Mustang Heaven
the last ride ... practice micro flash22 total reviews
Comment from missy98writer
Susan,
your micro fiction story is very written and an enjoyable read. Your story paints a picture in the readers head. Excellent narrative and very descriptive writing. In a minimum amount of words for a maximum effect you established a setting, conflict, and your even managed to have a resolution to your story which is dire. How sad the narrator is committing suicide. What an intensely emotional read in an economy of words. I wish I had a six for your outstanding micro fiction. Gorgeous art work you used. Thanks for sharing your western micro fiction story. Your writing is technically excellent.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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Susan,
your micro fiction story is very written and an enjoyable read. Your story paints a picture in the readers head. Excellent narrative and very descriptive writing. In a minimum amount of words for a maximum effect you established a setting, conflict, and your even managed to have a resolution to your story which is dire. How sad the narrator is committing suicide. What an intensely emotional read in an economy of words. I wish I had a six for your outstanding micro fiction. Gorgeous art work you used. Thanks for sharing your western micro fiction story. Your writing is technically excellent.
Melissa.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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Hi Melissa! Thank you!! What an encouraging review! It sure helps me cope to "write it out" as they say. what a review. Words likd "intensely emotional" help me know I am conveying what I feel. Bless you Melissa. HUGS! Susan
Comment from Daylok
I am no one to be commenting on Grammer. I do like this work. It read easy and flowed good. I thought the lead was good enough cause when the horses bridle came off I thought briefly someones going to die or is dead. I just didn't know who or how. I am reading a good book and it says "keep writing"!! GReat job Suesan!!-Daylok
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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I am no one to be commenting on Grammer. I do like this work. It read easy and flowed good. I thought the lead was good enough cause when the horses bridle came off I thought briefly someones going to die or is dead. I just didn't know who or how. I am reading a good book and it says "keep writing"!! GReat job Suesan!!-Daylok
Comment Written 23-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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Hi Day!! Thank you VERY much. I love your enthusiasm for this! I am so happy to have you as a fan Day...HUGS to you! Susan
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You are very welcome!!
Comment from BarnCat
Didn't expect THAT ending! Great piece of flash fiction that shows depth and despair. But please don;t let your horse go feral -- the BLM will round her up . . .sorry, I'mgetting carried away again. Excellent pice, Suze.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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Didn't expect THAT ending! Great piece of flash fiction that shows depth and despair. But please don;t let your horse go feral -- the BLM will round her up . . .sorry, I'mgetting carried away again. Excellent pice, Suze.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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") I know, it's a fantasy? We had people in Brown County state park letting their horses go, so the people who would come to ride would find them and take them home. I'm glad I didn't/don't have a trailer, I would have too many right now. Thank you Deb, I love your reaction! ") That's the whole idea! Wow. I appreciate it! Love, susan
Comment from E.P. Thomas
Susan,
Given a little tightening and better definition, I think this wd make an outstanding micro. Let me explain what I mean by tightening.
Through the narrator's thoughts and actions, such as removing the horse's gear, you need to lead the reader to believe the horse is injured. At the same time, play down the narrator's distress. Work it so that the narrator's reflections about the horse actually reflect her current situation. Show the character drawing the pistol at the beginning of the story, cocking it in the middle, and then placing it to her head at the end. Draws out the drama and it's better than listening to a meandering pre-suicide.
If you chose third person, you cd actually have the character pull the trigger, and with enough preceding anbiguity, the reader cd be left wondering who the narrator shot: an injured horse or herself.
I liked it. Ya done good, cowgirl. Wish I had written this one too.
g
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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Susan,
Given a little tightening and better definition, I think this wd make an outstanding micro. Let me explain what I mean by tightening.
Through the narrator's thoughts and actions, such as removing the horse's gear, you need to lead the reader to believe the horse is injured. At the same time, play down the narrator's distress. Work it so that the narrator's reflections about the horse actually reflect her current situation. Show the character drawing the pistol at the beginning of the story, cocking it in the middle, and then placing it to her head at the end. Draws out the drama and it's better than listening to a meandering pre-suicide.
If you chose third person, you cd actually have the character pull the trigger, and with enough preceding anbiguity, the reader cd be left wondering who the narrator shot: an injured horse or herself.
I liked it. Ya done good, cowgirl. Wish I had written this one too.
g
Comment Written 23-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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well, I will try? See? I am such an amateur. I will jot these thoughts down and work at it tomorrow? It's great to hear from you, your reviews always give me hope! ") Sure wish I were a cowgirl. I may move out west soon, if this house sells. IF, a mighty big IF. Thank you G!! ") Susan
Comment from Ted T
Hi Susan :)
I expected a verse about a passing horse not a person committing suicide. No matter how you slice it, taking one's life is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
I don't know if the piece is flash fiction or not, but I'm glad it was a short read.
Ted
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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Hi Susan :)
I expected a verse about a passing horse not a person committing suicide. No matter how you slice it, taking one's life is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
I don't know if the piece is flash fiction or not, but I'm glad it was a short read.
Ted
Comment Written 22-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2010
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Hi Ted!! I am sorry. I will try to warn the next time I write something this depressing? But I still appreciate your review. It's wonderful to hear your thoughts!! Always. Susan
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Yes, please do.
Ted
Comment from Kathryn Varuzza
Susan,
I liked it. But, I don't know much about writing flash fiction myself, though I do try it sometimes because I want to be able to write prose as well as poetry.
I thought this story was powerful and moving.
It was entertaining as well even though it is sad in the end. And it is interesting.
You made me care about your character. That's good.
So, I think you did good.
Katie
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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Susan,
I liked it. But, I don't know much about writing flash fiction myself, though I do try it sometimes because I want to be able to write prose as well as poetry.
I thought this story was powerful and moving.
It was entertaining as well even though it is sad in the end. And it is interesting.
You made me care about your character. That's good.
So, I think you did good.
Katie
Comment Written 22-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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") Thank you Katie! You can do this too, IF I can, anyone can. Just remember for flash, take a moment, first, the character, then their conflict, resolution and twist? at the end. I love it! Just try one, you have a wealth of experieces Katie, we all do, just pick one out? ") Love, Susan
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Susan, you're welcome. Actually I reserved a spot in a contest that the deadline is coming up soon, 500 to 800 words.. shall be interesting. Thanks for the encouragement.
love,
katie
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Oh good! I will look forward to it Katie! Susan
Comment from Shirley McLain
You did a very good job, your character was convincing. Your descriptions of the surroundings brought pictures to my minds eye. I can't say i liked the ending but it isn't my story.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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You did a very good job, your character was convincing. Your descriptions of the surroundings brought pictures to my minds eye. I can't say i liked the ending but it isn't my story.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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hi there! Thank you Texasgal, for this review!! I do appreciate that you rated it anyway, even tho you didn't like the end! The rider may have backed out? Lol, it's just a story, thank you so much!! Good to hear from you! ") Susan
Comment from bowls
Beautiful description! I like the idea of not knowing just what it is that has the narrator so upset. Obviously, it has to be serious. You start, right from the first paragraph, letting the reader know there's a problem, and then develop that idea, along with the description of the amazing scene. I think you were wise to do that and not focus solely on the thoughts of suicide. There's always a glimmer of hope in the reader's mind...maybe it won't happen after all. The apostrophes look fine to me! Well done!
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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Beautiful description! I like the idea of not knowing just what it is that has the narrator so upset. Obviously, it has to be serious. You start, right from the first paragraph, letting the reader know there's a problem, and then develop that idea, along with the description of the amazing scene. I think you were wise to do that and not focus solely on the thoughts of suicide. There's always a glimmer of hope in the reader's mind...maybe it won't happen after all. The apostrophes look fine to me! Well done!
Comment Written 22-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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hi Fausto! Thank you very much. I really appreciate this detailed review. Your opinion is very helpful! This is how we are SUPPOSED to review! ") Susan
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
What a sad, emotional piece
of fiction, Susan - with
great imagery - the end took
me by surprise.
This is so well written.
Margaret.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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What a sad, emotional piece
of fiction, Susan - with
great imagery - the end took
me by surprise.
This is so well written.
Margaret.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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Hi Margaret! Thank you! I am back in a sad mood, I will try to get out of it. I so appreciate your time, and rating even tho the sad ending? Happy smiles to you and yours! ") Susan
Comment from daniela.albu
Very good practicing of micro flash. The parallel between the mustang mare that will find the herds and the restless soul that decided to liberate through suicide is great not only in terms of writing technique but also in terms of enhancing the meaning and feelings of this last ride. It leaves the reader with the thought that there are so many different ways to freedom, be them right or wrong.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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Very good practicing of micro flash. The parallel between the mustang mare that will find the herds and the restless soul that decided to liberate through suicide is great not only in terms of writing technique but also in terms of enhancing the meaning and feelings of this last ride. It leaves the reader with the thought that there are so many different ways to freedom, be them right or wrong.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2010
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Hi Daniela! Thank you!!! YOU really got this! ") I am out of votes for reviewers, or would give you mine. Thank you so much. I can see you really read this. I appreciate that with all my heart. ") Susan
