Listen, little girl
advice from an older you to the little child15 total reviews
Comment from BradJarvis
Very good, detailed advice, which I hope the younger "you" will remember. The imagery is excellent, and the tone very helpful.
Found the following technical issues, with recommended changes:
[Its warm in there] -> [It's warm in there]
[ know how it all turns out, well except for the end, but I'm far enough down the path at this point to be an expert witness, so I think I can wisely give you some advise.] -> [ know how it all turns out, well, except for the end. But I'm far enough down the path at this point to be an expert witness, so I think I can wisely give you some advice.]
[of the forest, you can always backtrack] -> [of the forest. You can always backtrack]
["Guffaws"] -> ["guffaws"]
[Hell of a waste] -> [hell of a waste]
Good luck in the contest!
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reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Very good, detailed advice, which I hope the younger "you" will remember. The imagery is excellent, and the tone very helpful.
Found the following technical issues, with recommended changes:
[Its warm in there] -> [It's warm in there]
[ know how it all turns out, well except for the end, but I'm far enough down the path at this point to be an expert witness, so I think I can wisely give you some advise.] -> [ know how it all turns out, well, except for the end. But I'm far enough down the path at this point to be an expert witness, so I think I can wisely give you some advice.]
[of the forest, you can always backtrack] -> [of the forest. You can always backtrack]
["Guffaws"] -> ["guffaws"]
[Hell of a waste] -> [hell of a waste]
Good luck in the contest!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Thanks for the spag advice. Appreciate your keen eye.
Comment from Begin Again
Writer,
Giving hope when we feel no hope exists..reminding us that the future can hold glorious things for us if we only have the strength to seek them out..get past the hardships and move forward. Great job!
Carol
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Writer,
Giving hope when we feel no hope exists..reminding us that the future can hold glorious things for us if we only have the strength to seek them out..get past the hardships and move forward. Great job!
Carol
Comment Written 20-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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Thank you for your review and words of understanding.
Comment from marcellawachtel
This letter from a woman to the child she once was is written with confidence in the strength of this child to survive and to survive triumphant. Listing the pitfalls to be avoided, anticipating the triumphs, all combing in making this letter a lovely tribute to h er inner strength.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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This letter from a woman to the child she once was is written with confidence in the strength of this child to survive and to survive triumphant. Listing the pitfalls to be avoided, anticipating the triumphs, all combing in making this letter a lovely tribute to h er inner strength.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2010
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thank you. Was sm interesting exercise,
Comment from BethShelby
This is great advice for that little kid who may be hungry and think life will always be that way. Wouldn't it have been nice if this had been possible when we were young. This is adventure into time travel. You did a excellent job with this prompt.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2010
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This is great advice for that little kid who may be hungry and think life will always be that way. Wouldn't it have been nice if this had been possible when we were young. This is adventure into time travel. You did a excellent job with this prompt.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2010
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That's very kind, Thanks.
Comment from Trybuck
Life is full of surprises, some good and those that aren't so good, but through it all you will survive because life is worth the living.
Well done, Buck
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2010
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Life is full of surprises, some good and those that aren't so good, but through it all you will survive because life is worth the living.
Well done, Buck
Comment Written 18-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2010
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Thank you
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing so sensitively about the little girl who didn't know life yet. i wish you the best of luck in the contest
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2010
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this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing so sensitively about the little girl who didn't know life yet. i wish you the best of luck in the contest
Comment Written 18-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2010
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Thank you so much!
Comment from kiwigirl2821
This is a good write. Well developed, realistic, believable advice...good flow from one area of thought to the next. Sentence structure varied. Great contender for contest. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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This is a good write. Well developed, realistic, believable advice...good flow from one area of thought to the next. Sentence structure varied. Great contender for contest. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 17-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Thanks so much!
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Author, you've given 'yourself' good advice of finding knowledge in books, enjoying yourself more, not drinking, and feeling beautiful as you are. The last paragraph is hilarious. Well written and interesting ...
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Hi, Author, you've given 'yourself' good advice of finding knowledge in books, enjoying yourself more, not drinking, and feeling beautiful as you are. The last paragraph is hilarious. Well written and interesting ...
Comment Written 17-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Thanks. So glad you enjoyed the read.
Comment from Seraphim Delphinium
Great writing! The only typo I saw was here:
All those "Guffaws" from the business men you will be entertaining are not same form of admiration.
["Same" should be "some"]
Loved the tone and tenor. Authentic voicing as well. Just great! And good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Great writing! The only typo I saw was here:
All those "Guffaws" from the business men you will be entertaining are not same form of admiration.
["Same" should be "some"]
Loved the tone and tenor. Authentic voicing as well. Just great! And good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 17-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Wow, thanks, it got past me.
Comment from sibhus
A very interesting piece of writing, that I am sure many little girls should hear at some point in their lives. Wonderful flow that makes it a very enjoyable read. Your descriptions bring the reader into the heart of your thoughts. Great piece and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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A very interesting piece of writing, that I am sure many little girls should hear at some point in their lives. Wonderful flow that makes it a very enjoyable read. Your descriptions bring the reader into the heart of your thoughts. Great piece and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2010
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Thanks so much
