Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 36 "Chapter 15; part two"Can love survive small town gossip?
82 total reviews
Comment from Connie P
Even though I've thought Sara was unnecessarily rough on Joe a few times and worried about her self-esteem, she did the right thing standing up to him, unless she wanted to go along with his group 'do what was best for her' the rest of her life.
When you edit they need a marriage license don't they.
I can't believe that you and I wrote simultaneous chapters with 'this is huge' in them ... I laughed at that! Great minds, I suppose.
Note:
"I've already told you, Task Force men are always doing things for women with pretty faces and you're another pretty face.,"(double punctuation)
Great job on this entire story, Barbara, I've enjoyed every word.
Connie
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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Even though I've thought Sara was unnecessarily rough on Joe a few times and worried about her self-esteem, she did the right thing standing up to him, unless she wanted to go along with his group 'do what was best for her' the rest of her life.
When you edit they need a marriage license don't they.
I can't believe that you and I wrote simultaneous chapters with 'this is huge' in them ... I laughed at that! Great minds, I suppose.
Note:
"I've already told you, Task Force men are always doing things for women with pretty faces and you're another pretty face.,"(double punctuation)
Great job on this entire story, Barbara, I've enjoyed every word.
Connie
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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Thank you for your eagle eye. I appreciate it, and yes, great minds so think alike.
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Thank you for your eagle eye. I appreciate it, and yes, great minds so think alike.
Comment from patmedium
I think that THIS ending is absolutely bang-on for Joe's character.
Well written and perfectly painted emotions.
I have thoroughly enjoyed this book despite the small fact that I am not in the habit of reading romances. LOL. xxx
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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I think that THIS ending is absolutely bang-on for Joe's character.
Well written and perfectly painted emotions.
I have thoroughly enjoyed this book despite the small fact that I am not in the habit of reading romances. LOL. xxx
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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Thank you Pat, I appreciate your support.
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Thank you Pat, I appreciate your support.
Comment from Rama Rao
E X C E L L E N T.
I have been following the story from the word go, and I am sure you have a winner here. In the last chapter, you created a lot of suspense before Sara said,"I do."
Start looking for an agent and ask him to find you a publisher with connections to India. You will sell more copies in my country than in the USA.
Here is wishing you all the luck.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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E X C E L L E N T.
I have been following the story from the word go, and I am sure you have a winner here. In the last chapter, you created a lot of suspense before Sara said,"I do."
Start looking for an agent and ask him to find you a publisher with connections to India. You will sell more copies in my country than in the USA.
Here is wishing you all the luck.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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Thank you for your kind reviea and encourage. Before I do anything, I need to get my health squared away.
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Thank you for your kind reviea and encourage. Before I do anything, I need to get my health squared away.
Comment from Helen Tan
"I know you don't want to be away from Cassie for very long, so our honeymoon will be short. I've made plans to fly to New York City tonight and tomorrow. After that we'll fly to Alexandria. Dani has narrowed our house search down to four. You can choose from the four houses and decorate it however you choose."
Speed and efficiency - sounds just like the way an agent would operate.
Joe crept toward Sara. When he got close enough for her to hear, he
said,
Big gap here - EE's at it again.
"Six or eight uniformed military members create an arch by holding up sabers. After the couple is pronounced man and wife, oops, husband and wife, they leave by passing under the arch."
One of my aunt had this. I remember thinking how handsome the men were in uniform. It was enough to make me want to marry - sigh! I was only ten then.
Sara surveyed the white limousine, her ring, and then the country club's garden. "I'm positive about today. Let's get married."
WOW - I had expected this ending maybe not as romantic and in such a whirlwind way.
Great job for completing this novel despite everything that was happening in your life. One extra star for perseverance!
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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"I know you don't want to be away from Cassie for very long, so our honeymoon will be short. I've made plans to fly to New York City tonight and tomorrow. After that we'll fly to Alexandria. Dani has narrowed our house search down to four. You can choose from the four houses and decorate it however you choose."
Speed and efficiency - sounds just like the way an agent would operate.
Joe crept toward Sara. When he got close enough for her to hear, he
said,
Big gap here - EE's at it again.
"Six or eight uniformed military members create an arch by holding up sabers. After the couple is pronounced man and wife, oops, husband and wife, they leave by passing under the arch."
One of my aunt had this. I remember thinking how handsome the men were in uniform. It was enough to make me want to marry - sigh! I was only ten then.
Sara surveyed the white limousine, her ring, and then the country club's garden. "I'm positive about today. Let's get married."
WOW - I had expected this ending maybe not as romantic and in such a whirlwind way.
Great job for completing this novel despite everything that was happening in your life. One extra star for perseverance!
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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Thank you Helen for your review and continued support. I appreciate your friendship.
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Thank you Helen for your review and continued support. I appreciate your friendship.
Comment from Auroraboreal800
Well, maybe it's because I've been in love with Joe since long time ago, but for me the idea of planning the wedding without Sara's help is fantastic! Planning the wedding of my own children, almost sent me to a hospital for the stress. Thank you very much dear Barbara for such a lovely and great story.
Please, now take it easy, and take good care of you.
God bless you!
Alba
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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Well, maybe it's because I've been in love with Joe since long time ago, but for me the idea of planning the wedding without Sara's help is fantastic! Planning the wedding of my own children, almost sent me to a hospital for the stress. Thank you very much dear Barbara for such a lovely and great story.
Please, now take it easy, and take good care of you.
God bless you!
Alba
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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Thank you for your kind review and support.
Comment from RKagan
The six is for the entire book. What a lovely and satisfying ending. The romance, the beauty, the love, you captured it all. great book.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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The six is for the entire book. What a lovely and satisfying ending. The romance, the beauty, the love, you captured it all. great book.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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Thank you for your kind review and support and I appreciate both.
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Thank you for your kind review and support and I appreciate both.
Comment from Kevin Armes
This is the only chapter I've read but I don't think that has coloured my opinion. I was left wondering how I could be diplomatic and then I read Ted's review and I have to say I agree with him. This chapter to me has all the traits of someone sprinting to the end of the book within a predetermined word count. It's all just too 'convenient'. I don't think a woman with so many concerns about what this man has done, would buckle so totally without being spineless, and it's hard to care about such a character.
These two lines of dialogue finally nailed my opinion -
"It's gorgeous. Why did you get something so large?"
"I've already told you, Task Force men are always doing things for women with pretty faces and you're another pretty face.,"
How did he get away with saying that without a smack in the mouth and her telling him to take his ring and choke on it? :-)
I hope these comments are accepted in the constructive spirit in which they are intended, as I'm sure Ted's were too. There's no shame in having to re-write; all professional authors do it repeatedly. JK Rowling took 7 years to write her first Harry Potter and suffered several rejections.
Best wishes
Kevin Armes.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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This is the only chapter I've read but I don't think that has coloured my opinion. I was left wondering how I could be diplomatic and then I read Ted's review and I have to say I agree with him. This chapter to me has all the traits of someone sprinting to the end of the book within a predetermined word count. It's all just too 'convenient'. I don't think a woman with so many concerns about what this man has done, would buckle so totally without being spineless, and it's hard to care about such a character.
These two lines of dialogue finally nailed my opinion -
"It's gorgeous. Why did you get something so large?"
"I've already told you, Task Force men are always doing things for women with pretty faces and you're another pretty face.,"
How did he get away with saying that without a smack in the mouth and her telling him to take his ring and choke on it? :-)
I hope these comments are accepted in the constructive spirit in which they are intended, as I'm sure Ted's were too. There's no shame in having to re-write; all professional authors do it repeatedly. JK Rowling took 7 years to write her first Harry Potter and suffered several rejections.
Best wishes
Kevin Armes.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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I feel if had read the previous 358 pages then maybe you would have a different opinion. I feel and as do the rest of my 60 plus reviewers except for three of you, all males, that Joe and Sara acted entirely in character. I had no desire to rush to an end with this. I had NO idea of a certain number of words or pages, I am actully insulted that you would think that. Maybe you should actually read some of the other reviews that followed the story from page one.
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Frankly, in view of your 'I am insulted' comment, and your blatant sexism, I won't be bothering. You can prove me, and the other 'males' who took time to offer our opinion wrong when you find an agent who is prepared to publish your novel with no amendment. Please refer to my poem 'Ode to FanStory' for any further intelligent comment. Attitudes like yours seriously damage the value of the site and do nothing except feed self-delusion rather than self-improvement which should surely be the goal.
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In the interests of fairness, I randomly selected another chapter and read it. I stumbled upon Chapter 20 "Chapter 8; part two and this has only reaffirmed my first impressions. Even if I allow myself to seriously suspend belief and accept that a mother whose daughter has been snatched would paint her walls, I cannot suspend it enough to believe the dialogue. It seems many who gave it 5 stars had similar problems so I can't see why they did so. To suggest a mother would say things like 'Does this lilac look right in here?' followed almost in the same breath (and with little change in emotion)' 'Has she been raped? ' Even on an errand to fetch a hairbrush to compare her daughter's DNA she returns discussing what colour to paint the bedroom. Totally out of tough with reality in my opinion and so I'm afraid I must stick with my original review, but I least I've now done as you asked and given your work a second chance..
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In the interests of fairness, I randomly selected another chapter and read it. I stumbled upon Chapter 20 "Chapter 8; part two and this has only reaffirmed my first impressions. Even if I allow myself to seriously suspend belief and accept that a mother whose daughter has been snatched would paint her walls, I cannot suspend it enough to believe the dialogue. It seems many who gave it 5 stars had similar problems so I can't see why they did so. To suggest a mother would say things like 'Does this lilac look right in here?' followed almost in the same breath (and with little change in emotion)' 'Has she been raped? ' Even on an errand to fetch a hairbrush to compare her daughter's DNA she returns discussing what colour to paint the bedroom. Totally out of tough with reality in my opinion and so I'm afraid I must stick with my original review, but I least I've now done as you asked and given your work a second chance..
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I answered in a PM.
Comment from Ted T
Hi Barbara :)
Again, most of the narrative and dialogue is well done, but it doesn't deal with any kind of reality. You've obviously left the previous chapter as is. Therefore, Sara's responses in this closing chapter are weak I can almost believe Joe's apologies, but not much.
This story is good for another two-three chapters.
Let Joe walk off in a huff of the ego he showed in the last chapter. Separate them with disappointment and then bring them back together with a stronger understanding.
You've rushed your ending to an old cliche. I did the same with "Thorns of the Rose" and now I'm changing it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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Hi Barbara :)
Again, most of the narrative and dialogue is well done, but it doesn't deal with any kind of reality. You've obviously left the previous chapter as is. Therefore, Sara's responses in this closing chapter are weak I can almost believe Joe's apologies, but not much.
This story is good for another two-three chapters.
Let Joe walk off in a huff of the ego he showed in the last chapter. Separate them with disappointment and then bring them back together with a stronger understanding.
You've rushed your ending to an old cliche. I did the same with "Thorns of the Rose" and now I'm changing it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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I am sorry you didn't read my author's notes, because I addressed it in there. Most of my women readers loved it. Only the men had issues with it.
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Hi Barbara :)
I did read your author notes and my opinion stands. However, it's your book, your call.
Good luck with it.
Ted
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As I have said before it's the editors call. I was willing to change the ending, but the majority of my reviewers think it's romantic and expected Joe, from his previous behavior to act in this manner. One even sited Joe buying the reunion tickets without asking Sara first. I do value your input and will take it under consideration as I work on this novel before I attempt to query it.
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I wish you the best with the book :)
Ted
Comment from marcii
I understand how she must have felt with everything all ready arranged for her.
Though in the end she basically takes it in her stride an accepts she will do it his way.
Marcii
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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I understand how she must have felt with everything all ready arranged for her.
Though in the end she basically takes it in her stride an accepts she will do it his way.
Marcii
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from R. K. Alan
Wow... two novels finishing on the same day Connie's and now yours. A delightful ending. So happy that Sara finally got her head screwed on right. And just like a colonel to plan every detail then dictate to his underlings... He will need to learn his wife is now the general and needs to be consulted. Ray aka R. K. Alan (formerly Krylon)
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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Wow... two novels finishing on the same day Connie's and now yours. A delightful ending. So happy that Sara finally got her head screwed on right. And just like a colonel to plan every detail then dictate to his underlings... He will need to learn his wife is now the general and needs to be consulted. Ray aka R. K. Alan (formerly Krylon)
Comment Written 07-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
