All Because of the Burger
A rather stingingly bad time18 total reviews
Comment from deb552
Hi John, it's been awhile since I've done some reading and I wanted to check out more of your work. This is a great, fun story to read. Having 3 dogs I can really appreciate it that much more. I love that your dog Chloe was telling the story and the dialogue between to 2 animals is so believable. As humans , I think we always wonder what animals wound say to one another, and I can picture this as really going on. You said this was written as a kids story and I think they would love it. I have to tell that as an adult, I totally enjoyed it but then again, I've never actually grown up.I watch my Jack Russell try and catch bees and I dread the day she succeeds, and she will too! I'm so glad I read this.It put a smile on my face. deb
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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Hi John, it's been awhile since I've done some reading and I wanted to check out more of your work. This is a great, fun story to read. Having 3 dogs I can really appreciate it that much more. I love that your dog Chloe was telling the story and the dialogue between to 2 animals is so believable. As humans , I think we always wonder what animals wound say to one another, and I can picture this as really going on. You said this was written as a kids story and I think they would love it. I have to tell that as an adult, I totally enjoyed it but then again, I've never actually grown up.I watch my Jack Russell try and catch bees and I dread the day she succeeds, and she will too! I'm so glad I read this.It put a smile on my face. deb
Comment Written 14-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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I always wonder how dogs communicate. The two dogs in the story are actually our two dogs, Chloe and Mindy. They always seem to be in tune with each other... thanks for reading and commenting deb...
John
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sounds likeyour dogs and my dogs are on the same "page" so to speak. I wonder what it'd be like if they all got together. deb
Comment from Cairn Destop
Though children's stories are not my style, I can appreciate the simplistic approach. I'm thinking it centering around the family pets should add some appeal. To then learn there is some fact behind the fiction only made it more enjoyable.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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Though children's stories are not my style, I can appreciate the simplistic approach. I'm thinking it centering around the family pets should add some appeal. To then learn there is some fact behind the fiction only made it more enjoyable.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2010
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Cairn, sorry it took so long to respond, been busy at work. Thanks for reading and commenting and a generous rating. John
Comment from Readywriter52
It is an interesting story. Poor Chloe got stung by a bee. It must have been painful. I would have run too. I imagine many children will be able to relate to Chloe.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2010
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It is an interesting story. Poor Chloe got stung by a bee. It must have been painful. I would have run too. I imagine many children will be able to relate to Chloe.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2010
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Thanks Readywriter52 for taking the time to read me story and commenting. I appreciate it.
Comment from Veekz
Lovely children's story, nice characters in it however I think it could have done with some more descriptions regarding them as it was quite hard to tell what they were (beagles) in the end, the way Mindy acts I actually thought she was a cat most of the way through. Good build though up with a lovely ending.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2010
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Lovely children's story, nice characters in it however I think it could have done with some more descriptions regarding them as it was quite hard to tell what they were (beagles) in the end, the way Mindy acts I actually thought she was a cat most of the way through. Good build though up with a lovely ending.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2010
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Veekz.... first thank you for reading my story and taking the time to comment, I do appreciate that. If you go back to the story, you will find that the two lines after the first paragraph which kicks off the story based on the prompt, identifies them as a Britanny spaniel and a beagle. Maybe you read over that?? Thanks.
Comment from marcii
Marvelous story narrated by one of the main characters which just happened to be a dog.
Been stung by a bee myself, ouch, poor dog would of been in all kinds of pain.
I enjoyed this very much.
Good luck in the contest.
Marcii
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Marvelous story narrated by one of the main characters which just happened to be a dog.
Been stung by a bee myself, ouch, poor dog would of been in all kinds of pain.
I enjoyed this very much.
Good luck in the contest.
Marcii
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Thank you marcii for reading nd reviewing my story. I like that word "marvelous", thank you....
Comment from mojo78
Eh I have seen films before where the dogs are brought into the lime light and the character are the dogs they are the ones with the personality and in control of the story. Never read a book where the dog is the one giving the story before. This is a interesting read. What must it be like living a dogs world. I love cats and dogs so this makes for a cute interesting read. A great story that a child would enjoy and probably a family would enjoy reading to the child. : )
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Eh I have seen films before where the dogs are brought into the lime light and the character are the dogs they are the ones with the personality and in control of the story. Never read a book where the dog is the one giving the story before. This is a interesting read. What must it be like living a dogs world. I love cats and dogs so this makes for a cute interesting read. A great story that a child would enjoy and probably a family would enjoy reading to the child. : )
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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mojo... thank you for reading this story and for your comments. They are certainly appreciated. Pursuit of this one and others, I would at some point like to publish a childrens book. Thanks for the encouragement.
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your welcome i am sure you will some day publish
Comment from bowls
The ending is just great. I think children would learn from the actions of the beagle - and learn to stay away from bees from the spaniel. Most of the story uses fairly ordinary words children could deal with - except when the dogs are showing off. I wonder though about the names of the two medications. Would they perhaps be a bit too hard? Nicely written. In the paragraph starting "I know..." you write the plural BEES with an apostrophe. It shouldn't have one.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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The ending is just great. I think children would learn from the actions of the beagle - and learn to stay away from bees from the spaniel. Most of the story uses fairly ordinary words children could deal with - except when the dogs are showing off. I wonder though about the names of the two medications. Would they perhaps be a bit too hard? Nicely written. In the paragraph starting "I know..." you write the plural BEES with an apostrophe. It shouldn't have one.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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bowls... I made the "bee's" correction. Thank you for stopping to read my story and for commenting on it as well. Constructive commentary are always appreciated.
Comment from Martin Sloan
Hi Author,
I enjoyed this story tremendously. I felt it was true to life, energetic and funny. All the best for the contest.
Martin
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Hi Author,
I enjoyed this story tremendously. I felt it was true to life, energetic and funny. All the best for the contest.
Martin
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Thank you Martin for stopping to read and comment, I appreciate your time...
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Hi E.P.,
You're welcome. Just sent you a couple of longer replies.
Martin
Comment from Begin Again
Wonderful!
I am a major dog lover and so are my children/grandchildren. I can see everyone laughing at the illustrations and simply adoring your story..this would make a gorgeous children's book.
smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Wonderful!
I am a major dog lover and so are my children/grandchildren. I can see everyone laughing at the illustrations and simply adoring your story..this would make a gorgeous children's book.
smiles, Carol
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Carol, you just made my day, weekend and month by telling me that this would make a gorgeous childrens book. My goal when joining FS besides learning the art of writing was to write children stories. I got away from that for a while, but recently have found my goal again. You have given me additional courage. Thank you... after the contest I would like to send a PM to introduce myself if you would not mind.
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I would love that..Looking forward to getting to know you...Smiles
Comment from KATYBUG:)
this was a very humerous story. i enjoyed it very much, i espically liked the beginning when they were argueing and calling each other pea brain. great childs story. best of luck in the contest:)
love
katy
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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this was a very humerous story. i enjoyed it very much, i espically liked the beginning when they were argueing and calling each other pea brain. great childs story. best of luck in the contest:)
love
katy
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Thank you katy, I certainly appreciate you reading this and commenting. I appreciate your well wishes.
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your welcome
love
katy
