Water Under the Bridge
senryu110 total reviews
Comment from Bellringer
Excellent senryu with very helpful author's notes. Your last line has the important irony---dark though it be. The people under the bridge who lose their makeshift homes are forgotten by those who are better off. Blessings, Hector
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Excellent senryu with very helpful author's notes. Your last line has the important irony---dark though it be. The people under the bridge who lose their makeshift homes are forgotten by those who are better off. Blessings, Hector
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Hector, thank you for your insightful reading of this satiric senryu. :-) Brooke
Comment from Eternal Muse
How clever - the play on the double meaning of "water under the bridge" - made me smile. This certainly qualifies as a senryu in its satirical, ironic or humorous content. Loved the first line. Great picture to accompany. This would certainly make a very strong contender, I wish you the best of luck with it.
Very much enjoyed this one - have you tried centering it?
Love and hugs, Yelena
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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How clever - the play on the double meaning of "water under the bridge" - made me smile. This certainly qualifies as a senryu in its satirical, ironic or humorous content. Loved the first line. Great picture to accompany. This would certainly make a very strong contender, I wish you the best of luck with it.
Very much enjoyed this one - have you tried centering it?
Love and hugs, Yelena
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Thanks for your thoughtful reading of this satirical senryu, Yelena - yes, I looked at it centered and this poem does not look right to me that way :-) Brooke
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I looked at it again. Actually the left justification does compliment the work.
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I looked at it again. Actually the left justification does compliment the work.
Comment from redrider6612
Very interesting connection you've made here, Brooke. Society would prefer to forget the homeless just like 'water under the bridge'. Perfect senryu form, though I'm not sure the dashes are necessary since the last line is a commentary on the first two and one naturally pauses there. Best wishes in the contest.
Hugs,
Diane
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Very interesting connection you've made here, Brooke. Society would prefer to forget the homeless just like 'water under the bridge'. Perfect senryu form, though I'm not sure the dashes are necessary since the last line is a commentary on the first two and one naturally pauses there. Best wishes in the contest.
Hugs,
Diane
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Thanks, Diane, for your thoughtful reading of this satiric senryu.
Brooke
Comment from Parashakti
This is a perfect picture to adorn your poem, and your writing is deep, in few words you can share a powerful message.
Nice job
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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This is a perfect picture to adorn your poem, and your writing is deep, in few words you can share a powerful message.
Nice job
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Thanks so much, Parashakti :-) Brooke
Comment from Val Crisson
I have been trying to write haikus, but your poem made me realize I want to write senryus. Bridges and homeless go hand and in hand, as when I lived in Portland. I feel for children that live this life or are so aware of it at an early age. Thank you for the reminder
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2010
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I have been trying to write haikus, but your poem made me realize I want to write senryus. Bridges and homeless go hand and in hand, as when I lived in Portland. I feel for children that live this life or are so aware of it at an early age. Thank you for the reminder
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2010
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Thanks you, Val - I appreciate your thoughtful response to this poem :-) Brooke
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i was lovely--i just responed to your review--thank you again
Comment from Sasha
Excellent poem made even more powerful by the notes written after. I have heard that expression hundreds of times but never in this context. Very nice work with this one. Great entry for this contest too. I wish you all the best.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
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Excellent poem made even more powerful by the notes written after. I have heard that expression hundreds of times but never in this context. Very nice work with this one. Great entry for this contest too. I wish you all the best.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
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Thank you, Valerie - I was hoping it would be a surprising use of this term. Brooke :-)
Comment from Realist101
I know the feeling all too well. Altho our "bridge" was cars. NO fun. This poem is the best sentiment for this time of year. For those of us who are lucky enough to have a home now, we need to remember the ones who do not. Perfectly done senryu Brooke. A six in my heart...susan...UPDATE!!? I could not find the bottom of the list to congratulate you Brooke, So I hope it's okay to do so here? I loved the little clapping hands in the lineup of fans, I wish I could add those here! Good job, and so deserved...your friend, Susan
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
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I know the feeling all too well. Altho our "bridge" was cars. NO fun. This poem is the best sentiment for this time of year. For those of us who are lucky enough to have a home now, we need to remember the ones who do not. Perfectly done senryu Brooke. A six in my heart...susan...UPDATE!!? I could not find the bottom of the list to congratulate you Brooke, So I hope it's okay to do so here? I loved the little clapping hands in the lineup of fans, I wish I could add those here! Good job, and so deserved...your friend, Susan
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
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Thanks so much for the six in your heart, Susan - you are a kind woman :-) Brooke
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You are too my friend...hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I need to donate to our homeless shelter in Bloomington asap. Susan
Comment from Dave M
Brooke,
This is an excellent senryu about tent cities swept away by floods and general unconcern. I enjoyed this post and couldn't find anything to criticize.
Dave
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2010
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Brooke,
This is an excellent senryu about tent cities swept away by floods and general unconcern. I enjoyed this post and couldn't find anything to criticize.
Dave
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2010
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Thanks so much, Dave :-) Brooke
Comment from percival86jack
We often hear the term, "water under the bridge" as if nothing can change it so why worry about it. In this case, it's about those unfortunate forgotten souls of the world. A sad tale... big hugs, Jackles xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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We often hear the term, "water under the bridge" as if nothing can change it so why worry about it. In this case, it's about those unfortunate forgotten souls of the world. A sad tale... big hugs, Jackles xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
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Jack, thank you for this perceptive reading of my poem. Brooke :-)
Comment from fictionwriter
Oh that is just cruel. Good cardboard boxes are really hard to come by now, as recycling has become popular. I feel for those whose home washed away. Great job.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
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Oh that is just cruel. Good cardboard boxes are really hard to come by now, as recycling has become popular. I feel for those whose home washed away. Great job.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
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Thank you, Joy, for your thoughtful response to this poem. Brooke
