Paranormal Adventures
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "A New England Haunting"Case Studies of Hauntings
93 total reviews
Comment from lindalcreel
I am already loving this story. I used to watch TAPS all the time on television and loved when they went into a haunted house. This one sounds like it will be an interesting visit. By the way, Stephen King has a house in Bangor, Maine. My husband was there on business and actually met him while he was jogging. I think I have a picture of it, and will send it to you. You'll love the front gate of his house. I can't imagine all of the scary stories he wrote there. LOL
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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I am already loving this story. I used to watch TAPS all the time on television and loved when they went into a haunted house. This one sounds like it will be an interesting visit. By the way, Stephen King has a house in Bangor, Maine. My husband was there on business and actually met him while he was jogging. I think I have a picture of it, and will send it to you. You'll love the front gate of his house. I can't imagine all of the scary stories he wrote there. LOL
Comment Written 03-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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He probably doesn't even remember half of them. Seems he had a pretty bad drug problem in those days and can't recall writing Carrie. I read that in his book on writing which I think is outstanding. I'm a fan of his and, now, his son Joe Black. That young man is a really talented writer in my book.
I'd love to see the pic!
Thanks so much, Lindal. I really appreciate this gracious review.
:) Bev
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My pleasure Bev. I'll have a look around and see if I can find it. I too have Stephen's book on writing, but I haven't read any of his son's work. I'll have to check him out.
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Joe's worth checking out, Lindal. I like his sparse style, compared with his father's, LoL. Thanks! :) Bev
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:)
Comment from Green Lake Girl
So excited to see this post, Bev! Since I wasn't on FS when you originally wrote this story, it's all fresh and new to me. I love the flip between the past and present. The intrigue, mystery and general story line is very appealing. Sounds like the Bellingham estate is seriously haunted.
You nailed the start of your story, Bev. You wasted no time getting to the "good stuff." So important to draw in your reader early, and knowing you--you'll never let go! Super story. Can't wait for the next chapter.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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So excited to see this post, Bev! Since I wasn't on FS when you originally wrote this story, it's all fresh and new to me. I love the flip between the past and present. The intrigue, mystery and general story line is very appealing. Sounds like the Bellingham estate is seriously haunted.
You nailed the start of your story, Bev. You wasted no time getting to the "good stuff." So important to draw in your reader early, and knowing you--you'll never let go! Super story. Can't wait for the next chapter.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Hi, Marietta. Thanks so much for this very generous and encouraging review. I see that I have mis-spelled remote viewing, so I now understand your message LoL. There's always a danger of going over the top with this type of story. And, of course, getting a visual in the reader's mind is a challenge as well. I'm glad that I'm off to a good start.
Thanks so much, my friend.
:) Bev
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Yes, your story is off to a rip-roaring start. Just the way I like 'em!
LOL on the typo, by the way!
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Yes, Rama caught me, too! I am so upset because for some reason the site editor will not allow me to change to a larger font when I download from Office, no matter how large a font I use. I think it has something to do with Grammarly. So I really can't see the errors for the small print. Anywho, thanks again, Marietta.
Comment from N.K. Wagner
A great start, Bev. I'm glad to see you're continuing your new novel here. Some things to look at:
He'd no doubt he would succeed; and, in the confusion afterwards, flee - consider: ...succeed and, in the confusion afterwards, flee...
"I've personally dreamed of the day I could get into that place.- would he really say "personally"?
"It'd be a big bonus if he has any personal knowledge to share." - if he knew the players (?) Luke's dialog is stilted one minute and casual the next.
This is going to be fun! :) nancy
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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A great start, Bev. I'm glad to see you're continuing your new novel here. Some things to look at:
He'd no doubt he would succeed; and, in the confusion afterwards, flee - consider: ...succeed and, in the confusion afterwards, flee...
"I've personally dreamed of the day I could get into that place.- would he really say "personally"?
"It'd be a big bonus if he has any personal knowledge to share." - if he knew the players (?) Luke's dialog is stilted one minute and casual the next.
This is going to be fun! :) nancy
Comment Written 03-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Thanks, Nancy, I think your suggested changes are very good and I'm going to incorporate them. Thanks so much for the great review! :) Bev
Comment from Kausar_Javeria
Hello there~!
This is such an interesting piece. Love it! I shall be following this work of yours!
Well done!
JazakAllah Khair~!
(God Bless~!)
(^_^)-<~~KAUSAR~~>-(^_^)
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Hello there~!
This is such an interesting piece. Love it! I shall be following this work of yours!
Well done!
JazakAllah Khair~!
(God Bless~!)
(^_^)-<~~KAUSAR~~>-(^_^)
Comment Written 03-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Hi, KJ. Thank you for taking time to read my first chapter of Paranormal Adventures. I really appreciate both your interest and support! :) Bev
Comment from MoonWillow
Hi, Bev. Very interesting first chapter. Your TAPT team reminds me of the Bishop series by Kay Hooper. I only noticed one typo: When Mia goes into a trance to remove view the location... I'm sure you mean "remote" view. Got so wrapped up in the story, I didn't notice anything else.
Are you still doing paranormal investigating? If so, what psychic ability is your specialty? If you need any "remote" help, let me know. LOL! :)shawn
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Hi, Bev. Very interesting first chapter. Your TAPT team reminds me of the Bishop series by Kay Hooper. I only noticed one typo: When Mia goes into a trance to remove view the location... I'm sure you mean "remote" view. Got so wrapped up in the story, I didn't notice anything else.
Are you still doing paranormal investigating? If so, what psychic ability is your specialty? If you need any "remote" help, let me know. LOL! :)shawn
Comment Written 03-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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I have put the investigating on hold as my partner left the area. It's not easy to do the work by yourself, though I had one more case after she left. It was quite draining as I am a psychic/medium and the energy tends to try to stay with me. Plus, it has a target for its purposes. I had some really interesting, and even rewarding, experiences, which will eventually work their way into this series.
I sure appreciate your catching that type. Thank you, too, for your encouragement and support, Moon Willow. I've always enjoyed your writing!
Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from jadapenn
How did I miss this book in 2011. Guess I had too much of a miserable time that year. Loved the beginning of the book, Bev. Gave me cold shivers. I can't wait to see what happens when TAPT goes in to investigate. Well done. luv jada
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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How did I miss this book in 2011. Guess I had too much of a miserable time that year. Loved the beginning of the book, Bev. Gave me cold shivers. I can't wait to see what happens when TAPT goes in to investigate. Well done. luv jada
Comment Written 03-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Hi, Jada. Seems I am never far from the weird and seriously spooky! Yet, it's what I know and still experience in my life.
Thanks for the grand and very generous review, my friend.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from rama devi
A compelling opening chapter, dear Bev. The POV switches are smooth and the pOVs are deep. The first one is especially well done. The reader is in the ind of the killer.
Very good characterization, narrative style and dialog. Fine pacing too! A few nits in spag, etc. but I know you'll correct spag and consider other suggestions, so five stars in advance.
NOTES
*Extracting a folded, white triangle from his lapel pocket;(,) Charles wiped his damp forehead, (and) then brushed away the dust and debris from his pants. H
*
His ultimate vengeance was launched with a dinner party on a warm, summer evening in July.
Trim WAS.
* He leaned against the dresser to gather himself, (and) then slid the knife out of sight.
*Everything changes tonight. In time, I wlll (spelling--will)
*
"Shall we go down to dinner, D(d)arling?
*
"I'm not feeling well. Can't I be excused this once?" Catherine kept her eyes averted as she spoke,(.) "I'm worried something terrible has happened to Margarethe.
*"That's quite impossible! You will accompany me this evening, and play the part (of) the perfect hostess.
* Cap typo: LIke the other members of
*Emma held trance medium, Mia Langley(,) in high regard
*in order to remove(remote?) view the location.
* He moved his family out of the house within months of occupying it, claiming the house was haunted by something of 'pure evil' that threatened the safety of his family.
*My only concern is that we won't have time to dig into the available archives(,) which could provide essential details."
Either use a comma after which or change which to THAT.
*
"That would make him kind of old to be running a large estate.(,)" Luke remarked. "
*She extended her hands outward, palms up, and Mia could see broken fingernails and congealed blood covering most of her pale flesh.
Suggest:
She extended her hands outward, palms up. Mia stared at the broken fingernails and congealed blood covering most of her pale flesh.
*
"I can't promise I'll find you justice. But I will(I'll) do my best to help you find peace," Mia whispered.
Looks like an interesting and compelling story. Hope to read more, but I am super busy with other editing right now (Six novels, including yours, but two of them are full on right now and one is ghostwriting). So, I may only get to review intermittently.
Love and hugs,
rd
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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A compelling opening chapter, dear Bev. The POV switches are smooth and the pOVs are deep. The first one is especially well done. The reader is in the ind of the killer.
Very good characterization, narrative style and dialog. Fine pacing too! A few nits in spag, etc. but I know you'll correct spag and consider other suggestions, so five stars in advance.
NOTES
*Extracting a folded, white triangle from his lapel pocket;(,) Charles wiped his damp forehead, (and) then brushed away the dust and debris from his pants. H
*
His ultimate vengeance was launched with a dinner party on a warm, summer evening in July.
Trim WAS.
* He leaned against the dresser to gather himself, (and) then slid the knife out of sight.
*Everything changes tonight. In time, I wlll (spelling--will)
*
"Shall we go down to dinner, D(d)arling?
*
"I'm not feeling well. Can't I be excused this once?" Catherine kept her eyes averted as she spoke,(.) "I'm worried something terrible has happened to Margarethe.
*"That's quite impossible! You will accompany me this evening, and play the part (of) the perfect hostess.
* Cap typo: LIke the other members of
*Emma held trance medium, Mia Langley(,) in high regard
*in order to remove(remote?) view the location.
* He moved his family out of the house within months of occupying it, claiming the house was haunted by something of 'pure evil' that threatened the safety of his family.
*My only concern is that we won't have time to dig into the available archives(,) which could provide essential details."
Either use a comma after which or change which to THAT.
*
"That would make him kind of old to be running a large estate.(,)" Luke remarked. "
*She extended her hands outward, palms up, and Mia could see broken fingernails and congealed blood covering most of her pale flesh.
Suggest:
She extended her hands outward, palms up. Mia stared at the broken fingernails and congealed blood covering most of her pale flesh.
*
"I can't promise I'll find you justice. But I will(I'll) do my best to help you find peace," Mia whispered.
Looks like an interesting and compelling story. Hope to read more, but I am super busy with other editing right now (Six novels, including yours, but two of them are full on right now and one is ghostwriting). So, I may only get to review intermittently.
Love and hugs,
rd
Comment Written 03-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Thanks so much for the super review, as always, Rama. I sure appreciate you taking time out of what sounds like a very busy schedule and offering your excellent insights. Changes made. Again, thanks so much dear friend.
Hugs, Bev
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Thanks for your lovely reply, dear friend! Love, rd
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:)))
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:-)))))))
Comment from CR Delport
Wow, it will still be a while before I can resurrect one of my posts. I love the paranormal, and this sounds like a very interesting story that is very well written. Did you publish it yet?
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Wow, it will still be a while before I can resurrect one of my posts. I love the paranormal, and this sounds like a very interesting story that is very well written. Did you publish it yet?
Comment Written 03-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Hi, CR. Thanks for taking an interest in my story. I pledge not to make it as long as my last one!! Appreciate it... Bev
Comment from lakeport
The watcher, indeed there is a lot going on. Charles jealousy makes him a made man,I enjoyed reading the story,God bless you.Hugs! Lakeport.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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The watcher, indeed there is a lot going on. Charles jealousy makes him a made man,I enjoyed reading the story,God bless you.Hugs! Lakeport.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Hi, Lakeport. Thank you for this generous and encouraging review!
Blessings, Bev
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your welcome.lakpoer.
Comment from Cindy Warren
This promises to be an interesting story. I think I'll stay tuned. If I were you, I'd change the name of the paranormal society. It's too close to TAPS, the guys on the TV show Ghost Hunters.
Where Mia is introduced, LIke should be like.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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This promises to be an interesting story. I think I'll stay tuned. If I were you, I'd change the name of the paranormal society. It's too close to TAPS, the guys on the TV show Ghost Hunters.
Where Mia is introduced, LIke should be like.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2014
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Thanks for the suggestions, Cindy. I appreciate your interest in and support for the story. :) Bev
