Thinking with The Wrong Head
The screwing he gets for the screwing he got.71 total reviews
Comment from forestport12
The surprise twist at the end was powerful and worth getting through the fight scene. You do an interesting job of extensively setting a scene or describing a character completely with good word choices that build a strong story, even a short one.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2011
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The surprise twist at the end was powerful and worth getting through the fight scene. You do an interesting job of extensively setting a scene or describing a character completely with good word choices that build a strong story, even a short one.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2011
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Thanks so much, Stan. I appreciate your review and time.
Comment from IndianaIrish
Gripping story that hung onto me like a barrel going over Niagara Falls. I knew it was gonna smash in the end, but oh, what a ride. Great descriptions that pulled me right into that barrel. Best of luck!
Indy :>)
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Gripping story that hung onto me like a barrel going over Niagara Falls. I knew it was gonna smash in the end, but oh, what a ride. Great descriptions that pulled me right into that barrel. Best of luck!
Indy :>)
Comment Written 03-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Thanks so much, Indy. You made my day.
Comment from Sandollar
This is an excellent story. You give such great descriptions, I can visualize everything. Loved the confrontation between the husband and the lover.
Marion is a horrible person, but then, he should've put a raincoat on it. I liked the last line very much. I imagine that's how it would feel. Great job. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
I found no errors.
Sandollar
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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This is an excellent story. You give such great descriptions, I can visualize everything. Loved the confrontation between the husband and the lover.
Marion is a horrible person, but then, he should've put a raincoat on it. I liked the last line very much. I imagine that's how it would feel. Great job. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
I found no errors.
Sandollar
Comment Written 03-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Well, thankyou, Sandollar. I appreciate this review coming from a good writer that you are.
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Bob what an unexpected ending...an extremely well developed story ... great character definition, vivid conversations, and that ending ... truly a smack down. loved it! xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Bob what an unexpected ending...an extremely well developed story ... great character definition, vivid conversations, and that ending ... truly a smack down. loved it! xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 03-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Thanks so much, Kiwi. I appreciate this...How did you know this was my writing? by my portfolio? this is a blind. LOl..
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thanks for giving me the first real laugh of the year ...you really are a sweety aren't you ... lol xoxo Kiwi
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uuuuuuh...if you say so...LOL..:) Bob
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uuuuuuh...if you say so...LOL..:) Bob
Comment from sibhus
Excellent story with some first rate descriptions that really make this pop. Great pace filled with well defined action that makes this tale hum. The ending was so unexpected and it created a strong smpythitic response for your main character. Good job and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Excellent story with some first rate descriptions that really make this pop. Great pace filled with well defined action that makes this tale hum. The ending was so unexpected and it created a strong smpythitic response for your main character. Good job and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Thanks a lot, sibhus. I appreciate your review very much.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello BOB
I see you have a interesting twist in your story
The syntax was well done and what amazing sights, smells etc. you have written.
To tell you the truth I'm glad the seedy and to me disusing character got his comings.
Cert
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Hello BOB
I see you have a interesting twist in your story
The syntax was well done and what amazing sights, smells etc. you have written.
To tell you the truth I'm glad the seedy and to me disusing character got his comings.
Cert
Comment Written 03-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Thanks so much, Gert. I am glad you liked this one...
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You are welcome
Gert
Comment from joannesnow
Well written, easy to follow, and very intense. Your clever use of similes and metaphors e.g. anorexic bullfrog bring your characters to life. Your conclusion, very sad, but unfortunately a part of today's society. Great drama, enjoyable, sad, but true.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Well written, easy to follow, and very intense. Your clever use of similes and metaphors e.g. anorexic bullfrog bring your characters to life. Your conclusion, very sad, but unfortunately a part of today's society. Great drama, enjoyable, sad, but true.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Thanks so much, Joanne. I appreciate your comments.
Comment from missy98writer
Mystery Writer,
your humor fiction titled Thinking with the Wrong Head is a hot and very written. Excellent narrative, great dialogue and very good descriptive writing. You managed to established a setting, conflict, and a resolution to your story. I loved it how Jonah go this comeuppance. Your description of him was perfection; "Jonah was a slob. A tall, fleshy man with a hound-dog face, wrinkled like yesterday's tan shirt. He didn't deserve Marion, she was too high classed. He knew that, but his bulk and personal hygeine didn't seem to matter to her. He made her happy in the sack, and that's all that counted wasn't it? His double-wide smelled like Dinty-Moore beef stew, coffee, sweat, and the vagrant vegetable odor of marijuana. Jonah eyed the leftover carry-out food on the kitchen counter. Packing his face with curly fries, he was feeling increasingly upbeat. His fleshy cheeks glistened with French fry grease, and poppy seeds speckled his stained teeth." Marion had AIDS. Jonah is screwed. He made his own bed now he must wallow in it. Your story is an excellent entry in the contest. I wish you good luck in the contest.
Missy.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Mystery Writer,
your humor fiction titled Thinking with the Wrong Head is a hot and very written. Excellent narrative, great dialogue and very good descriptive writing. You managed to established a setting, conflict, and a resolution to your story. I loved it how Jonah go this comeuppance. Your description of him was perfection; "Jonah was a slob. A tall, fleshy man with a hound-dog face, wrinkled like yesterday's tan shirt. He didn't deserve Marion, she was too high classed. He knew that, but his bulk and personal hygeine didn't seem to matter to her. He made her happy in the sack, and that's all that counted wasn't it? His double-wide smelled like Dinty-Moore beef stew, coffee, sweat, and the vagrant vegetable odor of marijuana. Jonah eyed the leftover carry-out food on the kitchen counter. Packing his face with curly fries, he was feeling increasingly upbeat. His fleshy cheeks glistened with French fry grease, and poppy seeds speckled his stained teeth." Marion had AIDS. Jonah is screwed. He made his own bed now he must wallow in it. Your story is an excellent entry in the contest. I wish you good luck in the contest.
Missy.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Awww. Thanks so much, Missy. you area sweetheart. I'm glad you liked this story and hope you continue to support it as much as you can. Bob
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Author,
This is a great story. Your descriptions of your characters and their surroundings is first rate, making me believe you have been an author for a long time. This is an outstanding story for the contest and I wish you well....chey
Meant to give you six stars! But the system won't let me...so sorry...chey
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Hi Author,
This is a great story. Your descriptions of your characters and their surroundings is first rate, making me believe you have been an author for a long time. This is an outstanding story for the contest and I wish you well....chey
Meant to give you six stars! But the system won't let me...so sorry...chey
Comment Written 03-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Thanks so much, Chey. I truly appreciate this review and your intention to give me a six is so kind.
Comment from RebelRose
I love that line above your title "the screwing he gets for the screwing he got." I enjoyed this story. A good contender for this contest.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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I love that line above your title "the screwing he gets for the screwing he got." I enjoyed this story. A good contender for this contest.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2011
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Thanks so much, Rose. I appreciate your time and your remarks...
