not necessarily narcissistic
The heart has reasons of which reason has no knowledge23 total reviews
Comment from modestreject22
Strong poem you got here. Love the use of syntax in this poem and the formulation of your stanzas was quite effective. Thank you for sharing this delightful poem!
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2013
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Strong poem you got here. Love the use of syntax in this poem and the formulation of your stanzas was quite effective. Thank you for sharing this delightful poem!
Comment Written 10-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2013
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Thankyou for your encouraging and positive feedback. This is one of my favourite poems (of mine) and it is such a buzz to receive such a favourable review for it. Regards, Jan
Comment from Kiki12
I think you captured narcissus nicely, and with a melancholy twist at the end. I have to say, the structure of your verse is intriguing, i haven't read many that use the spacing in this way, and I like it. Also, nice use of slant rhymes and alliteration, etc, the poem reads beautifully. It's a great contrast, as well, of the obsessive, self-absorbed narcissus and the content, altruistic observer. i really enjoyed this poem
xx
Kiki
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2013
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I think you captured narcissus nicely, and with a melancholy twist at the end. I have to say, the structure of your verse is intriguing, i haven't read many that use the spacing in this way, and I like it. Also, nice use of slant rhymes and alliteration, etc, the poem reads beautifully. It's a great contrast, as well, of the obsessive, self-absorbed narcissus and the content, altruistic observer. i really enjoyed this poem
xx
Kiki
Comment Written 09-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2013
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Thankyou for both the detailed review and taking the time to have a look in my portfolio, it is much appreciated. I have been away for so long (from FS) and I forgot what a thrill it is to see that blue message that lets you know there's a review waiting! Thanks again, I'm glad you liked my poem, It's oneof my favourites. REgards, Jan x
Comment from ravenblack
Really like your format choices on this one. Punctuation is not necessary if you know what you are doing ( and you do). Really like the double spacing, suggesting an echo or rippling out as if it narcissus addressing himself. You illustrate his psyche well. Excellent work.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2013
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Really like your format choices on this one. Punctuation is not necessary if you know what you are doing ( and you do). Really like the double spacing, suggesting an echo or rippling out as if it narcissus addressing himself. You illustrate his psyche well. Excellent work.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2013
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Thankyou ravenblack, this is my favourite poem (of mine). I enjoyed the research involved and finding a little known theory on what the poor boy was doing, sitting staring at that pond! Thanks for the great review. Regards Jan
Comment from adewpearl
excellent use of alliteration in your opening stanza
effective use of enjambment to keep thoughts flowing from line to line
good use of questions to engage the reader
good alliteration and simile in fragile as a flower
a thoughtful poem of love and longing
Brooke
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2013
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excellent use of alliteration in your opening stanza
effective use of enjambment to keep thoughts flowing from line to line
good use of questions to engage the reader
good alliteration and simile in fragile as a flower
a thoughtful poem of love and longing
Brooke
Comment Written 08-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2013
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Thank you Brooke for doing a profile-peek at me! :) I really appreciate your comments as this is my favourite poem. I enjoyed the research for it and was so pleased with myself that I'd found another slant on what was going on with poor old narcissis! :) I had an amazing picture to go with it but it seems to have disapeared, perhaps the artist has left FanArt. Thanks again for your review. Regards, Jan
Comment from patmedium
I suspect the lovely goose has polaroid eye lenses and can see through the reflection, anyway, while looking for larvae to snack on! LOL.
This is a very nice poem and I have enjoyed the read. Thank you for sharing it with us. Pat.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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I suspect the lovely goose has polaroid eye lenses and can see through the reflection, anyway, while looking for larvae to snack on! LOL.
This is a very nice poem and I have enjoyed the read. Thank you for sharing it with us. Pat.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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Ha ha, thanks Pat, there were only three photos that actually came up under Narcissus in Fanart and the other two were of the flower! I had a fantastic photo to go with my poetry class assignment but couldn't transfer it to here. :( Thanks for your humurous review, I enjoyed it too. Regards, Jan
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Next time, google for free to download 400x500 images. 'save' to your computer, give a short name like '1' (find several, just incase something uploads fuzzy). xx
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Thanks for the tip. :)
Comment from words
A lovely whimsical write.
Such a delightful ending:the answers don't matter
I'm content to just observe
you being in love so
hopelessly
imagining scenarios with
the object of your desire
and pretending she is
me
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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A lovely whimsical write.
Such a delightful ending:the answers don't matter
I'm content to just observe
you being in love so
hopelessly
imagining scenarios with
the object of your desire
and pretending she is
me
Comment Written 14-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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Thankyou.
Comment from LadyWave
I really enjoyed this poem and I also really enjoyed the information about Narcissus in the author notes! It's been so long since I've studied mythology so this was a nice refresher :) Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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I really enjoyed this poem and I also really enjoyed the information about Narcissus in the author notes! It's been so long since I've studied mythology so this was a nice refresher :) Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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Thanks for the positive comments, they're much appreciated.
Comment from dave d yes its me
excellent poetry which flowed well and was well written and written up in authors notes, where a good outline to the story and characters were given.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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excellent poetry which flowed well and was well written and written up in authors notes, where a good outline to the story and characters were given.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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Thank you Dave, I'm glad you enjoyed my take on the old myth. Even my poetry teacher hadn't heard of that option (him being in love with his twin and pining for her)and I thought it was a nice twist. Regards, Jan
Comment from kovarou
only one part should be changed the part where you state it is hopeless then say that you wish it where you doesnt make sense changing it from hopeless to forcefully, intimately just a suggestion, if you change that i think it would suit much better but a sad and flowing poem thanks for writting =]
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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only one part should be changed the part where you state it is hopeless then say that you wish it where you doesnt make sense changing it from hopeless to forcefully, intimately just a suggestion, if you change that i think it would suit much better but a sad and flowing poem thanks for writting =]
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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kovarou, thanks for taking the time to review this piece.
the answers donā??t matter
Iā??m content to just observe
you being in love so
hopelessly - this means that I don't care who or what he is in love with
imagining scenarios with
the object of your desire
and pretending she is - and this means I like to day dream about it being me that he is pining for and imagining what I'd get up to with him - which of course will only be a day dream because he is only a myth and supposedly died thousands of years ago, which is why and how the myth was born.
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ohhhh i get it, wow thats kinda confuzzling lol but i think i get what ya saying =]
Comment from Irene D. Garces
Now, I'ved learned a myth that I did not know before...Yes, the answer really doesn't matter for things that we expected and hoped for but never comes in reality...
I liked this...but, honestly without your notes, i found it difficult to understand..
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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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Now, I'ved learned a myth that I did not know before...Yes, the answer really doesn't matter for things that we expected and hoped for but never comes in reality...
I liked this...but, honestly without your notes, i found it difficult to understand..
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2010
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I have learned so much whilst on this site and even more since I joined a poetry class; the main thing being that there are many ways to write a poem and so many styles, including your own personal one to write them in. The author notes were only for those who may not know, or who have forgotten the story of Narcissus and I was articulating the story and the major players in it, in each line of the poem. Regards, Jan
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Hello Jan,
I am from the Philippines and I am not aware of the myth re: Narcissus. now, I have an idea about it.. Thank you.
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You're welcome. :) You will find that many poets, will write background notes to their poems, the help clarify what it means. On this site, it is a bonus that you not only learn about styles and different genres of poems, but are also quite often give the opportunity to learn things you didn't know. One of the reasons it is such a good site. I hope you get as much enjoyment out of Fanstory as I have. Regards, Jan
