Protection Detail
A short story of suspense and family ties19 total reviews
Comment from juliaSjames
I enjoyed this immensely. It is gripping and intriguing, making the reader desire to read more. I now have to read Out of the Shadows.
Some parts of the dialogue read a little stiff. But that may just be the way your characters talk.
Congratulations on your win.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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I enjoyed this immensely. It is gripping and intriguing, making the reader desire to read more. I now have to read Out of the Shadows.
Some parts of the dialogue read a little stiff. But that may just be the way your characters talk.
Congratulations on your win.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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Thank you for reading this. It is my first attempt and I need to learn how to make the dialogue more real. I am working on chapter 3 now. Thank you for your helpful observation and comments. -Judy
Comment from marcii
I thought this was a good stand alone story and making into a chapter of a book would be quite good as well.
If it was just a stand alone story I'd think that the murder looked to be the absent abusive father, getting revenge for the mother divorcing him.
I enjoyed this very much.
Good luck in the contest.
Marcii
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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I thought this was a good stand alone story and making into a chapter of a book would be quite good as well.
If it was just a stand alone story I'd think that the murder looked to be the absent abusive father, getting revenge for the mother divorcing him.
I enjoyed this very much.
Good luck in the contest.
Marcii
Comment Written 14-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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Thank you Marcii, your comments encourage me to move forward.
Comment from MumEsGirl
Great opening chapter for a book. Nice work on the characters and the dialogue flows easily.
I read a lot of crime fiction and this is up there with the best in my opinion. My supply of sixes ran out last night or else I would be giving you one
hugs
kate
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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Great opening chapter for a book. Nice work on the characters and the dialogue flows easily.
I read a lot of crime fiction and this is up there with the best in my opinion. My supply of sixes ran out last night or else I would be giving you one
hugs
kate
Comment Written 14-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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Thanks Kate. I am encouraged by your comments.
Comment from Torrence Winter
Very nice story. The characters were quite believable and interesting. I am looking forward to reading more of your work in the near future.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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Very nice story. The characters were quite believable and interesting. I am looking forward to reading more of your work in the near future.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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Thank you for the generous review and encouraging comments.
Comment from Readywriter52
This is an interesting start to a novel. I believed the contest called for a short story. It will be interesting to see who would want to harm Jim and his mother.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2010
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This is an interesting start to a novel. I believed the contest called for a short story. It will be interesting to see who would want to harm Jim and his mother.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2010
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Thanks for the review and your kind comments.
Comment from missy98writer
Mystery Writer,
your mystery and crime fiction story titled Protection Detail is very written and an enjoyable read. Your story paints a picture in the readers head. Excellent narrative, great characterization, good dialogue and very descriptive writing. You established a setting, conflict, and a resolution to your story. Emma is writing in her journal and her twin brother, Jim, asks her if she's filling up another book in her diary. She's upset about her mother being murdered. The authorities were baffled who murdered her. Oh Emma's is a female executive protection agent or bodyguard. Oh I didn't see the ending coming. Emma's twin brother unleashed the two faithful Rottweilers to kill his sister like he killed their mother. I can imagine Emma getting to her guns and blasting the dogs then her evil twin. I bet he did it for the money. You story is by far the best one I've read in this contest. Excellent read and I never suspected the ending. I wish you good luck in the voting booth.
Missy.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2010
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Mystery Writer,
your mystery and crime fiction story titled Protection Detail is very written and an enjoyable read. Your story paints a picture in the readers head. Excellent narrative, great characterization, good dialogue and very descriptive writing. You established a setting, conflict, and a resolution to your story. Emma is writing in her journal and her twin brother, Jim, asks her if she's filling up another book in her diary. She's upset about her mother being murdered. The authorities were baffled who murdered her. Oh Emma's is a female executive protection agent or bodyguard. Oh I didn't see the ending coming. Emma's twin brother unleashed the two faithful Rottweilers to kill his sister like he killed their mother. I can imagine Emma getting to her guns and blasting the dogs then her evil twin. I bet he did it for the money. You story is by far the best one I've read in this contest. Excellent read and I never suspected the ending. I wish you good luck in the voting booth.
Missy.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2010
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Missy, What a wonderful review and I am so pleased you read it so throughly. I had to go back and read to see how you came to the conclusion you did. While the ending, not yet told, is different from what you are assuming, I can see how you arrived there. That makes this even more exciting for this writer. I hope you have opportunity to read the next chapter and see where I might be going with this. Thank you so much for the generous review and the marvelous comments. You have my creative juices flowing again.
Comment from TexAnn
An excellent suspicious read. Good luck on the book, I think this as a first chapter is a grabber. Now I need to read the other one. Good Luck, TexAnn
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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An excellent suspicious read. Good luck on the book, I think this as a first chapter is a grabber. Now I need to read the other one. Good Luck, TexAnn
Comment Written 11-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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Thank you TexAnn. Your words are very encouraging to me and I am thrilled you liked this story.
Comment from Katiesherrill
Yeah I am so glad I can give you a six again. (I don't know why I am limited LOL) This deserves a six. You have changed it up so much from the last time I read it. Wow. I am very impressed. I want the next chapter now!!!! Who is in the backyard? Who killed her mom? Who is after her? Great suspence. If you don't win, then there is no hope left in the world! (ok that was a bit dramatic).
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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Yeah I am so glad I can give you a six again. (I don't know why I am limited LOL) This deserves a six. You have changed it up so much from the last time I read it. Wow. I am very impressed. I want the next chapter now!!!! Who is in the backyard? Who killed her mom? Who is after her? Great suspence. If you don't win, then there is no hope left in the world! (ok that was a bit dramatic).
Comment Written 11-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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OH, I am laughing out loud. This is such fun, while a lot of work, I never dreamed creating a story line could be an adventure. I am in awe of the six stars. Thank you.
Comment from Lastamen
You have the makings for an interesting story line. Good stories have intriguing dialogue, realistic situations, mounting drama/tension, conflict and ultimate resolution. You are on your way. Good start.
Till the last amen
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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You have the makings for an interesting story line. Good stories have intriguing dialogue, realistic situations, mounting drama/tension, conflict and ultimate resolution. You are on your way. Good start.
Till the last amen
Comment Written 11-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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Thank you for the encouraging review. I appreciate your time and comments.
Comment from daniela.albu
An excellent story in the contest. The fact that Emma is an executive protection agent offers enough reason for the attack and murder of her mother. However, it feels like the story is missing something and that impression may be given by the fact that this is just the first part of what is to become a whole book. Good luck.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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An excellent story in the contest. The fact that Emma is an executive protection agent offers enough reason for the attack and murder of her mother. However, it feels like the story is missing something and that impression may be given by the fact that this is just the first part of what is to become a whole book. Good luck.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2010
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You are so right. Thank you for reading and reviewing. This is really a fun journey and it is exciting to unfold a storyline line this.
