Lords Of The Sky
Flash Fiction, Complete Story in 770 Words46 total reviews
Comment from cheyennewy
HI bhogg,
You write the most interesting stories. You do it in such a way that one is compelled to read every word. I do hope I am never hungry enough to eat a live bug...or a dead one for that matter! You have good characters and the dialogue is well done and believable. This may be partly fiction but it reads like it is read. Well done and good luck in the contest.....chey
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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HI bhogg,
You write the most interesting stories. You do it in such a way that one is compelled to read every word. I do hope I am never hungry enough to eat a live bug...or a dead one for that matter! You have good characters and the dialogue is well done and believable. This may be partly fiction but it reads like it is read. Well done and good luck in the contest.....chey
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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Thanks Chey - my biggest problem in this contest (flash fiction), was that I wanted to add "flesh" to the story. Thank you very much for reading and for your kind and generous feedback.
Comment from patwannabe
bill, this is great. I love your punch line. How true it is. I've had my time in the jungles and was grateful to the natives for their help. I was offered a grub, but luckily, it was only an offer, not a command.
I believe Jess and Billy flunked that on. You just squealed on them, though, so now the whole world knows it :-)
A couple of bobbles:
Do you mean a "big damn country" or a "damn big country". There's a difference here :-)
I would join ..."multi-million dollar war machines" and the next sentence with a "but" they were lost, big time.
It was if the three Choca (no apostro). Either add an "s" or play like Choca can be sing or plur.
I was afraid they were going to be dinner. Great story. I love it. Keep writing, pat
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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bill, this is great. I love your punch line. How true it is. I've had my time in the jungles and was grateful to the natives for their help. I was offered a grub, but luckily, it was only an offer, not a command.
I believe Jess and Billy flunked that on. You just squealed on them, though, so now the whole world knows it :-)
A couple of bobbles:
Do you mean a "big damn country" or a "damn big country". There's a difference here :-)
I would join ..."multi-million dollar war machines" and the next sentence with a "but" they were lost, big time.
It was if the three Choca (no apostro). Either add an "s" or play like Choca can be sing or plur.
I was afraid they were going to be dinner. Great story. I love it. Keep writing, pat
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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Hey Pat - thanks for visiting. I'll take a look, but thanks for making me smile. LOL Bill
Comment from Realist101
Dang it I need more sixes. Bill, this is outstanding. I love your style, your dialogue is perfectly done, the whole story is a fascinating read. And the message that I love, is that "might" isn't always right. Ha. Have you seen a movie called Apocalypto? This reminds me of it. Especially the ending. I love your work. Susan
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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Dang it I need more sixes. Bill, this is outstanding. I love your style, your dialogue is perfectly done, the whole story is a fascinating read. And the message that I love, is that "might" isn't always right. Ha. Have you seen a movie called Apocalypto? This reminds me of it. Especially the ending. I love your work. Susan
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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Hi Susan - thanks for reading and for your kind and generous feedback. I did see Apocalypto. My wife refused to watch because of the other language. I didn't even notice. It was great. This was hard for me - flash fiction when what I really wanted to do was "flesh" out the story.
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Well, you could post a second part to it? I know everyone would like that! I would. Susan
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Hi Susan - what I'll probably do after the contest is make this a full story, probably 2000 words plus. Thanks for your support!
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Oh good, I will look forward to it! ") S.
Comment from c_lucas
Never scorn the hand that feeds you. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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Never scorn the hand that feeds you. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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Thanks Charlie - it wasn't easy for me to write "flash" fiction because I kept want to add "flesh".
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You're welcome, Bill. If you run into problems with flash fiction. Write the story and go back an eliminate anything that doesn't move the story forward. Charlie
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Hi Charlie - after the contest, I can assure you that I will re-write. I may even use my brother as an expert contributor. I could tell you some stories about him!
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There were nine boy and five girls in my family. I have one or two sibling's stories myself, Bill. You're welcome, Charlie
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
I like the irony of the two hot-shot pilots who have to depend on 'primitive' natives to get water, food and direction to find their way home.
A sort of rebalancing of the scales in a way.
A well written and enjoyable read, which also has an excelent moral.
Juliette
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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I like the irony of the two hot-shot pilots who have to depend on 'primitive' natives to get water, food and direction to find their way home.
A sort of rebalancing of the scales in a way.
A well written and enjoyable read, which also has an excelent moral.
Juliette
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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Thanks Juliette - I'm glad that you read and enjoyed! Even though it is flash fiction, I can't write anything without attempting to make some sort of moral point.
Comment from Max Edon
I thought that this was quite a nice little story. I liked the native characters. They were very realistic. However, I don't think air force pilot would be that dumb. Or would they!!!
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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I thought that this was quite a nice little story. I liked the native characters. They were very realistic. However, I don't think air force pilot would be that dumb. Or would they!!!
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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I don't know about the pilots Max. I was in the Army, and none of us were dumb at all! Thanks for reading.
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You are welcome!
Comment from Gideon Roth
Hi there. I was embarking on a day of writing and thought I would get inspired by reading some good submissions first. I was happy to find this one by you. It is very well done and I found no spag or errors of any kind. The narrative was active and the dialogue was natural and realistic. You should do well with this and it is a strong entry for the contest. Good luck and keep up the good writing...Tim, aka, Gideon
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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Hi there. I was embarking on a day of writing and thought I would get inspired by reading some good submissions first. I was happy to find this one by you. It is very well done and I found no spag or errors of any kind. The narrative was active and the dialogue was natural and realistic. You should do well with this and it is a strong entry for the contest. Good luck and keep up the good writing...Tim, aka, Gideon
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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Thanks Tim - I've had this story outlined for awhile, and never really thought I would submit as flash fiction. After the contest, I might re-visit and write with more flesh than flash. Thanks for reading and for your kind words!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I really enjoyed reading this short story. I puts everything in perspective.
I want to caution you about writing dialogue. If you adress somebody, no matter what you call them you need a comma before their name. "Cut it out, dude.")
With a sigh, Jess continued, "can you show us how to get back to the airbase, or even the coast?" (capital 'c' on Can)
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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I really enjoyed reading this short story. I puts everything in perspective.
I want to caution you about writing dialogue. If you adress somebody, no matter what you call them you need a comma before their name. "Cut it out, dude.")
With a sigh, Jess continued, "can you show us how to get back to the airbase, or even the coast?" (capital 'c' on Can)
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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Thanks Barbara - I've checked this thing out 10 times, so appreciate your keen eye. Thanks for reading and for your attentive suggestions!
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It happens to me all the time.
Comment from anabelle
LOL! Great story, Bill. I love these two hotshots completely lost in the jungle. Lord in one environment means minions in another.
Best of luck in the contest.
Great entry.
Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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LOL! Great story, Bill. I love these two hotshots completely lost in the jungle. Lord in one environment means minions in another.
Best of luck in the contest.
Great entry.
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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Thank you Anabelle - my first shot at flash fiction. I kept wanting to add "flesh" to it, but had to resist. Regards, Bill
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You did a great job, Bill. Good luck.
Comment from Ann Smith
I enjoyed this flash fiction story and sometimes truth reads stranger than fiction. I appreciate the author's notes about your older brother and imagine he has some wild stories to tell. I especially like the last line about how they were saved by the Lords of the Earth. We each have a role to play. Good luck with the contest. ann
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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I enjoyed this flash fiction story and sometimes truth reads stranger than fiction. I appreciate the author's notes about your older brother and imagine he has some wild stories to tell. I especially like the last line about how they were saved by the Lords of the Earth. We each have a role to play. Good luck with the contest. ann
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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Thanks for reading Ann, and for your kind and generous comments.
