A Street of Ancient Mexico
a blank verse poem133 total reviews
Comment from Dave M
I appreciated your notes on blank verse, but you weren't consistent on using them in the poem. Some of your iambic pentameter is forced, not at all natural. For example,
"I feel VOID of erOTic THOUGHTS and LUST"
Also,
"I TUMbled from DRINK WHEN you CLOSED the DOOR"
Otherwise, I liked this poem, about someone who found love and turned his life around.
Dave
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
   |
I appreciated your notes on blank verse, but you weren't consistent on using them in the poem. Some of your iambic pentameter is forced, not at all natural. For example,
"I feel VOID of erOTic THOUGHTS and LUST"
Also,
"I TUMbled from DRINK WHEN you CLOSED the DOOR"
Otherwise, I liked this poem, about someone who found love and turned his life around.
Dave
Comment Written 01-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
-
Thank you for your review.
Comment from Ted T
Hi :)
Excellent work here. Quite expressive writing with a touch of universal appeal. I like you stanza structure and the selection of the right words for the piece.
It should do well in the contest.
Ted
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
|
Hi :)
Excellent work here. Quite expressive writing with a touch of universal appeal. I like you stanza structure and the selection of the right words for the piece.
It should do well in the contest.
Ted
Comment Written 01-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
-
Thank you for your very kind review; I truly appreciate it.
Comment from countess gram
This is a beautiful love poem. It begins as a lonely and sad situation but the Lord takes action. Love is found. The flow is smooth and the structure good and your well chosen words make the story come alive. Well done!
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
|
This is a beautiful love poem. It begins as a lonely and sad situation but the Lord takes action. Love is found. The flow is smooth and the structure good and your well chosen words make the story come alive. Well done!
Comment Written 01-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
-
Thanks for a great review; I truly appreciate it.
Comment from mik4L
I like the story this tells. Several lines really stand out for me like "dark bruises...on my soul" and "desire to live...retreats." Don't know much about "blank verse" but I like this piece.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
|
I like the story this tells. Several lines really stand out for me like "dark bruises...on my soul" and "desire to live...retreats." Don't know much about "blank verse" but I like this piece.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
-
Yes, I like those lines very much as well. Thanks for a great review.
-
You are welcome.
Comment from fictionwriter
How did you go from being torn apart at the door, to being in love. Or was it actually the reverse, he feel in love and then was at the door. Well done.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
|
How did you go from being torn apart at the door, to being in love. Or was it actually the reverse, he feel in love and then was at the door. Well done.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
-
Thanks for a great review. For what it's worth, I meant the first interpretation.
Comment from Sharkey
I like how this poem flowed and the story it told. The notes you added really helped me to understand the method you used...great job.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
|
I like how this poem flowed and the story it told. The notes you added really helped me to understand the method you used...great job.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
-
Thanks for a great review; I truly appreciate it. Thank you also for the comments on the notes; people have mixed feelings about notes, and I am glad you appreciated mine.
Comment from AprilShower
Hi,
I can tell that this took a great deal of work and research. These types of verse are extremely hard to write. I gathered that someone had been abused. This person then finds another who is kinder and a romance is developing.
You have my best wishes.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
|
Hi,
I can tell that this took a great deal of work and research. These types of verse are extremely hard to write. I gathered that someone had been abused. This person then finds another who is kinder and a romance is developing.
You have my best wishes.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
-
Yes, it took weeks to write--often only two lines a day. Thanks for noticing all the hard work that went into this poem. You understood the story of the poem well.
Comment from fionageorge
A wonderful and deep blank verse, my friend. This is not an easy structure to do (I know, I also entered), but you seem to have done it and done it well. Due to the difficult nature, I won't comment on whether you have met all the criteria (I think you have), I will leave that to the organiser, who is on the ball, and makes sure we all get it right.
Good luck in the contest and warmest regards, Marijke
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
|
A wonderful and deep blank verse, my friend. This is not an easy structure to do (I know, I also entered), but you seem to have done it and done it well. Due to the difficult nature, I won't comment on whether you have met all the criteria (I think you have), I will leave that to the organiser, who is on the ball, and makes sure we all get it right.
Good luck in the contest and warmest regards, Marijke
Comment Written 01-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
-
Thank you; you are very kind. That organizer is TOUGH!
-
Yes, tough - but fair! Good luck. xxxxx
-
Thank you.
Comment from sgalletti
What a wonderful collection of blank verse poems! I would expect nothing else in a contest sponsored by Alvin where I know he works with writers to ensure that guidelines like meter and no rhyme are met. How wonderful that you were able to find the one you love in Mexico, p country I love to visit. A few lines seemed a little off for me re: meter (for example, "I feel void.." which seems to start with a stressed syllable..). But, overall, this is a lovely piece of writing. Congratulations and best of luck in the contest. Sue
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
|
What a wonderful collection of blank verse poems! I would expect nothing else in a contest sponsored by Alvin where I know he works with writers to ensure that guidelines like meter and no rhyme are met. How wonderful that you were able to find the one you love in Mexico, p country I love to visit. A few lines seemed a little off for me re: meter (for example, "I feel void.." which seems to start with a stressed syllable..). But, overall, this is a lovely piece of writing. Congratulations and best of luck in the contest. Sue
Comment Written 01-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
-
Thanks for a great review. For clarification, I prefer to stress verbs over pronouns; my poetry has a more active feel that way.
-
Yes, I gathered that. However, one of the "rules" for this contest was that all pieces be written in iambic pentameter which is very specific about where stressed and unstressed syllables must fall. Thus, the comment in my review. Sue
-
I don't quite understand; we are talking about one syllabic words, so, depending on dialect, the stress in that line can fall on the first or second word, or even the third.
-
It doesn't matter how many syllables are in the words. Iambic pentameter (required in a blank verse poem) means that the line must start with an unstressed syllable, followed by a stressed syllable and continuing throughout each and every line. Thus 10 syllables total (regardless of how many syllables in each word) and the beat going da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM where da is unstressed and DUM is stressed. This is explained in the contest requirements as well....Sue
-
Yes, and I scan the beginning of that line as
I FEEL void OF eROTic
Thanks for the dialogue.
-
Ahhh....I was reading it a different way. Thank you for helping me to not only understand the meter you were intending but also get a completely different interpretation of the line...I, too, thank you for the dialogue. Sue
-
You're welcome. A few reviewers wanted the stresses on "I" in several lines and that unintentional subconscious self-concern is not a major component of Latin-influenced poetry, although it is of contemporary poetry written in English. I am grateful for your kindness to dialogue with me about the meter of the poem and I learned something. Others were not, shall we say, not so kind. I appreciate your graciousness.
-
Oh, I learned a lot from the dialogue. I'm curious what you learned? Sue
-
I learned that my dialectical emphases were influence by Spanish when I write Latin-influenced poems and that those dialectical emphases were not those of most native English speakers, though my native language is English.
Comment from ulster3
Hello author.
This reads like a very strong entry for this contest. It is a bit poignant in it's descriptions of a relationship that ended. I wish you well in the contest.
Fondly, Rebecca
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
|
Hello author.
This reads like a very strong entry for this contest. It is a bit poignant in it's descriptions of a relationship that ended. I wish you well in the contest.
Fondly, Rebecca
Comment Written 01-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2010
-
Thanks for a great review; I truly appreciate it.
-
You are most welcome, and again, the best to you. Reb
-
Thanks once again.
