Blowin' In The Wind
On dandelion fluff and wings of dreams23 total reviews
Comment from DmierMortus
I actually really enjoyed this little story. It had little parts here and there that didn't flow all that well, but with this not being poetry, that doesn't really matter. It had very cute little imagery when thinking of the little girl in hay reading to little kittens while also having a sad tug at the heart when thinking of what the girl was trying to escape from. Over all a very good read.
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reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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I actually really enjoyed this little story. It had little parts here and there that didn't flow all that well, but with this not being poetry, that doesn't really matter. It had very cute little imagery when thinking of the little girl in hay reading to little kittens while also having a sad tug at the heart when thinking of what the girl was trying to escape from. Over all a very good read.
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Comment Written 10-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Hi there! I am sorry you thought this didn't flow? If you will, let me know what I can do to make it a five or? We are supposed to downgrade on technicalities, so I am willing to hear your input! Thanks too, and welcome to Fanstory! Susan
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I'm sorry I hadn't gotten the start message saying how significant the stars were. I just always rate things in the thinking of five being perfect so I try to rate them accordingly.
The parts that I thought didn't flow were when the scenes seemed to jump. For instance, "Her world was chaos and misery. But she knew how to escape. She crawled out the window and took her favorite book. The kittens in the haymow would keep her company until things calmed down." I only said that it didn't flow because it seemed that you jumped from one thought, to explain what you were doing, and then afterwards you continued with "Little sounds greeted her as she neared the top of the steps that led to her sanctuary." Which when you wrote that after you had previously summed up what she was doing, it seemed like you were jumping around with the story again.
The jumping around is what I meant by the flow being a little off. From what I have understood, the entire idea of writing is to take a person away from their surroundings and bring their mind into this story. When the story jumps around, it brings the reader out of the story for a second and can sometimes take a bit of the setting and mood away with it; at least that was what happened when I was reading it.
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Hi again! Thank you for this kind reply...These shorts are called flash, because we have to describe the story in the least amount of words. And the reader is supposed to read between the lines? So, that's why it may seem that way? Just want to explain, we aren't supposed to defend? I see you are new, so I understand. I appreciate your input...I will read it later and see if I can make it better. Happy writing! Susan
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Oh hi again! Six is perfect, altho there is really no such thing! ") thank you again! S.
Comment from CodyJack
Out to where the dandylions grew. (dandelions)
It is sop sad when the children are effected so much by parents who yell and abuse so much. I can see this poor little girl trying to save her own sanity. Great story but so sad. Your friend, Cody
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Out to where the dandylions grew. (dandelions)
It is sop sad when the children are effected so much by parents who yell and abuse so much. I can see this poor little girl trying to save her own sanity. Great story but so sad. Your friend, Cody
Comment Written 10-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Hi there! I am SO glad you read this. And I spelled dandylions that way on purpose, should I change it then? I wasn't sure. I appreciate your help so much. Hope you are keeping warm and safe where you are. Blessings Cody! Susan
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It is up to you hon. That is the way in the dictionary but if you like it that way, it is your poetry. What does a dictionary know? LOL Have a good night. Cody
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Okay, and thank you again! I have to go out and give our horses some hay and run the dog...it's just TOO cold for words. I don't want to go! ") Keep warm!! ") Susan
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
Thanks for haring your story with me .A very interesting story it had me on my seat and I caught up in the characters. Thanks .Mary
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reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Thanks for haring your story with me .A very interesting story it had me on my seat and I caught up in the characters. Thanks .Mary
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Comment Written 10-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2011
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Hi again! Thank you Mary! You are the first to read it! I am wanting spring so badly...I don't know what brought this one on...?? Thank you again! I hope you have a great day/night? Me and my cat are both sneezing tonight! ") xoxo!! Susan
