The Wishing Well
Superstition runs deep20 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading your short story. I am not into horror, but I did enjoy this one.
"READY OR NOT, HERE I COME!" He yelled the familiar refrain(lower case 'h' on he, it's a speech tag)
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2010
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I enjoyed reading your short story. I am not into horror, but I did enjoy this one.
"READY OR NOT, HERE I COME!" He yelled the familiar refrain(lower case 'h' on he, it's a speech tag)
Comment Written 15-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2010
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Hi Barbara! Thank you for this wonderful review. Especially since you don't enjoy scary stuff. I will change the h too! Thanks! It's great to hear from you, I will catch up reading for you too, asap!! Love and a big hug! I hope you are feeling okay Barb! Susan
Comment from Fireshadow
Susan, this is an outstanding entry for the Horror Story writing contest and I'm sure it will be a strong contender in the competition. Absolutely great descriptions and characterizations. It flowed and read smoothly - found no spag errors. I'm so proud of you for this wonderful writing. I wish I had six stars left to award. Good luck in the contest, my friend.
Ama
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2010
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Susan, this is an outstanding entry for the Horror Story writing contest and I'm sure it will be a strong contender in the competition. Absolutely great descriptions and characterizations. It flowed and read smoothly - found no spag errors. I'm so proud of you for this wonderful writing. I wish I had six stars left to award. Good luck in the contest, my friend.
Ama
Comment Written 15-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2010
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Hi Ama!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Wow. I am thrilled that you enjoyed this, I did work hard on this one! ") I am always so happy to hear your thoughts! I hope it gave you some creeps? HUGS and a big smile for you!! Luv, Susan
Comment from adewpearl
Abbey was laying on her back - lying
but it's dumb, ain't it, Abbey - add comma before Abbey for direct address
The great bird carried it's meal to it's lair - drop the apostrophes
A squirrel lay in it's nest - drop the apostrophe
Susan, the ending of this story has sent chills up and down my spine - how eerie. And what a sense of foreboding and suspense leads up to the ending as the reader just knows something is bound to happen after Abbey hears that owl in the daytime. Excellent dialogue, good descriptive detail, perfect pacing. Brooke
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2010
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Abbey was laying on her back - lying
but it's dumb, ain't it, Abbey - add comma before Abbey for direct address
The great bird carried it's meal to it's lair - drop the apostrophes
A squirrel lay in it's nest - drop the apostrophe
Susan, the ending of this story has sent chills up and down my spine - how eerie. And what a sense of foreboding and suspense leads up to the ending as the reader just knows something is bound to happen after Abbey hears that owl in the daytime. Excellent dialogue, good descriptive detail, perfect pacing. Brooke
Comment Written 15-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2010
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Hi Brooke! THank you SO much!! I will fix these immedidately, and I am just thrilled that this gave you the creeps! I accomplished the goal then? What a great review, I really appreciate this Brooke!! Thank you for your time to read this and the kind help, as always! ") HUG!! Susan
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Susan. How are you? You have a wonderfully scary story here.
"The quickly moving water below made her dizzy if she stared at it long enough, but the bark of the fallen tree she sat"
"as the very woods themselves." (leave out very)
"The unexpected sound made her blood run cold and the hair on her neck stand up." (Excellent descriptions ...unfortunately both cliches and we should always avoid them...right?)
"Abigail sat alone with her thoughts, her small bare feet swinging slowly just above the swollen creek. (Perhaps it would help if we had an age with this line...there are small girls and then there are small girls...know what I mean. And what does she look like?)
""READY OR NOT, HERE I COME!" (I realize what you are trying to do here, but anytime you bold-face or cap things they have the opposite effect on the overall writing, I believe)
Great story overall...I wish you luck in the contest. I entered this five years ago...It was called "The Dare" (In my portfolio....LOL..Bob
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2010
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Hi, Susan. How are you? You have a wonderfully scary story here.
"The quickly moving water below made her dizzy if she stared at it long enough, but the bark of the fallen tree she sat"
"as the very woods themselves." (leave out very)
"The unexpected sound made her blood run cold and the hair on her neck stand up." (Excellent descriptions ...unfortunately both cliches and we should always avoid them...right?)
"Abigail sat alone with her thoughts, her small bare feet swinging slowly just above the swollen creek. (Perhaps it would help if we had an age with this line...there are small girls and then there are small girls...know what I mean. And what does she look like?)
""READY OR NOT, HERE I COME!" (I realize what you are trying to do here, but anytime you bold-face or cap things they have the opposite effect on the overall writing, I believe)
Great story overall...I wish you luck in the contest. I entered this five years ago...It was called "The Dare" (In my portfolio....LOL..Bob
Comment Written 15-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2010
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Hi Bob! Thank you!! I will amend this now! Thank you, for helping me like this!! I jotted these down, and I will find your story too and read it today! I sure hope I didn't "copy" something?? Gee. AND thanks for the lovely inspiration video you sent me. It is beautiful...Hug!! Susan
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Oh, what a horrific story, Susan -
to lose both children in such
a vile way - well written, my friend.
knowing[,] as the
but it's dumb(,) ain't it(,) Abbey? Grandpa was foolin'(,) wasn't he?"
Sittin' over the crick ? Creek
meal to it's lair.
........its lair
lay in it's nest
.......its nest
Margaret
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2010
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Oh, what a horrific story, Susan -
to lose both children in such
a vile way - well written, my friend.
knowing[,] as the
but it's dumb(,) ain't it(,) Abbey? Grandpa was foolin'(,) wasn't he?"
Sittin' over the crick ? Creek
meal to it's lair.
........its lair
lay in it's nest
.......its nest
Margaret
Comment Written 14-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2010
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Hi Margaret! Thank you!! I will fix these today! I WISH to Heaven I could get my commas and apostrophes right for once! Ahhhhh!! I keep trying! Thank you for reading this long story Margaret! I really do appreciate your time like this! ") HUGS!! Keep warm! Fall is here ") Susan
Comment from Daylok
This is great!! Flow is good and read well too! The characters are wonder and stood out great!- Well done and Goodluck in the contest!!-Daylok
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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This is great!! Flow is good and read well too! The characters are wonder and stood out great!- Well done and Goodluck in the contest!!-Daylok
Comment Written 13-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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Hi Day! Thank you VERY much for reading this! I am really really thrilled you liked this effort. What a great and enthusiastic review!! Thank you!! ") Susan
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You are very welcome!
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
I enjoyed reading this it has imagery description and needs no edit. You described your characters well and the you tell your story with feeling and expression. I held my interesting to the end. Thanks for sharing with me.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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I enjoyed reading this it has imagery description and needs no edit. You described your characters well and the you tell your story with feeling and expression. I held my interesting to the end. Thanks for sharing with me.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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HI Mary! Thank you for taking time to read this one! I really appreciate it. I heard an owl one morning, at 8 am, an hour after the sun came up...so, I sort of have the creeps for real now! ") Kind of odd. I am always happy to know your opinion Mary! Susan
Comment from missy98writer
Susan,
your horror story titled The Wishing Well is very written and scary read. Your story paints a vivid picture in the readers head. Excellent narrative, great dialogue and very descriptive writing. You established a setting, conflict, and a resolution to your story. The art work is prefect. Abby is startled by an owls hooting in the daytime. Both Abby and Jackie were taken to never be seen again. How creepy. Your horror story is an excellent entry in the contest. I wish you good luck in the contest.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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Susan,
your horror story titled The Wishing Well is very written and scary read. Your story paints a vivid picture in the readers head. Excellent narrative, great dialogue and very descriptive writing. You established a setting, conflict, and a resolution to your story. The art work is prefect. Abby is startled by an owls hooting in the daytime. Both Abby and Jackie were taken to never be seen again. How creepy. Your horror story is an excellent entry in the contest. I wish you good luck in the contest.
Melissa.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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Hi Melissa! Thank you very much!! This detailed and enthusiastic review are very helpful my friend. I so appreciate, because I really worked on this one! Bless your heart. Thank you !!! HUGS! Susan
Comment from anne1204
Very well done scary story. The unseen is always scarier than the real thing. Great description of the settings and characters. Story progressed along logically and reached a very scary conclusion. I enjoyed reading this very much. Anne 1204
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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Very well done scary story. The unseen is always scarier than the real thing. Great description of the settings and characters. Story progressed along logically and reached a very scary conclusion. I enjoyed reading this very much. Anne 1204
Comment Written 13-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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Oh a big hug for you Anne! I worked hard on this, and so again, your enthusiasm really makes my day! You are a great fan...and to know you enjoyed this creepy tale really makes the work worthwhile! ") Susan
Comment from Judy Swanson
Susan, what a shivering story! Your descriptions of the children, how they play together, their dialog - all so realistic. I can sense Abbey's dread; her belief in the legend. The fear that both Abbey and Jackie felt, for different reasons, brought back fearful childhood memories of times with my brother. When that happens, you know a piece of writing touches someone's core.
I did not expect both children to be taken, so that was a well written twist to the story. The ending, too, was full and rich. The owl still there, and this short paragraph that spoke volumes and heightened the horror.
"Silence befell the orchard, even the katy-did stilled her calls. Almost as a final serenade, an acorn fell to the dry ground, a small sound, almost an acknowledgement of life and death. And a squirrel lay in it's nest, curled tight, listening, knowing and huddled against the dark."
It was as if the entire earth was waiting, waiting, waiting, and knowing, knowing, knowing. And waiting for a mother's grief to take its toll.
Very well told. Good luck in the contest.
Judy
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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Susan, what a shivering story! Your descriptions of the children, how they play together, their dialog - all so realistic. I can sense Abbey's dread; her belief in the legend. The fear that both Abbey and Jackie felt, for different reasons, brought back fearful childhood memories of times with my brother. When that happens, you know a piece of writing touches someone's core.
I did not expect both children to be taken, so that was a well written twist to the story. The ending, too, was full and rich. The owl still there, and this short paragraph that spoke volumes and heightened the horror.
"Silence befell the orchard, even the katy-did stilled her calls. Almost as a final serenade, an acorn fell to the dry ground, a small sound, almost an acknowledgement of life and death. And a squirrel lay in it's nest, curled tight, listening, knowing and huddled against the dark."
It was as if the entire earth was waiting, waiting, waiting, and knowing, knowing, knowing. And waiting for a mother's grief to take its toll.
Very well told. Good luck in the contest.
Judy
Comment Written 13-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2010
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") HI Judy!! Another wonderful and helpful review...thank you very much!! What a joy, knowing you like this one! I hope you will share some of the things you and your brother did as kids, it would be so neat! I look forward to it! ") Thank you again and again Judy!! luv, Susan
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Susan, you are so welcome! I love your writing. Judy
