Water Under the Bridge
senryu110 total reviews
Comment from Trybuck
It's one thing to give to the homeless but when someone let us know that they know one of the homeless personally, it puts everything in a different perspective. It brings it closer to home.
Well done, Buck
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
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It's one thing to give to the homeless but when someone let us know that they know one of the homeless personally, it puts everything in a different perspective. It brings it closer to home.
Well done, Buck
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
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Buck, you are so right - they're not just this nameless, faceless set of hobos - they are people's uncles and fathers and daughters, not water under the bridge. Thanks so much, my friend. Brooke :-)
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. There is very good imagery. I guess when you are homeless, you need some type of protection from the elements.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
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This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. There is very good imagery. I guess when you are homeless, you need some type of protection from the elements.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
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Thanks, Charlie - yes, sometimes the bridge is the best thing available. Brooke
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You're welcome, Brooke. Charlie
Comment from missy98writer
Brooke,
your senryu is in excellent form and syllable count. Your art work is gorgeous. Your words a rich in imagery. Effective satori line. I think it's so sad folks have to live under a bridge and when it floods they have no home. I does make you ponder. I wish you good luck in the contest. You did a wonderful job with your social commentary in Sentry poetry form. I hope you have a lovely weekend. I for one am sick of being sick and I'm tired to turkey.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
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Brooke,
your senryu is in excellent form and syllable count. Your art work is gorgeous. Your words a rich in imagery. Effective satori line. I think it's so sad folks have to live under a bridge and when it floods they have no home. I does make you ponder. I wish you good luck in the contest. You did a wonderful job with your social commentary in Sentry poetry form. I hope you have a lovely weekend. I for one am sick of being sick and I'm tired to turkey.
Melissa.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
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I am so sad to hear you're still feeling ill, Melissa. I'm sending you healing hugs. Thanks so much :-) Brooke
Comment from shariannegaylee
Excellent. As (sadly) the mother of a son who prefers his drugs and living under a bridge to having a home and building a new life, I was greatly impacted by the stark simplicity of the poem. Your author notes made even more of an impact.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
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Excellent. As (sadly) the mother of a son who prefers his drugs and living under a bridge to having a home and building a new life, I was greatly impacted by the stark simplicity of the poem. Your author notes made even more of an impact.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
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Thanks so much, Sharian, for sharing your experience with me even moreso than the generous review - I'm so sorry you have such a personal reason for connecting with this senryu. Brooke
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Ah, yes, and I see you read my story about my mother (and father) around Christmas. Somehow, I think these things get passed on through the genes.
Comment from the blue pixel
I felt immediately sad after reading your senryu. Not only do you remind the reader how there is an entire sub culture that lives this way, but your choice of words heightened this wretched fact that not only do these people have no proper home, but they are subject to losing it at some whim of nature. Rather like the 3 Little Pigs building a house of straw. xx Carol
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
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I felt immediately sad after reading your senryu. Not only do you remind the reader how there is an entire sub culture that lives this way, but your choice of words heightened this wretched fact that not only do these people have no proper home, but they are subject to losing it at some whim of nature. Rather like the 3 Little Pigs building a house of straw. xx Carol
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
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Thank you, Carol - yes, bridges and cardboard boxes and tarps do not do much when there is torrential rain or a blizzard. Every shelter in town has a waiting list, from the one county run one to the Salvation Army. Thanks so very much for your most generous review, dear friend. Brooke
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Australia has its own ever growing population of homesless too and it was something mainstream society didn't hear about at all until farily recently, historically speaking. You are welcome to a very well deserved 6 Brooke. xx Carol
Comment from tamarap2
I thank you for your author notes re: cynical darkly humorous tones. After reading them, I have given this much contemplation. I read it earlier and find myself coming back to it. Upon first read I was uncomfortable with the last line, for it felt dismissive to those who are homeless. However, I never review a poem based on whether I agree with its content so I passed it by. But now I'm back and for some reason the last line feels "softer" and somewhat poignant. This still throws me a bit and has made me want to delve into what it is that I feel. This is good. I'm glad you shared what inspired you to write it. Of course, your syllabic count is as it should be
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
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I thank you for your author notes re: cynical darkly humorous tones. After reading them, I have given this much contemplation. I read it earlier and find myself coming back to it. Upon first read I was uncomfortable with the last line, for it felt dismissive to those who are homeless. However, I never review a poem based on whether I agree with its content so I passed it by. But now I'm back and for some reason the last line feels "softer" and somewhat poignant. This still throws me a bit and has made me want to delve into what it is that I feel. This is good. I'm glad you shared what inspired you to write it. Of course, your syllabic count is as it should be
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
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Tamara, the final line is supposed to sound dismissive - that is the way far too many people feel about homeless people in our society, dismissive, which is the satiric point of the senryu. It is a commentary on the fact that as a society we so easily dismiss fellow human beings (or surely, they would not be living as they do). Thank you for your willingness to think about this poem. Brooke
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So, my first take on it was correct despite my confusion. However, I was lost re: satire which I always thought was comedy, but am being told that it is not always comedy. Now I understand that this piece is written in society's voice-society's disregard. Can you explain to me what satire is other than comedy, parody, poking fun?
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satire is a specific kind of comedy that comments on society or human foibles in a negative way. Let me give you a famous example. Jonathan Swift, the guy who wrote Gulliver's Travels, was a famous satirist. He wrote an essay called A Modest Proposal at a time people were starving to death in Ireland. The proposal was an essay in which he advocated fattening up the toddlers and butchering them for meat so that people would be fed. Now, of course, he did not really want to butcher and eat little children, but as a satirist, this is how he made his political/social point that the government needed to do SOMEthing to help the starving people. Shows like Saturday Night Live and the Daily Show are satire shows that poke fun at politicians and corporate leaders for extremely serious things, but they do so through comedy.
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Yes, I just said to my aunt that I get that The Daily Show (which I love and watch) is political satire. I guess I was thinking it included something more that I did not understand. Thank you Brooke for clearing this up for me. I'm frustrated that I lacked a clear understanding of your senyru when it seems so obvious now that you were addressing society's disregard and complacency. I've enjoyed this discussing your work
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Yes, I just said to my aunt that I get that The Daily Show (which I love and watch) is political satire. I guess I was thinking it included something more that I did not understand. Thank you Brooke for clearing this up for me. I'm frustrated that I lacked a clear understanding of your senyru when it seems so obvious now that you were addressing society's disregard and complacency. I've enjoyed this discussing your work
Comment from bowls
This really does make a statement, and it certainly is cynical. In a very literal sense, there is water under the bridge. In another sense, the speaker could be saying these people are unimportant, and so what if their homes are swept away and their lives ruined. This is a very powerful statement in only three lines. I'm impressed with how much meaning you were able to pack into this poem.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2010
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This really does make a statement, and it certainly is cynical. In a very literal sense, there is water under the bridge. In another sense, the speaker could be saying these people are unimportant, and so what if their homes are swept away and their lives ruined. This is a very powerful statement in only three lines. I'm impressed with how much meaning you were able to pack into this poem.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2010
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Bowls, thanks so much for your thoughtful review - sorry for the delayed reply as I try to play catch up. Brooke :-)
Comment from rama devi
Very interesting notes, Brooke. You may recall the HOBO KIG in my Chocolate JInglin' story--he lived under an overpass --sort of the same as a bridge. ;-)
Good senryu--original and well presented.
Best of luck!
Love, rd
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
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Very interesting notes, Brooke. You may recall the HOBO KIG in my Chocolate JInglin' story--he lived under an overpass --sort of the same as a bridge. ;-)
Good senryu--original and well presented.
Best of luck!
Love, rd
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
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rama devi, yes, I do remember your story and its setting. Thanks so much for your kind review, and I hope your back is doing OK. Brooke
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:-) Thanks dear. Improving.
Comment from Writeaway...
Brooke, your talent impresses me yet again, I like this style of poetry, a pleasure to read. I can suggest nothing for improvment, excellent job, good luck in the contest, keep writing!! :)
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2010
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Brooke, your talent impresses me yet again, I like this style of poetry, a pleasure to read. I can suggest nothing for improvment, excellent job, good luck in the contest, keep writing!! :)
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2010
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Thanks so much, Jakeyboy :-) Brooke
Comment from barbara.wilkey
It's amazing how many people live under bridges or tunnels. One would think something could be done about since we are one of the riches countries in the world, wouldn't one?
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reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
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It's amazing how many people live under bridges or tunnels. One would think something could be done about since we are one of the riches countries in the world, wouldn't one?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2010
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You would think so, wouldn't you, Barbara?? Hope you're having a restful holiday weekend, my friend. Brooke :-)
