Pumpkin Fate
Bad things happen to bad people.67 total reviews
Comment from Susan Morritt
Wow. I wish this story had continued longer I was so engrossed in the plot and characters. What a fitting ending for such an evil man. I especially loved the description of Coley with his red cheeks and blue skin with tattoos. Your mention of the family crest and the man with no nose was hilarious. I actually could see the story unfold in my mind as if it was on film as I was reading. Brilliant!
Susan
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019
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Wow. I wish this story had continued longer I was so engrossed in the plot and characters. What a fitting ending for such an evil man. I especially loved the description of Coley with his red cheeks and blue skin with tattoos. Your mention of the family crest and the man with no nose was hilarious. I actually could see the story unfold in my mind as if it was on film as I was reading. Brilliant!
Susan
Comment Written 20-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019
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Thanks so much, Susan. I appreciate the six stars, your comments and especially YOU. : ) Bob
Comment from Tpa
WOW! out of the many writings that I read from you, this by far tops them all for me. It was funny yet sad. Full of hatred, pity, and sorrow. The ending I never saw coming, tragic, but glad for the woman and boy. A great adventure my friend.
Did you ever sell some of your short fiction?
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019
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WOW! out of the many writings that I read from you, this by far tops them all for me. It was funny yet sad. Full of hatred, pity, and sorrow. The ending I never saw coming, tragic, but glad for the woman and boy. A great adventure my friend.
Did you ever sell some of your short fiction?
Comment Written 19-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019
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Thanks, tom. I appreciate your six stars and comments very much. No...I never tried to seell my short stories. : ) Bob
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Great story! From the beginning the main character gathers the animosity of the reader right through to the end when God forbid we want to say good riddance. The prevalent aura of selfishness and meanness surrounding him was very well displayed. Every facet of the environment was very well written. The ending was very satisfying. The prize; well deserved.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019
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Great story! From the beginning the main character gathers the animosity of the reader right through to the end when God forbid we want to say good riddance. The prevalent aura of selfishness and meanness surrounding him was very well displayed. Every facet of the environment was very well written. The ending was very satisfying. The prize; well deserved.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019
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Thanks so much, my friend. I am glad you liked it and thanks for the sixth star. : ) Bob
Comment from Debbie Pope
There is justice in the world. At least in this short story. It is masterfully written. I always love your graphic descriptions, but you outdid yourself with this one. I particularly like your description of the Half Moon Tavern "where the locals blew their paychecks and tempers every Friday night." I just wrote a Flash Fiction about a night at a tavern, so I was interested to see how you set up your tavern.
Your story is also a good character study. I actually don't like any of your characters except Josh. Lauren is too weak. She should have more backbone. What decent mother would leave her young son "on his own" with an abusive man? And, of course, Coley is scum and got what he deserved.
Thanks for reposting. I appreciate it since I missed so many years of your stories.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019
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There is justice in the world. At least in this short story. It is masterfully written. I always love your graphic descriptions, but you outdid yourself with this one. I particularly like your description of the Half Moon Tavern "where the locals blew their paychecks and tempers every Friday night." I just wrote a Flash Fiction about a night at a tavern, so I was interested to see how you set up your tavern.
Your story is also a good character study. I actually don't like any of your characters except Josh. Lauren is too weak. She should have more backbone. What decent mother would leave her young son "on his own" with an abusive man? And, of course, Coley is scum and got what he deserved.
Thanks for reposting. I appreciate it since I missed so many years of your stories.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019
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Thanks so much, Debbie. I appreciate your six stars and positive remarks very much. Glad you liked this story. : ) Bob
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Once again, I can see why this post is a former contest entry. It has it all, great characters, plot, problem, and an interesting solution. Unfortunately this story is all to real for many.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019
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Once again, I can see why this post is a former contest entry. It has it all, great characters, plot, problem, and an interesting solution. Unfortunately this story is all to real for many.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019
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Thank you, dear friend. : ) Bob
Comment from Sankey
Glad I had a SIX for this. Very well done full of your usual special expressions making for great storytelling. Well done old mate. Thanks for getting this out again.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019
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Glad I had a SIX for this. Very well done full of your usual special expressions making for great storytelling. Well done old mate. Thanks for getting this out again.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019
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You are most welcome, Geoff. I always appreciate your input and commentary. Thanks for the six stars and bless you mate. : ) Bob
Comment from Joan E.
You certainly wove the required words seamlessly into your intriguing story. You had me with the patrons of the watering hole blowing their "paychecks and tempers every Friday night"! Congratulations on winning the contest as well. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2019
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You certainly wove the required words seamlessly into your intriguing story. You had me with the patrons of the watering hole blowing their "paychecks and tempers every Friday night"! Congratulations on winning the contest as well. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 19-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2019
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Thanks Joanie. You are such a sweetheart. : ) Bob
Comment from Gail Denham
Good story - and really, a good ending I'd say.
Personally I felt there was a bit too much detail - and too much of the description when the woman got up and looked in the mirror. The story plot is good - but somehow it gets a bit lost in details - it might be stronger if you cut it, edited out the extra. Just my opinion.
It flows well, easy to follow
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2019
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Good story - and really, a good ending I'd say.
Personally I felt there was a bit too much detail - and too much of the description when the woman got up and looked in the mirror. The story plot is good - but somehow it gets a bit lost in details - it might be stronger if you cut it, edited out the extra. Just my opinion.
It flows well, easy to follow
Comment Written 19-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2019
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Thanks Gail I'm sort of glad the judges for the contest didn't agree. LOL Bob
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Hmmm - how did you discover that the judges didn't agree? There's a lot to fanstory that I don't understand - I'm not winning any contests right now - even tho at times I think mine could place. Oh well. That's not why I'm in fanstory.
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LOL I is an assumption on my part, Gail. If not enough judges thought this piece was good enough, or ("too much detail") I wouldn't have won....would I// : ) Bob
Comment from Liz O'Neill
You do a good job creating your different settings. The settings help create your characters which you always develop to be believable. It has a tongue-in-cheek humor which I delight in. You address a very important issue with your characters' interactions. you will draw the readers in taking sides. And some on the proverbial fence. Writing should invite the reader to think, access, and act. You've presented a good case. The last paragraph of the next to last part has tones of Twilight Zone. I read it with the Rod Serling inflections and voice. Good thing the candy was all given away already. Well written.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2019
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You do a good job creating your different settings. The settings help create your characters which you always develop to be believable. It has a tongue-in-cheek humor which I delight in. You address a very important issue with your characters' interactions. you will draw the readers in taking sides. And some on the proverbial fence. Writing should invite the reader to think, access, and act. You've presented a good case. The last paragraph of the next to last part has tones of Twilight Zone. I read it with the Rod Serling inflections and voice. Good thing the candy was all given away already. Well written.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2019
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Thank you Liz. I always appreciate your input/ comments. A wise reviewer. Bless you. Bob
Comment from nomi338
Assholes almost always get what is coming to them, sooner or later. I am not normally a vindictive person, but something I detest with a passion is a man, any man who abuses his family. Coley was a drunk and a bully who used his size and strength to mistreat his wife and stepson in a despicable way. In the end it resulted in his death and it does not appear that he was very much missed or mourned. Good story.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2019
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Assholes almost always get what is coming to them, sooner or later. I am not normally a vindictive person, but something I detest with a passion is a man, any man who abuses his family. Coley was a drunk and a bully who used his size and strength to mistreat his wife and stepson in a despicable way. In the end it resulted in his death and it does not appear that he was very much missed or mourned. Good story.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2019
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Thanks so much, my friend. I appreciate your comment, time and the extra star. I could not agree with you more, my friend. : ) Bob
