Pathway to Forever
When Life Throws a Curve.....38 total reviews
Comment from Shirley McLain
The first page is wonderful. You were so descriptive and brought pictures to my minds eye. Your character is strong and the dialogue is excellent. You left me with many questions so i am looking forward to the rest of the book. Good job.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2010
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The first page is wonderful. You were so descriptive and brought pictures to my minds eye. Your character is strong and the dialogue is excellent. You left me with many questions so i am looking forward to the rest of the book. Good job.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2010
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Texasgal,
future...Much of the rough draft is written but finding the time to make changes isn't possible right now. Thanks...Carol
Comment from Writeaway...
Great piece as always Begin Again, I've noticed that you haven't been posting work for quite a while, maybe that's just me. Excellent job, I found no spags whatsoever, keep writing!!
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2010
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Great piece as always Begin Again, I've noticed that you haven't been posting work for quite a while, maybe that's just me. Excellent job, I found no spags whatsoever, keep writing!!
Comment Written 02-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2010
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Jakey,
future...Much of the rough draft is written but finding the time to make changes isn't possible right now. Thanks...Carol
Comment from vandawalker
You've got a great start for your novel here. The emotions of the young man leads the reader to discover more about him. All of the beginning paragraphs are beautifully descriptive. They are homey, quiet scenes that artfully contrast with the turmoil of the storm and the young man. Well done! Keep going.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2010
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You've got a great start for your novel here. The emotions of the young man leads the reader to discover more about him. All of the beginning paragraphs are beautifully descriptive. They are homey, quiet scenes that artfully contrast with the turmoil of the storm and the young man. Well done! Keep going.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2010
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Vandawalker,
A story I hope to finish in the near future...Much of the rough draft is written but finding the time to make changes isn't possible right now. Thanks...Carol
Comment from adewpearl
You establish the small town atmosphere so well - the local cop is either enjoying coffee and reruns with his feet on his desk or he is hunkered down in his cruiser monitoring the town's speed trap - I know those towns. LOL
And then comes James, filled with rage - of course you make readers curious to see what THAT is all about
lightening - should be lightning Brooke
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2010
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You establish the small town atmosphere so well - the local cop is either enjoying coffee and reruns with his feet on his desk or he is hunkered down in his cruiser monitoring the town's speed trap - I know those towns. LOL
And then comes James, filled with rage - of course you make readers curious to see what THAT is all about
lightening - should be lightning Brooke
Comment Written 02-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2010
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Brooke,
A story I hope to finish in the future...Much of the rough draft is written but finding the time to make changes isn't possible right now. Thanks...Carol
Comment from Judian James
Hey there Carol! It's good to read something from your pen today. Well you certainly had me hooked. My breathing changed and I felt pelted with rain and covered in mud by the end ... wanting desperately to turn the page and see what's next. excellent as always!!
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2010
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Hey there Carol! It's good to read something from your pen today. Well you certainly had me hooked. My breathing changed and I felt pelted with rain and covered in mud by the end ... wanting desperately to turn the page and see what's next. excellent as always!!
Comment Written 02-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2010
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Jude,
I hope to finish this story sometime in the future...when my life settles down..Sooner would be better than later!! Smiles, CArol
Comment from MizKat
Begin Again - Your first chapter is really good. It held my interest throughout, but I particularly like the suspense in the last few paragraphs. It makes me what to read more. Kat
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Begin Again - Your first chapter is really good. It held my interest throughout, but I particularly like the suspense in the last few paragraphs. It makes me what to read more. Kat
Comment Written 02-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Been gone for so long and can't return as yet..but I needed to say thank you for the suppport. Smiles, Carol
Comment from dmjones
Hi Carol, this is a good start to a novel. It definitely catches the reader right off especially one you get to James. From there on it's really hard to even glance away. I remember parts of this from another short story about your son. Well done and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Hi Carol, this is a good start to a novel. It definitely catches the reader right off especially one you get to James. From there on it's really hard to even glance away. I remember parts of this from another short story about your son. Well done and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Been gone for so long and can't return as yet..but I needed to say thank you for the suppport. Smiles, Carol
Comment from bookishfabler
I think you have very powerful imagery here. I love the fact that I want to know what happens next.
A baby cries ... his proud, happy parents smile blissfully at their newborn child. At that moment, everyone believes life is beautiful, but like the long stemmed rose, in time, the thorns prick their spirit and blood flows from the wound. (This is a beautiful descriptive opening. Very nicely done)
and sometimes changing(-,) our lives forever.
(changes)
They were positive (-that) their friends would want to visit and relax in their newfound home.
(Most of the time, 'that' isn't necessary)
He is definitely a mixed bag of characteristics. (He definitely has a mixed bag of characteristics)
Slamming the car into park, he turns the key off and throws open the door.(This may sound like nit-picking, but you can't turn a key off. You can turn a car off.)
he scales the cemetery wall. Swinging his leg over the top (-of the wall), he loses his balance and rolls across the rain soaked grass.(loose the second wall. too close together,
Shaking violently, gasping for air, his heart-wrenching(,) sobs fill the air.
I hope this is helpful
hugs book
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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I think you have very powerful imagery here. I love the fact that I want to know what happens next.
A baby cries ... his proud, happy parents smile blissfully at their newborn child. At that moment, everyone believes life is beautiful, but like the long stemmed rose, in time, the thorns prick their spirit and blood flows from the wound. (This is a beautiful descriptive opening. Very nicely done)
and sometimes changing(-,) our lives forever.
(changes)
They were positive (-that) their friends would want to visit and relax in their newfound home.
(Most of the time, 'that' isn't necessary)
He is definitely a mixed bag of characteristics. (He definitely has a mixed bag of characteristics)
Slamming the car into park, he turns the key off and throws open the door.(This may sound like nit-picking, but you can't turn a key off. You can turn a car off.)
he scales the cemetery wall. Swinging his leg over the top (-of the wall), he loses his balance and rolls across the rain soaked grass.(loose the second wall. too close together,
Shaking violently, gasping for air, his heart-wrenching(,) sobs fill the air.
I hope this is helpful
hugs book
Comment Written 02-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Been gone for so long and can't return as yet..but I needed to say thank you for the suppport. Smiles, Carol
Comment from hotstuff
Oh my goodness me, what a start to a novel. The emotion at the end! I was gulping down my own emotion too. I wish you would complete it as I would love to read more. This is great. Good luck in the competition.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Oh my goodness me, what a start to a novel. The emotion at the end! I was gulping down my own emotion too. I wish you would complete it as I would love to read more. This is great. Good luck in the competition.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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HOtstuff,
This one I would like to continue with..Thaqnk you...Carol
Comment from fionageorge
Well, Carol, that is one powerful and interesting first page/s you have penned here, my friend. It is powerful in its emotion, the description of the town, the local constabulary and the anger at God. Yes, I would definitely keep reading this story, my friend.
mom at their family-owned caf©, {evil Eddie!)
Warmest regards and good luck in the contest, Marijke
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Well, Carol, that is one powerful and interesting first page/s you have penned here, my friend. It is powerful in its emotion, the description of the town, the local constabulary and the anger at God. Yes, I would definitely keep reading this story, my friend.
mom at their family-owned caf©, {evil Eddie!)
Warmest regards and good luck in the contest, Marijke
Comment Written 02-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2010
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Marijke,
Been gone for so long and can't return as yet..but I needed to say thank you for the suppport. Smiles, Carol
