On The Wind Blows Death
A mare has a foal29 total reviews
Comment from ChuckB
And so, when all is said and done, the grasslands return to normal, as it has for centuries. Life, death, nature has seen it all and watches without emotion as the struggle for survival turns another page. They'll be another one tomorrow.
A fine job, good sir. I enjoyed the read. Chuck
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2018
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And so, when all is said and done, the grasslands return to normal, as it has for centuries. Life, death, nature has seen it all and watches without emotion as the struggle for survival turns another page. They'll be another one tomorrow.
A fine job, good sir. I enjoyed the read. Chuck
Comment Written 01-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2018
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Hi there Chuck. What a delightful surprise that you found this old story. I believe i was a horse in a past life, lol! When I was three, some gypsy's came to our house selling homemade lawn furniture. My dad would not buy, but did allow me to pet a small black mare in the horse trailer that they pulled behind their truck. I was smitten and obsessed every since. I'm now 63 and still try to ride. Horses are one of God's best creations. Thank you so much for reading and enjoying this story. Susan
Comment from Mr. Green
What a sad story. I was hoping that one of them would have lived. But it is an honest look at nature and the way of the world. You did a great job of describing the scenes and the predators and the nature of survival. Nicely done. Mr. Green
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What a sad story. I was hoping that one of them would have lived. But it is an honest look at nature and the way of the world. You did a great job of describing the scenes and the predators and the nature of survival. Nicely done. Mr. Green
Comment Written 30-Oct-2012
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I really enjoyed reading your short story. I was filled with almost every emotion. The thrill of new birth and the agony of lost life. Nature can be so cruel.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2011
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I really enjoyed reading your short story. I was filled with almost every emotion. The thrill of new birth and the agony of lost life. Nature can be so cruel.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2011
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Hi Barbara! Wow, thank you!! This really means a lot...I loved writing this one, it's my favorite method...or whatever. To have a six from you is very special indeed, I treasure this! Tons of thank yous and tons of hugs too...I hope you will have a wonderful Monday Barb...Pm me after FS comes back? Or I will share my email if you like? Love, susan
Comment from sunny39
This story is filled with the emotions of the struggle of the animals of the wild. Your descriptions are wonderful, and the protective feeling for the mother to her colt are extremely well done. You absolutely did a wonderful job on this story, showing new life, danger, sadness, and life going on.
I love it!
Sunny
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2011
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This story is filled with the emotions of the struggle of the animals of the wild. Your descriptions are wonderful, and the protective feeling for the mother to her colt are extremely well done. You absolutely did a wonderful job on this story, showing new life, danger, sadness, and life going on.
I love it!
Sunny
Comment Written 12-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2011
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Hi Sunny!! Thank you so much. What a thrill to know you liked this so well. I am very encouraged Sunny...hugs and a smile to you! Happy Valentine's Day!! ") Susan
Comment from Mastery
Outstanding imagery, Susan. I love the entire piece. Sample that caught my eye for instance:
"As the filly wobbled to her feet, a clap of thunder scared her and she toppled over, fear causing her to lose her newly acquired balance. The mare held her ground, she had gone through many storms. But never with a brand new baby at her side. She moved around as if to shield the filly from the storm. But the wind was strong and the sounds of lightning and thunder were horrendous to the little horse. She tried to run, but wobbled and fell into the shallow water of the arroyo. And as the rain began to pour the ditch became flooded. The mare frantically ran up and down as her baby was washed away in the torrent. She finally jumped in the rush of water, but it was too strong and she could not fight it. She was washed along behind her filly and both would drown as the arroyo filled"
Bravo! Bob
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2011
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Outstanding imagery, Susan. I love the entire piece. Sample that caught my eye for instance:
"As the filly wobbled to her feet, a clap of thunder scared her and she toppled over, fear causing her to lose her newly acquired balance. The mare held her ground, she had gone through many storms. But never with a brand new baby at her side. She moved around as if to shield the filly from the storm. But the wind was strong and the sounds of lightning and thunder were horrendous to the little horse. She tried to run, but wobbled and fell into the shallow water of the arroyo. And as the rain began to pour the ditch became flooded. The mare frantically ran up and down as her baby was washed away in the torrent. She finally jumped in the rush of water, but it was too strong and she could not fight it. She was washed along behind her filly and both would drown as the arroyo filled"
Bravo! Bob
Comment Written 11-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2011
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Hi there Bob! What a treat, hearing from you! I hope you are doing well, I want to congratulate you too, on your Book Of The Month win! Thank you for reading this for me and this kind and encouraging rating too. I really do appreciate it. I hope you will have a wonderful weekend too, Bob... ") Susan
Comment from Fireshadow
Oh, Susan, this is a very well written narrative ... but such a tragic one to read. I kept reading it only because I hoped both the mare and her foal would survive. The title is perfect and the artwork a good match for this write. Found no spag errors. Very well done. my friend.
Ama
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2011
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Oh, Susan, this is a very well written narrative ... but such a tragic one to read. I kept reading it only because I hoped both the mare and her foal would survive. The title is perfect and the artwork a good match for this write. Found no spag errors. Very well done. my friend.
Ama
Comment Written 11-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2011
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Hi again dear Ama...thank you for taking the time to read this too! This is the kind of story I really like to write. So, your review is extra special to me. Thank you again Ama...susan
Comment from anne1204
Very good writing with great drama, emotion and imagery. As a mother I could feel for the old mare. This was great descriptive writing as if you were there filming the whole scene. Excellent. Anne
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2011
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Very good writing with great drama, emotion and imagery. As a mother I could feel for the old mare. This was great descriptive writing as if you were there filming the whole scene. Excellent. Anne
Comment Written 11-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2011
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Hi Anne! thank you so much! This is my favorite way to write, so your review is extra special to me Anne. I am so grateful for your time and kind rating too! xoxo. susan
Comment from marcellawachtel
Excellent and heartrending story of what life is for these animals that live on the plains. Comparable things happen to human beings, but we compliment ourselves by saying we must understand them.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2011
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Excellent and heartrending story of what life is for these animals that live on the plains. Comparable things happen to human beings, but we compliment ourselves by saying we must understand them.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2011
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Hi Marcella! Thank you! I am so glad you read this for me. I know there's no dialogue, but this is how I like to write. So, extra thank yous Marcella...") xoxo....susan
Comment from Helen Tan
I'm not much of a Western reader but I enjoyed this poignant story. Thanks.
The mare frantically ran up and down as her baby was washed away in the torrent. She finally jumped in the rush of water, but it was too strong and she could not fight it. She was washed along behind her filly and both would drown as the arroyo filled.
My heart ached at this point.
And as it is when nature has her way,
The event is sad but it is very much a part of Nature. I think since you've personified Nature in this line by saying "her way", it should be written with a capital letter.
It ate the filly's eyes first, and gradually worked into her stomach. But his work was done when a cougar discovered the carrion and pulled it away from the bird. He screeched at the cat in anger and lunged at her eyes with his huge beak, but she held tight her prize and won her own right to survive.
Survival of the fittest. It may be cruel but it's a reality.
He whinnied loudly and persistently, but she was gone. So after a time, he too lowered his head and the green grass of Wyoming let him forget, and live another day.
No matter his grief, life goes on and he will live on though maybe not fully forgetting.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2011
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I'm not much of a Western reader but I enjoyed this poignant story. Thanks.
The mare frantically ran up and down as her baby was washed away in the torrent. She finally jumped in the rush of water, but it was too strong and she could not fight it. She was washed along behind her filly and both would drown as the arroyo filled.
My heart ached at this point.
And as it is when nature has her way,
The event is sad but it is very much a part of Nature. I think since you've personified Nature in this line by saying "her way", it should be written with a capital letter.
It ate the filly's eyes first, and gradually worked into her stomach. But his work was done when a cougar discovered the carrion and pulled it away from the bird. He screeched at the cat in anger and lunged at her eyes with his huge beak, but she held tight her prize and won her own right to survive.
Survival of the fittest. It may be cruel but it's a reality.
He whinnied loudly and persistently, but she was gone. So after a time, he too lowered his head and the green grass of Wyoming let him forget, and live another day.
No matter his grief, life goes on and he will live on though maybe not fully forgetting.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2011
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Hi Helen, thank you for this very kind review! I did capatalize Nature too! Thank you for this help! I didn't realize...and since you don't normally read western stories, I send you an extra thank you for taking time to read this one! Happy Valentine's Day too...susan
Comment from Rama Rao
The long awaited horse story has finally materialized. The story shows your fondness, passion and compassion for horses. It made absorbing reading, especially for a horse lover like me, but the following nits need to be fixed.
You should be economical with words. For example,
Finally though the filly slid out of her mother's womb, a tiny replica of the little sorrel mare- Finally, a tiny replica of the sorrel mare slid out.
1.nostrils flared searching- nostrils cannot search can they? sniffed would be better.
2.herdmates-herd mates.
3.that was determined to be born- ready to be born would do.
4.six foot long wing span- eagle with this wing span? Do eagles eat animals? Maybe vultures-they have a longer wingspan than eagles, but they don't fly high. It is six feet.
5.Kept watch- kept a look out.
6.he would not leave, unless he missed the opportunity.
7.if the mother was not diligent-were
Punctuation-
1.the mare was getting old,
2.Finally, though,
3.thunder scared her, and she
4.wind was strong and the sounds-comma before and
5.along behind her filly and-do-
6.sounds of the storm and as the -do-
7.Above it the eagle noticed, and took determined flight -comma not needed here.
8.It ate the filly's eyes first, and gradually worked -do-
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2011
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The long awaited horse story has finally materialized. The story shows your fondness, passion and compassion for horses. It made absorbing reading, especially for a horse lover like me, but the following nits need to be fixed.
You should be economical with words. For example,
Finally though the filly slid out of her mother's womb, a tiny replica of the little sorrel mare- Finally, a tiny replica of the sorrel mare slid out.
1.nostrils flared searching- nostrils cannot search can they? sniffed would be better.
2.herdmates-herd mates.
3.that was determined to be born- ready to be born would do.
4.six foot long wing span- eagle with this wing span? Do eagles eat animals? Maybe vultures-they have a longer wingspan than eagles, but they don't fly high. It is six feet.
5.Kept watch- kept a look out.
6.he would not leave, unless he missed the opportunity.
7.if the mother was not diligent-were
Punctuation-
1.the mare was getting old,
2.Finally, though,
3.thunder scared her, and she
4.wind was strong and the sounds-comma before and
5.along behind her filly and-do-
6.sounds of the storm and as the -do-
7.Above it the eagle noticed, and took determined flight -comma not needed here.
8.It ate the filly's eyes first, and gradually worked -do-
Comment Written 10-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2011
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Hi there! I will jot these down and get to it asap! Oh, I get so behind. PLease forgive this late reply Roberto?? I always appreciate you so...and do not mean to be late. I am so glad you read this for me...thank you..susan
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It's not Roberto but Ramarao.
