
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2011
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I enjoyed this chapter very much, despite having missed the first. It's my kind of genre and held my interest throughout. They are an interesting team. I will look out for your work again.
Thanks
Mel
Comment Written 21-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2011
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Hi, Mel. Thanks so much for checking out my chapter. If you have time, you might find the background in Chapter 1 interesting and its a shorter read LOL. I'll be posting another one soon, so I appreciate your expresson of interest. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from acvguard11
great job..i see why this piece is recognized and i truly feel it deserves this recognition..remember dont let others discouarge you fi you love to write..do what you love..noone can stop you...good luck
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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great job..i see why this piece is recognized and i truly feel it deserves this recognition..remember dont let others discouarge you fi you love to write..do what you love..noone can stop you...good luck
Comment Written 19-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Hi, acvguard11. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I will remember them as I go foward on the site offering my works. I appreciate, very much, you taking time out to read and review my chapter. Blessings, Bev
Comment from Fireshadow
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Bev, this is a very well penned narrative with detailed descriptions, strong characterization and dialogue and a fascinating storyline. Found no spag errors. I look forward to reading future installments on this story. Thanks for sharing this excellent work, my friend.
Ama
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Bev, this is a very well penned narrative with detailed descriptions, strong characterization and dialogue and a fascinating storyline. Found no spag errors. I look forward to reading future installments on this story. Thanks for sharing this excellent work, my friend.
Ama
Comment Written 19-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2011
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Hi, ama. Thank you for stopping by to read my chapter with a keen eye for those troublesome spags! I need all the help I can get sometimes LOL. I appreciate your supportive words and excellent review, lovely lady. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from taravan
i love FanStory. This is an amazing sight that has helped me become a better writer but I think what I have learned most is patience. I have none. When I find a book that grabs my interest I rarely put it down until I have completed it.
Unfortunately I can not do that now. Your amazing writing has gotten to me. I am hooked I want more. Your characters are well developed and the plot thickens nicely. That being said any eta on more????
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2011
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i love FanStory. This is an amazing sight that has helped me become a better writer but I think what I have learned most is patience. I have none. When I find a book that grabs my interest I rarely put it down until I have completed it.
Unfortunately I can not do that now. Your amazing writing has gotten to me. I am hooked I want more. Your characters are well developed and the plot thickens nicely. That being said any eta on more????
Comment Written 18-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2011
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Hello, my friend. I will be posting another chapter the first of next week. I want to take my time in developing the story as I have a few twists I want to introduce. Hope you'll stay with me - we're gonna have some fun!!! Thank you so much for your wonderful review. You have absolutely put me on cloud nine! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from MENNIPLOSS
you know friend, the caitulos of your writings are very interesting and beautiful, your narrative enchants to me I enjoy and it wonderfully. it is a beautiful chapter and congratulations by your great work. I send to a kiss and a strong hug and thanks to you to write so beautiful.
menniploss
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2011
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you know friend, the caitulos of your writings are very interesting and beautiful, your narrative enchants to me I enjoy and it wonderfully. it is a beautiful chapter and congratulations by your great work. I send to a kiss and a strong hug and thanks to you to write so beautiful.
menniploss
Comment Written 18-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2011
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Hi menniploss. I love hearing from you. Your way with words just enchants me. You sound like a beautiful person, as I'm sure you are. Thank you very much for reading my latest chapter and for taking time out to send along your beautiful, supportive words. Blessings to you my friend. Bev
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thanks, of all heart, I create you are you a great and wonderful writer.
**BELLA POETA, CON UN MUNDO MARAVILOLOSO DE PALABRAS.**
MI AMIGA DEL ALMA.
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Gracias!!
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is another great chapter for your book, i enjoyed reading this ,even though i liked the excitement of the first chapter better, but this chapter was necessary for the technical details.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2011
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this is another great chapter for your book, i enjoyed reading this ,even though i liked the excitement of the first chapter better, but this chapter was necessary for the technical details.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2011
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Hi, sweet. Thank you for checking out this latest chapter. Not as exciting, I agree; but the next chapter should be a little more fun. I much appreciate your support! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from MS Writer
I find your story interesting and intriguing. The characters have good relationships and the dialogue is natural. It piques the reader's interest for more. Great read.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2011
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I find your story interesting and intriguing. The characters have good relationships and the dialogue is natural. It piques the reader's interest for more. Great read.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2011
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Thank you very much MS Writer. I really appreciate your reading my chapter and hope you will continue to follow along with my cross between a supernatural thriller and murder mystery. Your review and supportive remarks are most appreciated! Warm regards, Bev
