A Letter to Jeff
losing a brother13 total reviews
Comment from Readywriter52
It's hard when we lose a loved one. The lose cuts out a piece from our heart. He sounds like a kind and generous brother. He must have enjoyed life.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2011
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It's hard when we lose a loved one. The lose cuts out a piece from our heart. He sounds like a kind and generous brother. He must have enjoyed life.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2011
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Thank you so much for your review. I truly appreciate it. :>)
Comment from closetpoetjester
Gosh,what a heartfelt tribute to your dear brother my friend and I think you did a wonderful job. I was crying by the second paragraph and this beautiful outpouring of love for your brother and what he suffered through was simply lovely. I am sure many wrestle with the "coming out" so to speak and I think your brother was very brave to be true to himself. I think many Mums and Dads want the best for their kids and I guess sexual orientation is just assumed as the norm and will fall into place naturally. Sadly that is not the case for some and I think people at least need to try and be a little more understanding. A beautiful concept to write to him as if still here in the form of a letter and the perfect way to honour him on the first anniversary of his death. I also liked the uncanny thing that happened with the bible and the photo. I truly believe that was a sign... Anyway great job and this made me howl. Thats a good thing though as I felt the true and raw emotion of this wonderful letter to your brother Jeff.
Cheers closet xxoo
PS Good luck with this very touching letter.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2011
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Gosh,what a heartfelt tribute to your dear brother my friend and I think you did a wonderful job. I was crying by the second paragraph and this beautiful outpouring of love for your brother and what he suffered through was simply lovely. I am sure many wrestle with the "coming out" so to speak and I think your brother was very brave to be true to himself. I think many Mums and Dads want the best for their kids and I guess sexual orientation is just assumed as the norm and will fall into place naturally. Sadly that is not the case for some and I think people at least need to try and be a little more understanding. A beautiful concept to write to him as if still here in the form of a letter and the perfect way to honour him on the first anniversary of his death. I also liked the uncanny thing that happened with the bible and the photo. I truly believe that was a sign... Anyway great job and this made me howl. Thats a good thing though as I felt the true and raw emotion of this wonderful letter to your brother Jeff.
Cheers closet xxoo
PS Good luck with this very touching letter.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2011
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Thank you for reading this, Closet, and for your very thorough review. This is one that I wrote from my heart but should not have waited until the last minute to write it, as I see a few places where I'd like to revise but once posted, I tend to want to move on. Thanks again. You are a sweetie with all your praise. :>)
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Yeah there are a couple of spots that may need a little revision but honestly, overall I think you carried off a very loving sentiment for your brother and an understanding beyond compare...thats why he told YOU first. He simply knew you would understand.
Take care.
Closet xoxo
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Me again, I did mean to say somewhere in there I am deeply sorry for your loss and this must still feel very fresh and raw to you. My thoughts go to you for your brave write.
Comment from Stacia Ann
This is a moving story about a brother-sister bond; sibling bonds are not written about much, and they can be very strong. I think it is common, for example, for people to "come out" to a sibling before they do to their parents, as Jeff does in the story--it is less threatening somehow, apparently.
No real concerns or SPAG issues that I picked up. I was under the impression, until the second part of the story, with Cathy reflecting back on the letter a year later, that Jeff had committed suicide--but that may simply be because suicides of young people, partcularly gay young people, have been highlighted a lot in the news lately.
I also wasn't sure how much I bought the brother and sister ogling the same guys in the diner, just because it's my understanding that gay people are generally just not attacted to straight people--that is, the gay brother and straight sister wouldn't be attacted to the same men. I'm no authority on this matter, however.
Overall strong story. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2011
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This is a moving story about a brother-sister bond; sibling bonds are not written about much, and they can be very strong. I think it is common, for example, for people to "come out" to a sibling before they do to their parents, as Jeff does in the story--it is less threatening somehow, apparently.
No real concerns or SPAG issues that I picked up. I was under the impression, until the second part of the story, with Cathy reflecting back on the letter a year later, that Jeff had committed suicide--but that may simply be because suicides of young people, partcularly gay young people, have been highlighted a lot in the news lately.
I also wasn't sure how much I bought the brother and sister ogling the same guys in the diner, just because it's my understanding that gay people are generally just not attacted to straight people--that is, the gay brother and straight sister wouldn't be attacted to the same men. I'm no authority on this matter, however.
Overall strong story. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2011
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Thank you so much for reading my story and for your thoughtful comments. I can see now the need for some revision in the story. That is what I like about FanStory; it helps us to become better writers. Thanks again.
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I think your story was good,and there was no need for major revision. But I'm glad if my comments in some way brought a fresh perspective.
Keep writing--
Stacia
Comment from fionageorge
What a poignant story, what a conveying of real love for a brother who died too soon. What a sad loss. You have portrayed your emotions and loss well, and you have also shown parents, grieving, have now come to accept Jeff's homosexuality. It is sad when parents have such a hurdle to overcome. Not because they are biased, but because at that time, homosexuality still had such a stigma to it. Thank you for sharing this very personal story, and I wish you luck in the contest. Warmest regards, Marijke :o)
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2011
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What a poignant story, what a conveying of real love for a brother who died too soon. What a sad loss. You have portrayed your emotions and loss well, and you have also shown parents, grieving, have now come to accept Jeff's homosexuality. It is sad when parents have such a hurdle to overcome. Not because they are biased, but because at that time, homosexuality still had such a stigma to it. Thank you for sharing this very personal story, and I wish you luck in the contest. Warmest regards, Marijke :o)
Comment Written 16-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2011
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Thank you so much, Marijke, for your positive and thoughtful review. I truly appreciate your taking the time to read and review. Connie
Comment from forestport12
Story was well composed and I liked the style that you delivered it. You made the story and characters sound believable enough and true to life. At times it did feel to me that the story was constructed to make a point that he was just as much a bible believing Christian as the rest of us, which made me feel that I was more involved in the message and not able to enjoy the story on it's own merit. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2011
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Story was well composed and I liked the style that you delivered it. You made the story and characters sound believable enough and true to life. At times it did feel to me that the story was constructed to make a point that he was just as much a bible believing Christian as the rest of us, which made me feel that I was more involved in the message and not able to enjoy the story on it's own merit. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2011
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Thank you so much reading and reviewing my story. :>)
Comment from RebelRose
This is so poignant and sweet as it portrays the love between sister and brother. You were obviously close and I know the loss must have been great.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2011
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This is so poignant and sweet as it portrays the love between sister and brother. You were obviously close and I know the loss must have been great.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2011
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Thank you so much for your kind review. I truly appreciate it.
Comment from Spiritual Echo
Well, it says flash fiction so I am somewhat relieved that this is a fictional Jeff, but sadly Jeffs all over the world are being grieved,
Its tough enough to lose a brother but a child just horrible.
Very authentic and heartfelt.
Nicely written.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2011
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Well, it says flash fiction so I am somewhat relieved that this is a fictional Jeff, but sadly Jeffs all over the world are being grieved,
Its tough enough to lose a brother but a child just horrible.
Very authentic and heartfelt.
Nicely written.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2011
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Thank you so much for your kind words in your review. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review.
Comment from MissMerri
This is a truly well-constructed story, captivating and beautiful in the love expressed so sweetly. It could be anyone's story. Finding out that someone we love is gay does not in any way alter our love or the special relationship we had with them. You point that out so nicely in your short story. I have only one small suggestion... I would prefer to read, "... my eyes [well] with tears" rather than swell. Eyes swelling is not exactly the image you want us to have, I'm thinking. :p A beautiful story. I'm sure it will be a favorite in this contest.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2011
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This is a truly well-constructed story, captivating and beautiful in the love expressed so sweetly. It could be anyone's story. Finding out that someone we love is gay does not in any way alter our love or the special relationship we had with them. You point that out so nicely in your short story. I have only one small suggestion... I would prefer to read, "... my eyes [well] with tears" rather than swell. Eyes swelling is not exactly the image you want us to have, I'm thinking. :p A beautiful story. I'm sure it will be a favorite in this contest.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2011
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Thank you, MissMerri, for your thoughtful review and suggestion. I will go in and make that change, for sure. I am always appreciative when I receive some helpful guidance from you. You are the best, and thanks again. :>)
Comment from thorney
Hi there. This is a good bit of Flash Fiction. The letter is just the kind of thing I would write if I lost someone near and dear to me.
There are seven 'thats' which you could remove from the story without altering the it--and that is what it's all about. There are others, which are required;you have a lokk and see if you can spot them. Be carefull with 'that'.Most of the time, they are not needed.
example:
I then remember (that) I have kept somewhere a small red Bible that was Jeff's
Good luck with this, It's good enough to do very well.
Regards, Pete.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2011
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Hi there. This is a good bit of Flash Fiction. The letter is just the kind of thing I would write if I lost someone near and dear to me.
There are seven 'thats' which you could remove from the story without altering the it--and that is what it's all about. There are others, which are required;you have a lokk and see if you can spot them. Be carefull with 'that'.Most of the time, they are not needed.
example:
I then remember (that) I have kept somewhere a small red Bible that was Jeff's
Good luck with this, It's good enough to do very well.
Regards, Pete.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2011
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Thank you for your review and suggestion to delete all those "thats." I am always open to constructive criticism. Thanks again. :>)
Comment from RazberryBullet
Touching and poignant...
Got a chuckle here: You'd be with me and threaten to tell on me to Mom and Dad if I didn't buy you an ice cream. You already had a business head at the tender age of four!
Well done!
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2011
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Touching and poignant...
Got a chuckle here: You'd be with me and threaten to tell on me to Mom and Dad if I didn't buy you an ice cream. You already had a business head at the tender age of four!
Well done!
Comment Written 12-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2011
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Thank you so much for your review. :>)
