Paranormal Adventures
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Bellingham Manor"Case Studies of Hauntings
75 total reviews
Comment from boxergirl
Interesting continuation of your story line. The vivid descriptions and realistic dialogue kept me engaged from start to finish. I could feel the foreshadowing of dark things to come. Well done! 8-)
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
  |
Interesting continuation of your story line. The vivid descriptions and realistic dialogue kept me engaged from start to finish. I could feel the foreshadowing of dark things to come. Well done! 8-)
Comment Written 08-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
-
Thanks so very much, BG. I'm glad you're 'on board'. I always enjoy your unique insights. :) Bev
Comment from Muffins
Each character's personality and quirks are slowly being unpeeled. This allow the reader a better understand of their thoughts and actions.
The details of the murders pull at the reader's horror for the suffering of the victims, especially the unborn child. The silence from the investigators more than likely matched the reader's reaction. Another great chapter.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
|
Each character's personality and quirks are slowly being unpeeled. This allow the reader a better understand of their thoughts and actions.
The details of the murders pull at the reader's horror for the suffering of the victims, especially the unborn child. The silence from the investigators more than likely matched the reader's reaction. Another great chapter.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
-
Thanks, Muffins. I sure appreciate this grand review. This is a chapter that I ended up changing quite a bit from the original, though the basic story is the same. So glad you're interested in following along! :) Bev
-
I saw the new chapter and read it. It still was amazing.
-
Thanks for that, Muffins. I'm really honored by your encouragement! :) Bev
Comment from royowen
I enjoyed your revived post, it also fills in a few blanks from the previous chapter I read that you wrote and posted a short while ago! This is well written, a well designed work, the detail is good, the characters well presented and believable, the plot is absorbing and readable, I enjoyed it! Blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
|
I enjoyed your revived post, it also fills in a few blanks from the previous chapter I read that you wrote and posted a short while ago! This is well written, a well designed work, the detail is good, the characters well presented and believable, the plot is absorbing and readable, I enjoyed it! Blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
-
Hi, Roy. Thank you so much for this very encouraging review! I did make quite a few changes in the re-vamp. It's always interesting to look back on earlier works and see the growth. I really appreciate your interest and support! :) Bev
Comment from lindalcreel
I can't wait until they actually get inside the mansion and discover what's been driving all the other visitors away. The caretaker is a funny guy. I'll bet he's hiding some secrets too. I wonder if he knows where Edward is, or why he doesn't want anyone investigating anything. Great chapter. I'm hooked.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
 |
I can't wait until they actually get inside the mansion and discover what's been driving all the other visitors away. The caretaker is a funny guy. I'll bet he's hiding some secrets too. I wonder if he knows where Edward is, or why he doesn't want anyone investigating anything. Great chapter. I'm hooked.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
-
Hi, Lindal. What a gracious and generous review! Thank you so very much. Lots of thrills (I hope) ahead. So appreciate your support. :) Bev
-
My pleasure. You know I love paranormal. LOL
-
Yes, I did get that feeling LoL.xx
-
:) Linda
Comment from Cumbrianlass
I LOVE Mia's visions. Love her character. Brilliant.
Well, you're building suspense beautifully. Can't wait for the activity to start. Jenkins Porter is perfect as the creepy caretaker. Love the touch with the big dog, too.
Good balanced investigative team - the characters complement each other.
A couple of very minor things:
"In the interest of saving time, why don't I review the file during our drive to Nobleboro(?)"
Mia would(n't) rest
Excellent, Bev.
My only other observation is regarding POV. Right now, it reads as omniscient - which is totally fine - but I thought I'd check to see if that's intended? Just checking! I know I didn't understand the whole POV thing when I first posted on FS, and given that this story is from three years back, I wondered...
Love Av
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
|
I LOVE Mia's visions. Love her character. Brilliant.
Well, you're building suspense beautifully. Can't wait for the activity to start. Jenkins Porter is perfect as the creepy caretaker. Love the touch with the big dog, too.
Good balanced investigative team - the characters complement each other.
A couple of very minor things:
"In the interest of saving time, why don't I review the file during our drive to Nobleboro(?)"
Mia would(n't) rest
Excellent, Bev.
My only other observation is regarding POV. Right now, it reads as omniscient - which is totally fine - but I thought I'd check to see if that's intended? Just checking! I know I didn't understand the whole POV thing when I first posted on FS, and given that this story is from three years back, I wondered...
Love Av
Comment Written 08-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
-
Hi, Av. Thanks for the super review. I've learned a little about POV, but it still eludes me at times. I was trying to keep Mike's voice as primary, hoping to establish him as the main speaker in this chapter and through some of his internal dialogue. Do you have any other ideas? I'd much appreciate them.
Thanks again for your encouragement and support, Av. Big Hug, Bev
-
My comment was prompted by Mia's arrival part way through the first part of the post. You shared her thoughts with me, so the POV shifted.
What I do to keep the POV uniform - I decide beforehand who is going to be 'seeing' the events as the chapter unfolds.I usually decide that by figuring out whose POV will have the most impact on the circumstances. Then I literally put myself in that character's head and tell the story (3rd person) through his or her eyes. In effect, their eyes become my windshield, and I steer the chapter while looking through that windshield. That way, I don't inadvertently put in another character's thoughts or point of view, since I'm not 'in' their heads. It's not infallible, but it sure helps to keep me straight for the most part.
Hope this helps.
Love Av
-
Great, Av. Yes, that's very helpful that you pointed out the specific section. I'm going in now to see how to clarify that. Also, I'm seeing that what you're saying is that each chapter can have it's own POV, which is not something I really was getting. I really appreciate your help! Hugs, Bev
-
Glad to help. You can change POV mid-chapter too, if you like. Usually it's denoted by a couple of extra hard returns, or a series of dashes or asterisks. Gives the reader a heads up.
-
Wow, thanks so much. You've just opened a whole new world for me, Av, LoL. I've been a little uptight about the POV business as it's one that I keep struggling with. :) Bev
Comment from Adri7enne
"With the mention of a murdered child, Mia WOULD'NT rest until ...WOULDN'T.
I really enjoyed how you made every personality distinct. I can see the story developing on two fronts - back to the actual events and in the present, with the paranormal activities. I'm a big skeptic, but I'm willing to suspend disbelief for a good story. You've got a nice turn of phrase, Bev. I like your characters. I was right. Bright, young people!
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
|
"With the mention of a murdered child, Mia WOULD'NT rest until ...WOULDN'T.
I really enjoyed how you made every personality distinct. I can see the story developing on two fronts - back to the actual events and in the present, with the paranormal activities. I'm a big skeptic, but I'm willing to suspend disbelief for a good story. You've got a nice turn of phrase, Bev. I like your characters. I was right. Bright, young people!
Comment Written 08-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
-
Hi, Adrienne. Thanks for your grand review! I'm glad that my characters are starting to show more of their personalities. I have a special place in my heart for Emma - named her after my very bright niece. Thanks, too, for noting that errant apostrophe! I appreciate it. :) Bev
-
Nice, Bev! My little caterpillar character, Vive, is named after a friend's little girl, Genevieve, and they call her Vive. I love using real people as a basis for some of my characters. Harvey, the 'cool dude' is fashioned on another old friend, with a bit of a 'beat' personality. I picture his reactions in the way Harvey reacts to situations. Fun!
You're turning into a really smooth writer, Bev. You must have done a lot of revisions to bring it up to your present smooth style. Or, like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, it was in you all along!!!
-
Oh, I worked my tail off to get the second chapter into shape. My main issue is the darned POV. As Av so rightly pointed out, I had switched it. This novel is a bit more of a challenge because I want to keep all the characters involved and give insights into why they do what they do. I trust you and she will keep me on track!
Thanks for the compliment, Adrienne. I'm honored, especially coming from you. It does help when you have a passion for something as you do for your wonderful story.
:) Bev
Comment from Green Lake Girl
I'm already feeling fearful for our MAPT crew, especially Mia. Additionally, Jenkins is someone to keep a close eye on. All in all a dangerous, but exciting assignment. You know how to pull your readers in, Bev. Great story; it's all I can do to keep from leaping ahead and read "future" chapters!
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
|
I'm already feeling fearful for our MAPT crew, especially Mia. Additionally, Jenkins is someone to keep a close eye on. All in all a dangerous, but exciting assignment. You know how to pull your readers in, Bev. Great story; it's all I can do to keep from leaping ahead and read "future" chapters!
Comment Written 08-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
-
Hi, Marietta. Thank you so much for this really generous and encouraging review. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! And I do appreciate your waiting for the re-posts. As I did with this chapter, I'm extensively re-editing and may change some of the story's dynamics. You made my morning, my friend.
:) Bev
Comment from Aussie
Your coffee drinking habits amuse me; cups like soup bowls and brewed coffee all day! Here, we have the occasional brewed, mostly we drink instant. I don't know why I didn't get chapt. one of your story. I will now try to catch up. I have experienced a dramatic - freezing drop in temps. also bad smells and sometimes the good things that I associate with family e.g. smells like potatoes cooking = Dad! I enjoyed your interesting story and look forward to more chapters. Be patient cause I am slow. I must have read this, have added to it today.
Great watercolour illustration. What is a Keurig? The coldness of Mia's room represented evil? "in a manner suggesting the killer had posed the bodies?" An infant ghost? Must be Chucky! Yes, in a weakened state, no one should take on psychic work. I love your Ghost Busters writing, you either have a deep interest in the paranormal and, or you are psychic (like me) well done mate.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
|
Your coffee drinking habits amuse me; cups like soup bowls and brewed coffee all day! Here, we have the occasional brewed, mostly we drink instant. I don't know why I didn't get chapt. one of your story. I will now try to catch up. I have experienced a dramatic - freezing drop in temps. also bad smells and sometimes the good things that I associate with family e.g. smells like potatoes cooking = Dad! I enjoyed your interesting story and look forward to more chapters. Be patient cause I am slow. I must have read this, have added to it today.
Great watercolour illustration. What is a Keurig? The coldness of Mia's room represented evil? "in a manner suggesting the killer had posed the bodies?" An infant ghost? Must be Chucky! Yes, in a weakened state, no one should take on psychic work. I love your Ghost Busters writing, you either have a deep interest in the paranormal and, or you are psychic (like me) well done mate.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
-
Thanks so much, Kay. You make a good point, in that smells can be pleasant when the presence is one that is there to comfort - such as your Dad. Glad you're along for the 'ride'. Hugs, Bev
Comment from mikemagine
Quite a chiller! Very believable. I pay credence to supernatural events, and this draws no skepticism from me. I know it's supernatural fiction, but it could very well have happened. This is a fully developed chapter, testifying to your talents and skills!
Keep writing!
Mike
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
|
Quite a chiller! Very believable. I pay credence to supernatural events, and this draws no skepticism from me. I know it's supernatural fiction, but it could very well have happened. This is a fully developed chapter, testifying to your talents and skills!
Keep writing!
Mike
Comment Written 08-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
-
Hi, Mike. Thank you so very much for this delightful review! I'm honored by your words and encouragement and support. Much appreciated! :) Bev
-
Glad to, Bev!!
Comment from misscookie
I have no more stars to give,
you captured my attention from the first line to the last.
There was not a dull moment. Which kept my interest.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
|
I have no more stars to give,
you captured my attention from the first line to the last.
There was not a dull moment. Which kept my interest.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2014
-
Hi, misscookie. Thanks much for your very encouraging review. I really appreciate your taking time to read.
:) Bev
-
You're very welcome. take care.
Cookie
