Hey You
A whisper to me19 total reviews
Comment from jl & bandit
I like the way to talk to your self in this one, its a positive reassuring look at what life will really become.
I think you did really well here covering all the bases !
Sorry I was too late for the vote,but you won so congrats!!!
JL&B
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2010
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I like the way to talk to your self in this one, its a positive reassuring look at what life will really become.
I think you did really well here covering all the bases !
Sorry I was too late for the vote,but you won so congrats!!!
JL&B
Comment Written 21-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2010
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I'd be lying if I said winning doesn't matter sometimes however, in this piece it means so much more to have your review and to know that you got it...thank you so much for that. xoxo Kiwi
Comment from adewpearl
Don't let mom and dad make you feel insignificant - Mom and Dad - since it is used as their proper names
Our time is close now, sweetie - add comma for direct address
This is a most thoughtful response to this prompt as you speak to the child you once were - all the advice you give is sensitive and wise. I found this most moving. Brooke
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Don't let mom and dad make you feel insignificant - Mom and Dad - since it is used as their proper names
Our time is close now, sweetie - add comma for direct address
This is a most thoughtful response to this prompt as you speak to the child you once were - all the advice you give is sensitive and wise. I found this most moving. Brooke
Comment Written 20-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Brooke thank you for this thoughtful review. I'm a poet not a writer so it's difficult to get anything out worth reading as is evidenced by a 3 rating lol...but hey sometimes it can be ok. thank you again for the wisdom and help in this review. You're awesome in my book ...xoxo
Comment from missy98writer
Mystery Writer,
your fiction story written entirely in first person is awesomely written. What a heart-rendering write. The narrator gives some sage advice about the pitfalls found in life. Wow, as I read I was taken aback by your excellent narrative voice. This line really hit me hard: "The one who will steal innocent will come from directions that you don't expect. Just when you are enjoying a hot summer day, the first one will come. It will be family and even thought you will not be physically hurt, you will not come away unscathed." You story will be getting my vote in the voting booth. I think this will win the writing prompt contest and I wish you good luck. Impressive writing.
Missy.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Mystery Writer,
your fiction story written entirely in first person is awesomely written. What a heart-rendering write. The narrator gives some sage advice about the pitfalls found in life. Wow, as I read I was taken aback by your excellent narrative voice. This line really hit me hard: "The one who will steal innocent will come from directions that you don't expect. Just when you are enjoying a hot summer day, the first one will come. It will be family and even thought you will not be physically hurt, you will not come away unscathed." You story will be getting my vote in the voting booth. I think this will win the writing prompt contest and I wish you good luck. Impressive writing.
Missy.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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You honor me with such a review Missy. I read your work regularly so this is particularly a good one for me. I aspire to write something worth reading...mainly I simply can't get anything in prose to work for me, but this one was personal and I think it came out that way...Now if I could only get the punctuation right...lol...thank you again so much...means more than I can express here. xoxo
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thanks for always entertaining me, you rock. . .xoxo.
Melissa.
Comment from Ankh
This is sad and deeply emotional. I was mesmerized with the story. The flow and rhythm faded away before the words. This speaks to me inside. Well written :-)~
Seth
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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This is sad and deeply emotional. I was mesmerized with the story. The flow and rhythm faded away before the words. This speaks to me inside. Well written :-)~
Seth
Comment Written 20-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Thank you for this review Seth. I can not believe that you gave it a 6 but am deeply moved by that. thank you. xoxo
Comment from Dom G Robles
The is is a very good advice to a child who will soon go out into this world on his/her own, (preferably for a girl who needs guidance all the way). The advice starts from the time of childhood until the very end when the child becomes mature. The food for thought given is so clear, neat, and clean that it makes you feel you are being the child being lectured. The author notes: "Life can never be that easy, but it can be!"
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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The is is a very good advice to a child who will soon go out into this world on his/her own, (preferably for a girl who needs guidance all the way). The advice starts from the time of childhood until the very end when the child becomes mature. The food for thought given is so clear, neat, and clean that it makes you feel you are being the child being lectured. The author notes: "Life can never be that easy, but it can be!"
Comment Written 20-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Thank you for reading and reviewing my work. I wish someone would have whispered a few truths to me when I was a child before I made a mess of some of my adult life...lol...thanks again xoxo
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Words of assurance came to late,but I'm glad you went rightly so along.
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You know what Dom, I wish I had all the stuff I wrote when I was younger. I remember some of it as being near on to brilliant...but isn't that what we all think when we are still cheeky and full of wonder...I'm not old but, certainly not young either so it's so great when something we write reaches out and nips someone's behind. Maybe it's how life is supposed to work...when my kids ask me about hard things, feel like I've got something to draw upon and maybe save them some agony, even if it is just a little bit...thanks again. xoxo
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Hi xoxo, I consider you a brilliant writer who truly writes well. Dom
Comment from BradJarvis
A very heartfelt message with lots of good advice. I hope the younger "you" can remember it all!
Found some technical issues:
[You see I'm you but, the older version when life is getting close to being the sunset years for us. You are me but, before we know anything so listen up sweetie; this is important.] -> [You see I'm you, but the older version, when life is getting close to being the sunset years for us. You are me, but before we know anything. So listen up, sweetie. This is important.]
[It will be nearly impossible to beat you down or take away your faith but, it wont' stop the pain or the disillusionment.] -> [It will be nearly impossible to beat you down or take away your faith, but it won't stop the pain or the disillusionment.]
[you will so listen carefully now!] -> [you will, so listen carefully now!]
Good luck!
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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A very heartfelt message with lots of good advice. I hope the younger "you" can remember it all!
Found some technical issues:
[You see I'm you but, the older version when life is getting close to being the sunset years for us. You are me but, before we know anything so listen up sweetie; this is important.] -> [You see I'm you, but the older version, when life is getting close to being the sunset years for us. You are me, but before we know anything. So listen up, sweetie. This is important.]
[It will be nearly impossible to beat you down or take away your faith but, it wont' stop the pain or the disillusionment.] -> [It will be nearly impossible to beat you down or take away your faith, but it won't stop the pain or the disillusionment.]
[you will so listen carefully now!] -> [you will, so listen carefully now!]
Good luck!
Comment Written 20-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Thank you Brad...I just about have a melt down when I think about punctuation...lol...this was extremely helpful thank you. xoxo
Comment from Begin Again
Writer,
Good advice for all of us...wouldn't it be wonderful if we truly could have insight into which roads to travel and which ones to navigate with care. Not telling us what will exactly happen just yield or warning signs now and then.
Smiles, CArol
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Writer,
Good advice for all of us...wouldn't it be wonderful if we truly could have insight into which roads to travel and which ones to navigate with care. Not telling us what will exactly happen just yield or warning signs now and then.
Smiles, CArol
Comment Written 20-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Thank you CArol for this beautiful review and for taking the time to read my work. Yes if only... xoxo
Comment from Robin Moynihan
A nice conversation with your little girl self. I like the way you use a sort of time machine view of going back to whisper to her. I love this picture, I used it in my poem Natural Beauty.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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A nice conversation with your little girl self. I like the way you use a sort of time machine view of going back to whisper to her. I love this picture, I used it in my poem Natural Beauty.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Thank you Robin for your generous view of my work. It's always a pleasure to see someone "get it" when I write something. Thanks again ...xoxo
Comment from InterestingRon
What an excellent entry for the contest! It hits every button. Particularly noteworthy is the delicate manner in which the warnings against sexual abuse are handled. I think this should be handed out to school children. The tone throughout is not that of a superior grownup - but of a special friend confiding secrets. A winner in more ways than one! Ron xx
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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What an excellent entry for the contest! It hits every button. Particularly noteworthy is the delicate manner in which the warnings against sexual abuse are handled. I think this should be handed out to school children. The tone throughout is not that of a superior grownup - but of a special friend confiding secrets. A winner in more ways than one! Ron xx
Comment Written 20-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your very positive and uplifting review. So appreciated. xoxo
Comment from patmedium
Veery nicely done, indeed. Good luck in the booths with this excellent piece. It's a lovely read without being over long. I have enjoyed. Pat.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Veery nicely done, indeed. Good luck in the booths with this excellent piece. It's a lovely read without being over long. I have enjoyed. Pat.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Thank you Pat for taking the time to read and review my work. Greatly appreciated! xoxo
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It was a pleasure, mystery penpusher.
