Hands
Things that go bump in the dark36 total reviews
Comment from Isaiah Ramesses
Hello, Susan. This is another fine horror/thriller you've brought to us. You find the horror in the simplest thing. A fine job.
Isaiah
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2011
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Hello, Susan. This is another fine horror/thriller you've brought to us. You find the horror in the simplest thing. A fine job.
Isaiah
Comment Written 23-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2011
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Hi Isaiah! Thank you very much! I'm glad you liked this odd tale! It was a fun one to do! happy writing! Susan
Comment from sasil
"vigile"--s/b "vigil"
Eeek! You do an excellent job of creating a tense dread. Sitting on my own bed as I read this and remembering my own childhood boogeymen. Isn't the imagination sometimes more of a curse than a blessing? Great write, great short read--S.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2011
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"vigile"--s/b "vigil"
Eeek! You do an excellent job of creating a tense dread. Sitting on my own bed as I read this and remembering my own childhood boogeymen. Isn't the imagination sometimes more of a curse than a blessing? Great write, great short read--S.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2011
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HI Sasil!! Thanks! I fixed and I really appreciate your help! So glad you liked this! I had fun with it! HUG! Susan
Comment from Judian James
Good one in the supernatural vein that cannot be explained
A few typos Sue: "succomb" is "succumb", no "o"
Oh, and in that first paragraph, I'd economize and get rid of an "and" or two!
a comma is needed after "dry" in the fourth paragraph
I would go through the entire piece and challenge myself to try and get rid of all, or at least most, of the "ands"
For example, in the paragraph that begins, "There they are again" if you deleted the "and" and then capitalized "A" to start the next sentence, it will bring more drama to that entire paragraph. Just some thoughts.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2011
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Good one in the supernatural vein that cannot be explained
A few typos Sue: "succomb" is "succumb", no "o"
Oh, and in that first paragraph, I'd economize and get rid of an "and" or two!
a comma is needed after "dry" in the fourth paragraph
I would go through the entire piece and challenge myself to try and get rid of all, or at least most, of the "ands"
For example, in the paragraph that begins, "There they are again" if you deleted the "and" and then capitalized "A" to start the next sentence, it will bring more drama to that entire paragraph. Just some thoughts.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2011
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Hi Judian! Thank you!!I will work to fix these suggestions too! Great ideas and I appreciate! I'll jot this down and get to it after dinner! Thank you and I am sorry, I'm out of reviewer nominations, this deserves a nod! HUG! Susan
Comment from fluffnstuff
wow now that is an amazing story...whata great imagination my friend. I can see why you got an all time best, and congratulations on it by the way. My goal and I won't give up is to win a contest if it kills me, ya know? Hope ur keeping warm luvs ya di
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2011
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wow now that is an amazing story...whata great imagination my friend. I can see why you got an all time best, and congratulations on it by the way. My goal and I won't give up is to win a contest if it kills me, ya know? Hope ur keeping warm luvs ya di
Comment Written 20-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2011
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Hi Di!! Thank you !! What a great review! I really appreciate! And this story was about a nightmare that my son used to have when he was little? I really don't know why I thought of it now. But it was fun to try to use as an idea. ANd you keep working, just try to write a bit each day, and you will win someday! I havn't in almost a year! So, don't feel bad! Keep at it okay? I hope you are doing well too Dianne. ps...I still have my little unicorn!! Thank you again my friend...love, Susan
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i have a piece of artwork i will be sending you when i have a minute. was nice to chat with you. been taking care of the "other" man with a big oral surgery and he also has to have a hip repkacement...joy...talk to you soon. hows your weather//???
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Hi there! The weather channel kept saying all fall, that we would have an above average in warmthe, winter. BAH HUMBUG! It's been much colder than normal with LOTS of snow. Right now it's 5 degrees and I have to go out and feed those damn horses and walk the poor dog. I DO NOT WANT TO GO!!! ") Ahhhhh!! OH well. I hate winter...I cannot emphasize the word hate, enough. ") Luv you! Susan
Comment from Sally Carter
Very scary Susan, and you take the reader from sympathy over having a bad dream to the horror of realising something real may be happening. Good build up of tension with the accompanying thump like a heartbeat.
I noticed a few little typos (unless these words are spelt differently in the US, in which case, please ignore!)
succomb - I think should be succumb
vigile - I think should be vigil
"to it's evil will" - its
Thanks for a great chiller!
Best wishes
Sally
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2011
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Very scary Susan, and you take the reader from sympathy over having a bad dream to the horror of realising something real may be happening. Good build up of tension with the accompanying thump like a heartbeat.
I noticed a few little typos (unless these words are spelt differently in the US, in which case, please ignore!)
succomb - I think should be succumb
vigile - I think should be vigil
"to it's evil will" - its
Thanks for a great chiller!
Best wishes
Sally
Comment Written 20-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2011
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Hi Sally!! Thank you!! I will fix these mistakes and what a great helper!! HUG! I am thrilled to hear from you! I hope you are keeping warm! Thank you again Sally!! Susan
Comment from missy98writer
Susan,
your flash fiction story is riveting and very written. I could see the story happen in my head as I read the short story. Excellent narrative and great descriptive writing. In a minimum amount of words for a maximum effect you established a setting, conflict, and a resolution to your story. How horrific the hands of TV choking its victim into lifeless submission.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2011
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Susan,
your flash fiction story is riveting and very written. I could see the story happen in my head as I read the short story. Excellent narrative and great descriptive writing. In a minimum amount of words for a maximum effect you established a setting, conflict, and a resolution to your story. How horrific the hands of TV choking its victim into lifeless submission.
Melissa.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2011
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Hi Melissa! Thank you!! I had fun with this, but scared one fan, now I feel bad. I like doing different things, and these are such fun. My son had this dream as a child, I don't know what made me think of it! ") I'm happy to hear from you my friend! HUG!! Susan
Comment from anne1204
Very scary story of night terrors. Nice descriptions of the visions seen and the emotions felt. Excellent picture. I hope you sleep soundly tonight. Anne
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2011
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Very scary story of night terrors. Nice descriptions of the visions seen and the emotions felt. Excellent picture. I hope you sleep soundly tonight. Anne
Comment Written 20-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2011
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Hi again Anne! I did, sometimes I sleep in the day...up all night writing or something. This was a nightmare my son had when he was small. I tried to turn it into an adult thing. SO, glad you liked it! Thank you for a great review!! Susan
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing this story about the hands that wrap around your throat, reminded me of a nightmare i used to have when i went to college, i would wake up in the middle of the night and i would see a face hovering over me. then it would fall and feel like it was covering my face.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2011
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this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing this story about the hands that wrap around your throat, reminded me of a nightmare i used to have when i went to college, i would wake up in the middle of the night and i would see a face hovering over me. then it would fall and feel like it was covering my face.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2011
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OH Lord! THis was my son, he had this nightmare when he was around nine, and I wound up putting a nitelite in his room...it was an old house, so it scared him I think. Thank you for reading this Sweet! IT's great to hear from you!! AND I sure hope you don't have your baddream again! Wow...I would have jumped out of bed suffocating had I had that one!! ") Susan
Comment from Rama Rao
This is a short piece of thriller fiction.It was OK, but I wished you had built up the suspense some more. Anyway, it made good reading.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2011
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This is a short piece of thriller fiction.It was OK, but I wished you had built up the suspense some more. Anyway, it made good reading.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2011
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Hi, Ramarao! I took your advice and added to the start of this...I hope you like it better if you take time to read it again ? I agree, it was too short. Adrupt. You are a tough reviewer and that's good. I have your horse story almost done...thank you for sticking with me...Susan
Comment from koyoga
Ah, how I love a good ghost story. Those
hands were creepy - yet mesmerizing to the
reader. Your writing is spot on with imagery
and descriptive phrases. Great job!
Keep the lights on!
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2011
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Ah, how I love a good ghost story. Those
hands were creepy - yet mesmerizing to the
reader. Your writing is spot on with imagery
and descriptive phrases. Great job!
Keep the lights on!
Comment Written 19-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2011
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HI There! This was a dream my son had! So, I just turned it into an adult thing? Sort of. Thanks, it was a fun write! ") Good to hear from you!! Susan
