Bugtussle
remembering yesterdays35 total reviews
Comment from missy98writer
Susan,
your flash fiction is very well written. Excellent narrative, great dialogue, wonderful characterization and very descriptive writing. As I read your story I could see it taking place in my head. I could visualize the old man and our narrator haggling over the 'old heap' of a pick-up. I loved the lesson learned from an old man and his memories of his 'old heap.' The last paragraph brought a tear to my eyes. Your flash fiction is a marvelous entry in the flash fiction contest. Good luck in the contest. You writing is technically excellent for flash fiction.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2010
  |
Susan,
your flash fiction is very well written. Excellent narrative, great dialogue, wonderful characterization and very descriptive writing. As I read your story I could see it taking place in my head. I could visualize the old man and our narrator haggling over the 'old heap' of a pick-up. I loved the lesson learned from an old man and his memories of his 'old heap.' The last paragraph brought a tear to my eyes. Your flash fiction is a marvelous entry in the flash fiction contest. Good luck in the contest. You writing is technically excellent for flash fiction.
Melissa.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2010
-
Hi Melissa! Thank you so much!! I really liked this one, it was fun. And I really had a truck like this. Two in fact...and sold them to keep them from being vandalized. I sure appreciate this kind and very encouraging review Melissa. It's helpful to hear your thoughts! I wish I had your gardens! ") And my old truck back...what a joy that would be! Hug!! Susan
Comment from seewhatimwritingnow
What a charming, completely delightful story. I enjoyed this from beginning to end- LOL- I was so sure I was reading a true account, as I read this- I still can't believe it's' not true and you own this 'BUGTUSSLE' and it sits in your driveway! LOL- Just loved this. Betty
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2010
|
What a charming, completely delightful story. I enjoyed this from beginning to end- LOL- I was so sure I was reading a true account, as I read this- I still can't believe it's' not true and you own this 'BUGTUSSLE' and it sits in your driveway! LOL- Just loved this. Betty
Comment Written 09-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2010
-
My old trucks like this were sold to keep them from being vandalized or stolen. They sat outside for years, and I wanted someone to restore them...so hopefully the old man who did buy them has...he lives in Indianapolis. I am thrilled that you liked this. It's my favorite that I have done so far, so this means a lot to me to hear you loved it Betty! Thank you very much! I am so happy...") Susan
-
Oh, it was a wonderful writing, no doubt about that! I actually thought 'Realist101' was a 'man' until I saw your profile! So the story was just a bit 'turned around', you being the seller and not the buyer. I loved how you had the old man ending up GIVING you the truck, as long as you promised to keep it- also, the great stories he told about the life of the truck. Just loved it all. I was enthralled from beginning to end. You brought it to life! Thanks again! Betty
-
Hi Betty! I often write from a man's perspective. DOn't know why...I also like to write from a child's pov too? And I thank you so much!! I enjoy your writing too Betty!! I will try to keep up with you!! ") Hugs, Susan
-
Hi Betty! I often write from a man's perspective. DOn't know why...I also like to write from a child's pov too? And I thank you so much!! I enjoy your writing too Betty!! I will try to keep up with you!! ") Hugs, Susan
Comment from anne1204
This is a great story. I loved every word. Excellent descriptions, but concise. The ending was a surprise and a good positive ending to a delightful story. I hope you win. Congrats to me I have a new granddaughter born 9-7-10, 7 lbs 8 oz. 20 inches long and very beautiful. Gabriella Grace. Anne 1204
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2010
|
This is a great story. I loved every word. Excellent descriptions, but concise. The ending was a surprise and a good positive ending to a delightful story. I hope you win. Congrats to me I have a new granddaughter born 9-7-10, 7 lbs 8 oz. 20 inches long and very beautiful. Gabriella Grace. Anne 1204
Comment Written 09-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2010
-
OH CONGRATULATIONS!! What a beautiful name Anne!! You should write a poem about her, or a short story? Gabriella Grace, how perfect is that?? Please tell her someone out here loves her already? My best to you all Anne!! And thank you for this wonderful review too, I hope you will someday post a pix of your granddaughter along with a poem?? Just an idea. ") Susan
Comment from gspeak
This is an extremely well written, well-paced, sentimental piece. I love the flash fiction categories, especially since I never seem to be able to hone everything down to its pure essence as you have done here.
The other thing that is impressive to me is I don't find any glaring grammatical errors. Hope that doesn't sound arrogant of me. But with decades of secretarial background it's as if my eye zooms in on them. I have been quite astonished at the number of pieces I have reviewed on FS with glaring, obvious grammatical errors even in the first line. It is very distracting to me reading the piece.
It was a pleasure reading this piece with no glaring grammatical errors. A well-told story, in very few words, and a life-time of beautifully re-told memories. Excellent work!!
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
 |
This is an extremely well written, well-paced, sentimental piece. I love the flash fiction categories, especially since I never seem to be able to hone everything down to its pure essence as you have done here.
The other thing that is impressive to me is I don't find any glaring grammatical errors. Hope that doesn't sound arrogant of me. But with decades of secretarial background it's as if my eye zooms in on them. I have been quite astonished at the number of pieces I have reviewed on FS with glaring, obvious grammatical errors even in the first line. It is very distracting to me reading the piece.
It was a pleasure reading this piece with no glaring grammatical errors. A well-told story, in very few words, and a life-time of beautifully re-told memories. Excellent work!!
Comment Written 08-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
-
Hi there! What a wonderfully encouraging review. I did really try with this, so your kind comments are very good to hear. I did have a truck that looked just like this one, only rusty...I had to sell it to keep it from being destroyed by vandals. Wish I had it back. Thank you so, and I welcome any help with my work from you!! I do have trouble with apostraphes and commas! ") ") Smiles and happy writing to you!! Susan
Comment from RazberryBullet
Liked this line: It had been his helper, his friend and even though it was just a machine, it had a personality all it's own.
Loved the name of the truck ;p
Well done!
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
|
Liked this line: It had been his helper, his friend and even though it was just a machine, it had a personality all it's own.
Loved the name of the truck ;p
Well done!
Comment Written 08-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
-
hi Raz! Thanks!! I am happy that you liked this little tale. Sure do wish I had my old truck back, but it was sold a few years ago. Thank you for this really encouraging review!! It's nice to hear from you!! Susan
Comment from Judian James
Oh, I loved this story, Sue. It's very well written and held my heart throughout. "The work boot moved gravel again and I stepped back, away from the man and his truck. Just a couple of feet, a false warning of backing out altogether" well done.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
|
Oh, I loved this story, Sue. It's very well written and held my heart throughout. "The work boot moved gravel again and I stepped back, away from the man and his truck. Just a couple of feet, a false warning of backing out altogether" well done.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
-
Hi Judian! Thank you so! Don't you love those old trucks? I sure wish I still had mine...but we could not afford to restore it so I sold it to an older man...up in Indianapolis...this story isn't real, but was a joy to write. I'm real glad you liked it my friend. OH, they are sending your book! I can't wait to see it...") Susan
-
Let me know what you think!!
Comment from sugardog
Wonderful story!!! I LOVED this meaningful tale. You wrote so much good description into this that I felt I was there too, with you. I loved the dialogue-very realistic and the body motions-gave these characters life. So many memories are amongst us in the weirdest places. This story makes me think about what I should be saving... Good luck in the FF contest-very enjoyable and well written read. Have a wonderful day!! Hugs, Dana
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2010
|
Wonderful story!!! I LOVED this meaningful tale. You wrote so much good description into this that I felt I was there too, with you. I loved the dialogue-very realistic and the body motions-gave these characters life. So many memories are amongst us in the weirdest places. This story makes me think about what I should be saving... Good luck in the FF contest-very enjoyable and well written read. Have a wonderful day!! Hugs, Dana
Comment Written 07-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2010
-
Hi Dana! Thank you!! So nice to hear from you! I have words to trim for this to be FF, I am told! I have so much to learn, it's hard sometimes. How are all your babies? We are in a drought, the grass is just worthless now. I hope soon I can smile and get to moving out of this hatefilled place. Please take care!! Love, Susan
-
Hey! I guess with FF you want to be sure you have written it down to the bare bones-no superfluous words, adjectives or adverbs. I agree, it is hard!! Everything's good here-rainy now, so we are not having a drought like you. I hope you move soon too!! Keep me updated :) Have a wonderful evening! Dana
-
Oh Dana, go out and let yourself get soaked for me? My whole body is drying out, seems I can't get enough water down...wow. ENJOY the rain!!! ") HUGS to all!!! Susan
Comment from Carrie Smith
Great story Susan about "Bugtussle" Especially liked the conversation during the barter to by the truck. Also his his connection the truck during his ownership must have been very interesting and how sweet. Good Job and lot's of ,luck in the contest. Will be in touch soon...Susan
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2010
|
Great story Susan about "Bugtussle" Especially liked the conversation during the barter to by the truck. Also his his connection the truck during his ownership must have been very interesting and how sweet. Good Job and lot's of ,luck in the contest. Will be in touch soon...Susan
Comment Written 07-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2010
-
Hi Susan! How did your holiday go?? I thought of you wishing I were there. I just spent time with the story and the BS here. It's just too much for handle. Talk soon!! HUGS! Susan
Comment from Daylok
Nice Work!! I am so inlove with old Cars & Trucks!! I know this "have to have" feeling!! Great poem!! There is always a car that we wish we kept!!
Flow is great and kept me interested from start to finsh!!Good Luck !!- Daylok
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2010
|
Nice Work!! I am so inlove with old Cars & Trucks!! I know this "have to have" feeling!! Great poem!! There is always a car that we wish we kept!!
Flow is great and kept me interested from start to finsh!!Good Luck !!- Daylok
Comment Written 07-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2010
-
Hi Day! Thanks! I hope you will acquire an old truck and hang onto it if you do! ") SO much fun to drive. And thank you again, for reading and reviewing for me! Susan
Comment from suneagle
It's a nice feel-good short story, but it certainly isn't flash fiction. FF needs to be writtin in a trim, taut, active style without superfluity of expression. You need to proofread this and cut out any non-essential narrative. I've given you specific examples below of what could be done.
Even though bird droppings and rust had eaten away at the paint, it didn't matter, I had to have the old truck.
(22 words. Bad start for a flash fiction. The words "Even though" are completely unnecessary and should be deleted. It is important to use tight, sharp, active writing. I suggest:
Bird droppings and rust had eaten away at the old truck, but I had to have it. [17 words])
It sat, grown up in tangled vines and weeds, all but forgotten, its headlights for all the world looking like a sad faced pup, wanting to follow me home.
(29 words. Another very loose, wordy sentence. I suggest tightening:
It sat tangled in vines and weeds, its headlings looking like a sad-faced pup wanting to follow me home. [19 words] [Phrases like "all but forgotten" are superfluous--the reader understands this from the context.])
I wanted to play coy.
(It's obvious what you are doing. Simply write: I played copy.)
Sometimes it helped, sometimes it didn't.
(That sentence is redundant and could be deleted.)
The work boot went to work moving gravel again and I stepped back, away from the man and his truck.
(20 words. The sentence could be tightened:
His work boot moved more gravel, so I stepped back from the man and his truck. [16 words])
"How old are you, Mr. Lind?" I was genuinely curious.
(Delete "genuinely"--superfluous adverb. You could rephrase: It was a sincere question.)
I was giving myself away now. But I said it with conviction.
(Simplify: I was transparent. But I meant it.)
it had a personality all [its] own.
***
I trust I've been helpful. Have you read my essay entitled "Flash Fiction"? It's available here.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2010
 |
It's a nice feel-good short story, but it certainly isn't flash fiction. FF needs to be writtin in a trim, taut, active style without superfluity of expression. You need to proofread this and cut out any non-essential narrative. I've given you specific examples below of what could be done.
Even though bird droppings and rust had eaten away at the paint, it didn't matter, I had to have the old truck.
(22 words. Bad start for a flash fiction. The words "Even though" are completely unnecessary and should be deleted. It is important to use tight, sharp, active writing. I suggest:
Bird droppings and rust had eaten away at the old truck, but I had to have it. [17 words])
It sat, grown up in tangled vines and weeds, all but forgotten, its headlights for all the world looking like a sad faced pup, wanting to follow me home.
(29 words. Another very loose, wordy sentence. I suggest tightening:
It sat tangled in vines and weeds, its headlings looking like a sad-faced pup wanting to follow me home. [19 words] [Phrases like "all but forgotten" are superfluous--the reader understands this from the context.])
I wanted to play coy.
(It's obvious what you are doing. Simply write: I played copy.)
Sometimes it helped, sometimes it didn't.
(That sentence is redundant and could be deleted.)
The work boot went to work moving gravel again and I stepped back, away from the man and his truck.
(20 words. The sentence could be tightened:
His work boot moved more gravel, so I stepped back from the man and his truck. [16 words])
"How old are you, Mr. Lind?" I was genuinely curious.
(Delete "genuinely"--superfluous adverb. You could rephrase: It was a sincere question.)
I was giving myself away now. But I said it with conviction.
(Simplify: I was transparent. But I meant it.)
it had a personality all [its] own.
***
I trust I've been helpful. Have you read my essay entitled "Flash Fiction"? It's available here.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2010
-
Hi there! I almost emailed to ask you to review this right off the bat, guess I should have...thank you, I have read your great articles, several times in fact...I am just slow, much to learn...I will go over this and take out your suggested words too. Yes, you are helpful...and I do appreciate it!! Happy writing to you Sun...Susan
