Alone
In the heat of the night28 total reviews
Comment from marcii
No all stories don't have good and happy endings that is why it makes them more interesting because you often don't know what is going to happen.
You described things well
Marcii
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2011
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No all stories don't have good and happy endings that is why it makes them more interesting because you often don't know what is going to happen.
You described things well
Marcii
Comment Written 09-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2011
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Hi Marcii!! Thank you so much! I am always thrilled to hear what you think about something I have done. Your encouragment is most appreciated my friend! XX...susan
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am not sure why any parents would leave a young child home alone. I raised four and never did. Your story was vey descriptive.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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I am not sure why any parents would leave a young child home alone. I raised four and never did. Your story was vey descriptive.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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Hi Barb! Oh, I can feel the disappointment in this review...I am so sorry...but I thank you for this kind review and reading anyway! I did leave my son alone for a few weeks when he was almost 13. This happened, as far as the kids coming to the door. I was put on third shift as I was the newest employee, and I quit just after this incident and have not "worked" since. I wrote this thinking of how lucky we were and what very well could have happened. I am so grateful for your review and time for me Barbara...thank you again. xoxo, susan
Comment from Judy Swanson
Susan - you have taken me to, and through, a very dark place with this story. I was sooooooo hoping for a happy ending but, as you said, life doesn't always have one.
You did a great job of building tension and suspense throughout. And, unfortunately, your ending was very realistic.
Judy
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2011
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Susan - you have taken me to, and through, a very dark place with this story. I was sooooooo hoping for a happy ending but, as you said, life doesn't always have one.
You did a great job of building tension and suspense throughout. And, unfortunately, your ending was very realistic.
Judy
Comment Written 08-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2011
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Hi Judy!! How are you? It's great to hear from you again! Is it spring yet where you are?? I hope. I know Michigan is still cold I think. It's up to 45 here, in southern Indiana...still chilly. NO daffodils or anything either. But thank you for this review...many won't review if something is sad. I really, really appreciate this! HUGS!!! Suse
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Hi Suse - I will read and review everything you write! That's the deal for friends. It is warming up in Michigan - this week still getting a little off and on snow and rain, but also some sun and temps pushing near 40. But, I'm still in California, bright sun, and finally in the high sixties. Looks like our cold rainy time might be past for a few weeks. Daffodils, poppies, and plenty of other flowers are beginning to pop here - it is definitely spring on the central coast.
Stay well, and enjoy the warming.
Judy
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OH wow!!! Get out and enjoy that Judy...it sounds perfect...I wish I were there riding my horse around! OH well!! Thanks for letting me know!! HUG! Suse
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Hey Suse - there were horses on the beach last week. Beautiful! Judy
Comment from adewpearl
a car running, it's motor sputtering - drop the apostrophe
What a tragic story. You build suspense well and convey the fears of the boy most effectively. You also do an effective job of developing the character of the juvenile burglars. This one left me with a chill. Brooke
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2011
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a car running, it's motor sputtering - drop the apostrophe
What a tragic story. You build suspense well and convey the fears of the boy most effectively. You also do an effective job of developing the character of the juvenile burglars. This one left me with a chill. Brooke
Comment Written 08-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2011
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Hi Brooke! Thank you! I corrected the mistake! I will never learn them. I swear...you are so patient and kind Brooke! I really appreciate you.../")) Susan
Comment from Kathryn Varuzza
Susan,
Great story even though it's brutal!
Good characters.
I like the descriptions.
Good dialogue.
Great and creepy ending.
Good title.
Good luck in the contest.
luv,
katie
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2011
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Susan,
Great story even though it's brutal!
Good characters.
I like the descriptions.
Good dialogue.
Great and creepy ending.
Good title.
Good luck in the contest.
luv,
katie
Comment Written 07-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2011
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HI Katie...thank you for reading this story! I am proud of you for being "brave"! I always love hearing your thoughts! Never hesitate to let me know if something is too far out there. Thank you again Katie! I hope you are happy and well...luv to you too! Suse
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Hi Suse, you're welcome.
I am happy and well.
luv,
katie
Comment from Minglement
I enjoyed this entry for the contest. It was clear at all times what was happening and who was speaking. I loved the description of Brit. Great little story and you're right, not always a happy happy ending in life. Great action and suspense, well paced. My only issue was with your mention of 'a single tear', which I'm told is cliche'. The story would be just as strong if you moved right to he began to cry. Or "he sqeezed his eyes shut to stem the flow of tears, but it was useless." Something like that. As I said, great entry. Good luck. :) Marcia
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2011
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I enjoyed this entry for the contest. It was clear at all times what was happening and who was speaking. I loved the description of Brit. Great little story and you're right, not always a happy happy ending in life. Great action and suspense, well paced. My only issue was with your mention of 'a single tear', which I'm told is cliche'. The story would be just as strong if you moved right to he began to cry. Or "he sqeezed his eyes shut to stem the flow of tears, but it was useless." Something like that. As I said, great entry. Good luck. :) Marcia
Comment Written 07-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2011
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Hi Marcia! I changed the wording about the tear! Thank you so much! Good observation!! I wish I could nominate you for helping Marcia! I keep seeing I have 0 left??? But, it's so nice that you liked this sad tale...I appreciate that you reviewed it even tho it was a bad ending...hugs and more thanks! Susan
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We've all written stories or poem with not-so-happy endings. I'll go back and see how you changed the 'tear' sentence. I only caught it because I keep trying to use it myself (that 'single tear') LOL. I usually catch myself (I hope) and get rid of it. Don't worry about nominating me, I just try to think what would one of the better writers here tell me ;) Take care, Marcia
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") One more thank you Marcia! You are so nice to me! xoxo, susan
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Glad to help and hope you keep writing. Marcia :)
Comment from missy98writer
Sue,
your mysery and crime fiction story titled Alone is superbly written and a riveting read. Your story paints a picture in the readers head. Excellent narrative, great dialogue and very good descriptive writing. You managed to established a setting, conflict, and a resolution to your story. I couldn't believe the theves fired and killed one or both of the boys hiding. My heart was pounding. Your story is a realistic entry in the contest. Keep up the awesome writing, my friend. Good luck in the Sentence Starts The Story contest.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2011
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Sue,
your mysery and crime fiction story titled Alone is superbly written and a riveting read. Your story paints a picture in the readers head. Excellent narrative, great dialogue and very good descriptive writing. You managed to established a setting, conflict, and a resolution to your story. I couldn't believe the theves fired and killed one or both of the boys hiding. My heart was pounding. Your story is a realistic entry in the contest. Keep up the awesome writing, my friend. Good luck in the Sentence Starts The Story contest.
Melissa.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2011
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Hi Melissa! I saw where you were sick of the "Door knocking" entries! SO sorry!! I sure appreciate your reviewing this anyway! Your time and enthusiasm always inspire and make me feel like going on...I really appreciate you Melissa...hug and a big smile...susan
Comment from Veekz
A very good, suspense filled story. The ending was, of course, sad but as you said - not everything in life adds up to a happy ending! I think the characters are great and easy to picture too :)
Only one little thing I could spot:
"Dang it, Tommy, you stay put." The boy whispered to his cat, as he quickly put it in a closet.
-should be:
"Dang it, Tommy, you stay put," the boy whispered to his cat, as he quickly put it in a closet.
Other then that a-ok! lol :)
All the best in the contest my friend :)
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2011
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A very good, suspense filled story. The ending was, of course, sad but as you said - not everything in life adds up to a happy ending! I think the characters are great and easy to picture too :)
Only one little thing I could spot:
"Dang it, Tommy, you stay put." The boy whispered to his cat, as he quickly put it in a closet.
-should be:
"Dang it, Tommy, you stay put," the boy whispered to his cat, as he quickly put it in a closet.
Other then that a-ok! lol :)
All the best in the contest my friend :)
Comment Written 07-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2011
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HI Jess!! Thank you!! I appreciate you seeing this! I sure didn't! Sharp eyes! ") AND I have your pix ready, the P.O. is cheaper but it has to have a CUSTOMS declaration for God's sake. It it isn't ONE thing, it's another! Hang in there! What a deal!! I hope you are doing well...and NO MORE earthquakes...Is everyone okay Jess? Did your friends make it home okay? I pray so. Luv, susan
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Hey ya! Wow that's such awesome news!! How exciting :):)
I'm ok and no, no more MAJOR earthquakes thank goodness. Good news is all the people I know have been found safe and alive. I feel so terribly guilty that I feel so happy mine are ok while so many others aren't but I'm looking for the positives :):) xoxox
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OH good Jess. What a relief! But as you say, some were not lucky...I watched the news with fear in my heart for you and yours. Keep your chin up...and boy, "our" faultline could be next...We are on the Madrid Line...God help us all. I'm so happy to hear from you my friend!!
xoxo...Susan
Comment from anne1204
Very suspense fill story. Great description of the fear and anxiety of all characters. Held my attention all the way. And yes life is not always fair. Good writing. Anne
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2011
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Very suspense fill story. Great description of the fear and anxiety of all characters. Held my attention all the way. And yes life is not always fair. Good writing. Anne
Comment Written 07-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2011
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Hi Anne! Thank you so much! I really appreciate your reviewing this even tho it was not so happy, my friend. HOW kind and your comments are always encouraging to me too. Thank you again Anne! luv, susan
Comment from Fireshadow
Susan, this is an excellent entry for the This Sentence Starts The Story contest, and it will probably be a top contender in the competition. Great story, very well penned ... but crappy, very sad ending. Good luck in the contest, my friend !
Ama
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2011
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Susan, this is an excellent entry for the This Sentence Starts The Story contest, and it will probably be a top contender in the competition. Great story, very well penned ... but crappy, very sad ending. Good luck in the contest, my friend !
Ama
Comment Written 07-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2011
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Hi Ama! Thank you so much! I am truly thrilled that you chose to review this even with the ending...so many just won't. Thank you again, your comments always mean the world to me Ama...I hope you are doing well. Love, susan
