Mustang Heaven
the last ride ... practice micro flash22 total reviews
Comment from Trybuck
I'll have to let the experts help you with the technical stuff. I sincerely hope this person had a change of heart before it was too late as I hate tragic endings.
Well done, Buck
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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I'll have to let the experts help you with the technical stuff. I sincerely hope this person had a change of heart before it was too late as I hate tragic endings.
Well done, Buck
Comment Written 22-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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Hi Buck, thank you! You were kind enough to go ahead and review even tho you don't like sad endings. I really do appreciate this. The rider could have?? Changed their mind tho. Just a story, and it does happen. I am very glad to hear from you Buck!! Susan
Comment from Kentucky Sweet Pea
My tears, hot and burning down my cheeks, only serve to make me feel weak; it is strength that I need now.
Stay, Susan. Just stay.
Love you,
Pen
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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My tears, hot and burning down my cheeks, only serve to make me feel weak; it is strength that I need now.
Stay, Susan. Just stay.
Love you,
Pen
Comment Written 22-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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Hi Penny...These thoughts are just that, dear friend. For now. We all have a breaking point tho. For now, I will not give certain "people" that kind of satisfaction. Evil reigns all around me, and I intend to fight them. My family and I have done nothing, except ask to be left alone. You know some of it. Just so insane. I am getting "tired" and "worn" tho. Bless your heart, it's a big one. Love you too. Suse
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I promise, I'll be good??? ;)
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Love you Pea, you must live your life. I emphasize LIVE. I am dead already, just a walking shell of a human, you never must answer to me Penny. This world is so screwed up, the good die young and the innocent are persecuted. Literally. And the great God Almighty U.S. of A. government is most of the problem. Down to the dirty little cops. God bless and keep you Pen. LOVE, Susan
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
Thanks for sharing this with me, your story is interning and well written. It has imagery and it kept my interest right to the end. I enjoyed reading it,I see no need for edit. Mary
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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Thanks for sharing this with me, your story is interning and well written. It has imagery and it kept my interest right to the end. I enjoyed reading it,I see no need for edit. Mary
Comment Written 22-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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hi Mary! Thank you. Just another practice. I do so much, appreciate you reading and reviewing for me!! ") Susan
Comment from Carrie Smith
Susan! This is well written, descriptive and heartbreaking! Can't tell you about the apostrophes - don't know enough myself. Take. LOL...Susan
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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Susan! This is well written, descriptive and heartbreaking! Can't tell you about the apostrophes - don't know enough myself. Take. LOL...Susan
Comment Written 21-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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Hi Susan! Thank you so much! I was just day-dreaming. Sure is good to see your name here! ") HUGS! Susan
Comment from Fireshadow
Susan, excellent micro flash - you don't need to practice, my friend ! You have it down pat ! LOL The apostrophes are fine. My only suggestion is to remove the comma here since it's superfluous :
this Western sky ... there is no one
Good going, my friend.
Ama
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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Susan, excellent micro flash - you don't need to practice, my friend ! You have it down pat ! LOL The apostrophes are fine. My only suggestion is to remove the comma here since it's superfluous :
this Western sky ... there is no one
Good going, my friend.
Ama
Comment Written 21-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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Hi there Amaryllis! Thank you, I will remove the comma! Thanks. I just never know. I sure am happy you liked this. Just an odd thought. ! ") Hope you are doing well!! ") Luv, Susan
Comment from misscookie
I love the artwork it lovely.
This story truly shocked me. It shocked me to the point I got chills.
You total surprise me with this one. Stories like this I don't care for, but that's Life ...I Mean death. From what I read I think you will do well in this type of writing keep it up you don't know till you tried it.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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I love the artwork it lovely.
This story truly shocked me. It shocked me to the point I got chills.
You total surprise me with this one. Stories like this I don't care for, but that's Life ...I Mean death. From what I read I think you will do well in this type of writing keep it up you don't know till you tried it.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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Hi Cookie, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. But remember I said I might be shocking? ") Never take anything I write too seriously? And I appreciate your reading this anyway, Cookie. I tried to leave the ending open, so the reader could sort of decide? I am dark at times. SO sorry, once in a while it just comes out!! ") Thank you again...Luv, Susan
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Never be sorry for what you write. and I got over it as quick as isaw it. Look I'm sure there are things I wrote or will be writing will shock you too. (smile)
It's called great mind at work it could be our best seller!. take care.
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") You are so right Cookie!! Thank you again, I love having your opinions! ") Luv, Susan
Comment from Alan K Pease
This a good passage but needs work. You should drop "There is nothing here to hurt my horse. You might say " I took her saddle and bridle off for she is a mustang and can find her way to the wild herds" I don't have a choice anymore. I can end my suffering with my .38 special"- That is a hard ending for there is always something else to be considered - family - (( and now I am (musing what I might write, but that is your job.))
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2010
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This a good passage but needs work. You should drop "There is nothing here to hurt my horse. You might say " I took her saddle and bridle off for she is a mustang and can find her way to the wild herds" I don't have a choice anymore. I can end my suffering with my .38 special"- That is a hard ending for there is always something else to be considered - family - (( and now I am (musing what I might write, but that is your job.))
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This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2010
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I am told ratings are supposed to be judged by technical merit? If this is a "good passage" why not at least a four? Your review seems based on subject rather than content? But thanks anyway. Susan
Comment from marcellawachtel
Possibly I should not have reviewed this piece, although I immediately liked it. I know nothing about flash fiction, and my feeling when I read this was: "and then what happened?" So for what this review is worth: Your writing is good and convincing and it flows smoothly. I don't like the cliffhanger aspect of it, and it seems incomplete to me.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2010
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Possibly I should not have reviewed this piece, although I immediately liked it. I know nothing about flash fiction, and my feeling when I read this was: "and then what happened?" So for what this review is worth: Your writing is good and convincing and it flows smoothly. I don't like the cliffhanger aspect of it, and it seems incomplete to me.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2010
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I know what you mean, but this is how they say to do it? I wanted the reader to wonder, did she, or not? I don't know, I do appreciate this review...your thoughts are helpful! ") Thank you again Marcella. Susan
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maybe if you gave the reader an idea of why she was so unhappy, or angry, or anything. that was pushing her to this step Just a thought- msybr you could find a piecve you admire and ask the author to give you some pointers. good luck, Marcella
Comment from miss joyce
Being familiar with horses and horse people out west gives me, I think an insight as why you wrote this as you did. Horse people are what they are because they share the love of wind and the free spirit that reigns within the Mustang. Lovely and very well written. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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Being familiar with horses and horse people out west gives me, I think an insight as why you wrote this as you did. Horse people are what they are because they share the love of wind and the free spirit that reigns within the Mustang. Lovely and very well written. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 21-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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HI Joyce! Thank you! It's nice to "meet" another horse lover? I do wish I could ride out west where it is a little more open. In Indiana it's "cloistered", for lack of a better term? Just too crowded. Thank YOU, for this wonderful review Joyce! Susan
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I appreciate that you shared it with us. Hope to have the opportunity to read more of your writes. Have a blessed day!
Comment from adewpearl
my life's trials and tribulations - add apostrophe for possessive
hot and burning down my cheeks, - add the comma
beneath this Western sky - add W
This is power-packed with intense emotion, Susan - you get inside the narrator's troubled thoughts most effectively as she/he sets the mustang free and prepares to commit suicide.
Wonderful descriptive detail, also. Brooke
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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my life's trials and tribulations - add apostrophe for possessive
hot and burning down my cheeks, - add the comma
beneath this Western sky - add W
This is power-packed with intense emotion, Susan - you get inside the narrator's troubled thoughts most effectively as she/he sets the mustang free and prepares to commit suicide.
Wonderful descriptive detail, also. Brooke
Comment Written 21-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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Hi Brooke! Thank you! I did fix these, thank you again! Maybe if had been my teacher in let's say, jr. high, I would KNOW all this now! lol. ") Thank you my friend! Susan
