An Avenging Angel's Tale
The Sword of Righteousness16 total reviews
Comment from missy98writer
John
your story for the writing prompt contest Write the first page of your novel is wonderfully written. Excellent set up to writing a book. Wonderful imagery, great narrative, and very good dialogue. Adorable photo of a cute woman holding an apple. Here are some paragraphs that caught my eye:
I stood motionless, as the archangel flew deliberately around me. It took all my strength to keep my sword lowered, steady by my side. He was taunting me, trying to get me to make the first move against him. I stared straight ahead, calling on my inner resolve to carry me through this horrific scene.
In a flash, his face was before mine. His blood red eyes were trying to sear their way into my soul. I just smiled. I saw the anger in his eyes. My smile got larger, until it was I who was taunting him.
I waited until Lucifer committed himself to raising his hand to extinguish my life, and with the righteousness of the Lord, brought my sword to bear on his molten body. I felt the searing heat of my sword as it sliced through his chest, revealing a hollow core that once exposed to air began to unexplainably have a reverse effect of extinguishing the flames of his exterior.
"My name is of no consequence. I am but the bearer of the sword of God. He takes great offense to your misbehavior, and orders you to return to the fold, or perish upon this day. Also be aware that I am but one of a thousand messengers who have come to end your presence on the earth. Your actions in the next two minutes, will determine your fate."
As soon as I was finished, Lucifer exploded in a gigantic fireball. The explosion created a searing heat wave and a kaleidoscope of colors, mostly dark, then vanished.
I remained focused on the tiny particles of light that were rapidly extinguishing themselves, until only darkness remained.
I felt an eerie calmness, as I walked back to my horse. With a soothing touch, I steadied my mount and retrieved another sword from the canvas bag, near my saddle. Guided by divine navigation, I rode into the night, to find my next charge.
Her long blonde hair, seductive smile, and sparkling blue eyes, captured my heart immediately. In her hand was a bright red apple. Behind her, there was a serpent, whispering in her ear. She seemed to be teasing a man called Adam, to take a bite of the apple.
The closer I got, I could hear Adam, saying: "Eve. It's forbidden. Don't do this. It's wrong."
I watched as the serpent smiled. Immediately, I knew the sword was meant for him. While Adam took the apple from Eve's hand and threw it across the meadow, the serpent slithered toward Adam, just as I ran the sword through its head.
Adam and Eve looked at me questionably. As soon as the serpent stopped hissing, I felt myself being transported once more, my appearance being altered, and my surroundings unfamiliar.
What a creative and unique story. Good luck in the contest. . .Melissa.
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John
your story for the writing prompt contest Write the first page of your novel is wonderfully written. Excellent set up to writing a book. Wonderful imagery, great narrative, and very good dialogue. Adorable photo of a cute woman holding an apple. Here are some paragraphs that caught my eye:
I stood motionless, as the archangel flew deliberately around me. It took all my strength to keep my sword lowered, steady by my side. He was taunting me, trying to get me to make the first move against him. I stared straight ahead, calling on my inner resolve to carry me through this horrific scene.
In a flash, his face was before mine. His blood red eyes were trying to sear their way into my soul. I just smiled. I saw the anger in his eyes. My smile got larger, until it was I who was taunting him.
I waited until Lucifer committed himself to raising his hand to extinguish my life, and with the righteousness of the Lord, brought my sword to bear on his molten body. I felt the searing heat of my sword as it sliced through his chest, revealing a hollow core that once exposed to air began to unexplainably have a reverse effect of extinguishing the flames of his exterior.
"My name is of no consequence. I am but the bearer of the sword of God. He takes great offense to your misbehavior, and orders you to return to the fold, or perish upon this day. Also be aware that I am but one of a thousand messengers who have come to end your presence on the earth. Your actions in the next two minutes, will determine your fate."
As soon as I was finished, Lucifer exploded in a gigantic fireball. The explosion created a searing heat wave and a kaleidoscope of colors, mostly dark, then vanished.
I remained focused on the tiny particles of light that were rapidly extinguishing themselves, until only darkness remained.
I felt an eerie calmness, as I walked back to my horse. With a soothing touch, I steadied my mount and retrieved another sword from the canvas bag, near my saddle. Guided by divine navigation, I rode into the night, to find my next charge.
Her long blonde hair, seductive smile, and sparkling blue eyes, captured my heart immediately. In her hand was a bright red apple. Behind her, there was a serpent, whispering in her ear. She seemed to be teasing a man called Adam, to take a bite of the apple.
The closer I got, I could hear Adam, saying: "Eve. It's forbidden. Don't do this. It's wrong."
I watched as the serpent smiled. Immediately, I knew the sword was meant for him. While Adam took the apple from Eve's hand and threw it across the meadow, the serpent slithered toward Adam, just as I ran the sword through its head.
Adam and Eve looked at me questionably. As soon as the serpent stopped hissing, I felt myself being transported once more, my appearance being altered, and my surroundings unfamiliar.
What a creative and unique story. Good luck in the contest. . .Melissa.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
Comment from adewpearl
This is an interesting start to a book - so this Templar knight dispatches Lucifer and the serpent in the Garden of Eden all in the book's first pages. And then he is on to Judas - I'm wondering whether this book is going to be more than a few pages long since he is tearing his way through all the evil of the world so fast. I'm not even sure with Lucifer and the sins of Adam and Eve taken care of how much more evil is even supposed to happen??? Brooke
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This is an interesting start to a book - so this Templar knight dispatches Lucifer and the serpent in the Garden of Eden all in the book's first pages. And then he is on to Judas - I'm wondering whether this book is going to be more than a few pages long since he is tearing his way through all the evil of the world so fast. I'm not even sure with Lucifer and the sins of Adam and Eve taken care of how much more evil is even supposed to happen??? Brooke
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
Comment from angelawhitelaw
Very entertaining. I saw it as a reflection of past lives, doing the constant battle of good vs evil. Great job on the twists at the end.
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Very entertaining. I saw it as a reflection of past lives, doing the constant battle of good vs evil. Great job on the twists at the end.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2010
Comment from sands69
what a great adventure of being given divine missions to wrong the evil in the world! if only there was such hero's around us in today's society that is crawling with serpents a plenty.
keep up the good work.
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what a great adventure of being given divine missions to wrong the evil in the world! if only there was such hero's around us in today's society that is crawling with serpents a plenty.
keep up the good work.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2010
Comment from jester97
In religion there are two levels to all scripture. The first is the literal, it is meant for the layman. The second is the symbolic which is for those "with eyes to see" . That is, the initiated. This differfentiation between Esotericism and Exotericism is essential for true understanding. Unfortunately you have taken an element of the esoteric, with the Knights Templar but interwoven it with the exoteric. Lucifer, means Light-Bringer, he is the first angel, that responsible for Light, he is not an evil flaming demon - that's exotericism.
So Aprt from that general flaw in the philosophy you have an entertaining enough start - everyone likes the spooky-spiritual but as this is such a well known genre now you really really have to do your research first. I recommend 'the Secret Doctrine' by H.P Blavatsky - that will open your mind. But keep up the good work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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In religion there are two levels to all scripture. The first is the literal, it is meant for the layman. The second is the symbolic which is for those "with eyes to see" . That is, the initiated. This differfentiation between Esotericism and Exotericism is essential for true understanding. Unfortunately you have taken an element of the esoteric, with the Knights Templar but interwoven it with the exoteric. Lucifer, means Light-Bringer, he is the first angel, that responsible for Light, he is not an evil flaming demon - that's exotericism.
So Aprt from that general flaw in the philosophy you have an entertaining enough start - everyone likes the spooky-spiritual but as this is such a well known genre now you really really have to do your research first. I recommend 'the Secret Doctrine' by H.P Blavatsky - that will open your mind. But keep up the good work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2010
Comment from anabelle
This sounds like a good novel, Thesis, and it sounds like you could have inserted this into the Time Travel contest as well. I'll look forward to more of this.
Well-written.
Regards, anabelle
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This sounds like a good novel, Thesis, and it sounds like you could have inserted this into the Time Travel contest as well. I'll look forward to more of this.
Well-written.
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 04-Aug-2010
Comment from closetpoetjester
Oooh good story. I liked the concept with this one and its a story that allows a lot of scope with each different set of circumstances he finds himself in.
Nicely penned and a great presentation John. I found your strong narratives described everything going on to a point where I was right in the story too. I loved where this went and had no idea what was coming.
Well told and I hope there are more adventures for this guy.
Cheers closet xo
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Oooh good story. I liked the concept with this one and its a story that allows a lot of scope with each different set of circumstances he finds himself in.
Nicely penned and a great presentation John. I found your strong narratives described everything going on to a point where I was right in the story too. I loved where this went and had no idea what was coming.
Well told and I hope there are more adventures for this guy.
Cheers closet xo
Comment Written 04-Aug-2010
Comment from Mastery
Hi, John... How have you been?
Good imagery here especially: " waited until Lucifer committed himself to raising his hand to extinguish my life, and with the righteousness of the Lord, brought my sword to bear on his molten body. I felt the searing heat of my sword as it sliced through his chest, revealing a hollow core that once exposed to air began to unexplainably have a reverse effect of extinguishing the flames of his exterior"
May I suggest this: "My smile got larger, until it was I who was taunting him." (Make this "My smile grew larger..."
Good writing, John. You get better all the time...Bob
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Hi, John... How have you been?
Good imagery here especially: " waited until Lucifer committed himself to raising his hand to extinguish my life, and with the righteousness of the Lord, brought my sword to bear on his molten body. I felt the searing heat of my sword as it sliced through his chest, revealing a hollow core that once exposed to air began to unexplainably have a reverse effect of extinguishing the flames of his exterior"
May I suggest this: "My smile got larger, until it was I who was taunting him." (Make this "My smile grew larger..."
Good writing, John. You get better all the time...Bob
Comment Written 03-Aug-2010
Comment from sugardog
Nice job on your time travel piece. I have thought it would be fun to write time travel like this, but wasn't sure if I could pull it off. You have done a good job here. It makes sense and is exciting, and a fun take on a bit of the bible. Great job, John. Good luck in the contest, Dana
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Nice job on your time travel piece. I have thought it would be fun to write time travel like this, but wasn't sure if I could pull it off. You have done a good job here. It makes sense and is exciting, and a fun take on a bit of the bible. Great job, John. Good luck in the contest, Dana
Comment Written 03-Aug-2010
Comment from bookishfabler
This was one of your best yet. At first I was reluctant, sinceit was more mythical, but what the heck, I even read westerns here, why not fantasy? I'm glad I did.
The explosion created a searing heat wave and a kaleidoscope of colors, mostly dark, then vanished.
mostly dark colors.
hugs book
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This was one of your best yet. At first I was reluctant, sinceit was more mythical, but what the heck, I even read westerns here, why not fantasy? I'm glad I did.
The explosion created a searing heat wave and a kaleidoscope of colors, mostly dark, then vanished.
mostly dark colors.
hugs book
Comment Written 03-Aug-2010
