Little Camille(A novel)
Viewing comments for Prologue "Little Camille,( The Book )"a life lived in the Ozarks
30 total reviews
Comment from Patti R.
I realize at this point rating this story is sort of silly; with over 400 views, likely everything good about it has been mentioned!
Everything about the story is good. It is strong, right from the beginning. Living on this ranch, I see kittens come and go, so the kitten perishing as the opening may not have had quite the punch that it will have for most. Most don't think of the weak ones that don't survive.
But life goes on...
And for Mary Louise Brushy, life must go on.
You wrote this some time ago - to me it "sounds" a little different than the you I sense in your more recent writing. This story seems a bit pulled in, like you held back a bit.
I wonder what you've learned in your time on this site. I wonder at what I'm learning here...
Yes, Susan, this could be a book!
In my opinion, this is a good start to a good book.
Patti
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I realize at this point rating this story is sort of silly; with over 400 views, likely everything good about it has been mentioned!
Everything about the story is good. It is strong, right from the beginning. Living on this ranch, I see kittens come and go, so the kitten perishing as the opening may not have had quite the punch that it will have for most. Most don't think of the weak ones that don't survive.
But life goes on...
And for Mary Louise Brushy, life must go on.
You wrote this some time ago - to me it "sounds" a little different than the you I sense in your more recent writing. This story seems a bit pulled in, like you held back a bit.
I wonder what you've learned in your time on this site. I wonder at what I'm learning here...
Yes, Susan, this could be a book!
In my opinion, this is a good start to a good book.
Patti
Comment Written 09-Jan-2013
Comment from Kaine Darcwater
I don't see anything wrong with this prologue. Except for when the poor newborn kitten died. It read just fine. Who was telling you otherwise? The only thing I did notice is that your prologue gave a little to much information right off. Why did you stop writing the book?
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2011
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I don't see anything wrong with this prologue. Except for when the poor newborn kitten died. It read just fine. Who was telling you otherwise? The only thing I did notice is that your prologue gave a little to much information right off. Why did you stop writing the book?
Comment Written 19-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2011
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Hi Bryan! I am afraid of rejection...like you, I want so badly to be a real writer...and we have to have thick skins, which I am having trouble with at times. I may go back to it someday...I do want to. I am happy to have your opinion too. Always..susan
Comment from Spiritual Echo
Found it!
Aren't you the prolific writer!!!
By the way, I hope you have all your stories saved and backed up on your own computer.
This starts with an intense life and death scene and introduces the fragile thread between the two with such bittersweet emotion that you will never need to search for an opening line.
You asked whether this wold be a good novel and my answer is that all depends.
Is Lily your mother or grandmother?
In my own head, I'm hoping this is your mother. I believe there is an incredible story to tell about this time in history. Think about it, Lily was born shortly after WW1 and a song best describes the feeling of the world "Never again" You can go into Heritage Canada website and look up tons of stories about how regiments fell without ever having firing a shot. I'm sure there are web sites in England, Germany and the US that will inspire you even more.
The depression changed the face of America; countless stories about the dustbowl years, men hitting the rails, moving from town to town looking for enough food to just get a meal and a roof over their heads. Then WW11, the unthinkable was once again stealing husbands and fathers. leaving women behind who had never worked and were suddenly the bread earners, working in factories.
The men come back from war and suddenly these same women who kept America going were sent home to make room, make jobs for returning soldiers.
In a global celebration everyone got pregnant and the 1950's spurned the single biggest population spurt in recorded history. Suddenly in the 1950's rock ad roll waltzed in on the coattails of the big bands and Frank Sinatra. Elvis blatantly flaunted his sexuality on stage "Elvis the Pelvis" followed by "The British Explosion" in the 60's, the "Summer of Love" (1967) Woodstock and the sudden and utterably life changing introduction of the birthcontrol pill. Lets not forget Viet Nam.
At this point Lily has lived through 50 years of the most remarkable changes in recorded history.
Her story in adjusting, thriving, even surviving all these remarkable changes would be a fascinating journey.
So you asked me, do you think this could be a novel?
What do you think?
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2011
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Found it!
Aren't you the prolific writer!!!
By the way, I hope you have all your stories saved and backed up on your own computer.
This starts with an intense life and death scene and introduces the fragile thread between the two with such bittersweet emotion that you will never need to search for an opening line.
You asked whether this wold be a good novel and my answer is that all depends.
Is Lily your mother or grandmother?
In my own head, I'm hoping this is your mother. I believe there is an incredible story to tell about this time in history. Think about it, Lily was born shortly after WW1 and a song best describes the feeling of the world "Never again" You can go into Heritage Canada website and look up tons of stories about how regiments fell without ever having firing a shot. I'm sure there are web sites in England, Germany and the US that will inspire you even more.
The depression changed the face of America; countless stories about the dustbowl years, men hitting the rails, moving from town to town looking for enough food to just get a meal and a roof over their heads. Then WW11, the unthinkable was once again stealing husbands and fathers. leaving women behind who had never worked and were suddenly the bread earners, working in factories.
The men come back from war and suddenly these same women who kept America going were sent home to make room, make jobs for returning soldiers.
In a global celebration everyone got pregnant and the 1950's spurned the single biggest population spurt in recorded history. Suddenly in the 1950's rock ad roll waltzed in on the coattails of the big bands and Frank Sinatra. Elvis blatantly flaunted his sexuality on stage "Elvis the Pelvis" followed by "The British Explosion" in the 60's, the "Summer of Love" (1967) Woodstock and the sudden and utterably life changing introduction of the birthcontrol pill. Lets not forget Viet Nam.
At this point Lily has lived through 50 years of the most remarkable changes in recorded history.
Her story in adjusting, thriving, even surviving all these remarkable changes would be a fascinating journey.
So you asked me, do you think this could be a novel?
What do you think?
Comment Written 24-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2011
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Well, you have really inspired me to look at this again, that's for sure! I need to focus on it, at least try. But, I want it to be a real book, and it would have long chapters. Folks don't like to read long things anymore it seems. So, I need to think about it some more. I sure appreciate your time to comment and encourage me Ingrid. You always help me keep trying! Thank you again! ") Luv, susan...ps...this is not my family, but it could be...my mother was born in 1921. Maybe she was in my subconscience????? Had to be...
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It will be easier if you think of it as historical fiction. Its got so much potential.
My belief is that if you start writing, the technical aspect of seperating chapters can be done later. Think about how after posting a short work how many times you have gone in and edited over and over again????
Consider this your "first draft"mOpen a file folder on your computer. Try writing a twenty POINT chapter (incident) summary. For eg.
1) Lily born 1n 1920
2) Papa's death, funeral and aftermath
3) The awful reality, Mama starts trying to raise children alone poverty/kindness.determination
3) Light at the end of the tunnel...some good news
4) depression arrives hunger/sadness/ oldest brother gets in trouble stealing
You see where I'm going. Or better still syart at the end and work backwards. If you know where you are ultimately going to wind up it'll help with the jopurney.
Why not try?
I've got a book six or seven chapters long that I put aside years ago and still think about. I know exactly where its going and how it gets there but its a very intense piece and wears me down. Still its sitting there waiting for me. Do try and write this one for yourself. Stars and praise are just flirtatious pastimes.
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Hmmmm, how right you are...Ingrid, you are amazing. The original story of this, "Little Camille" without the book alongside is the end? Try to find it. It's a bit farther back. I am really proud of that one. I think I will try. I love short stories, but they fade so fast? You are wonderful to be so encouraging...hugs, susan
Comment from humpwhistle
This is an unusually good prologue in that it has multi-layers. Usually a prologue just sets the scene, but yours set the scene and the timbre of the story (I'm assuming).
The unfortunate kitten sets the undertone for what I can only believe will be a tale of continued challenge.
I am anxious to keep reading this, but please have patience with me as I have caretaking obligations and my own writing projects. You have a really good ear for dialog---did I tell you that?
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2010
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This is an unusually good prologue in that it has multi-layers. Usually a prologue just sets the scene, but yours set the scene and the timbre of the story (I'm assuming).
The unfortunate kitten sets the undertone for what I can only believe will be a tale of continued challenge.
I am anxious to keep reading this, but please have patience with me as I have caretaking obligations and my own writing projects. You have a really good ear for dialog---did I tell you that?
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 15-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2010
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Thank you Lee! Thank you so much. And I certainly understand about having time. It's hard to do it all! In fact, impossible! Happy writing too Lee! Be safe. Susan
Comment from RKagan
I can see that this is a contest entry. It is well written and since I love historical fiction I really enjoyed it. Your dialog is super. good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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I can see that this is a contest entry. It is well written and since I love historical fiction I really enjoyed it. Your dialog is super. good luck in the contest
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2010
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Thank you very much. It's a joy to know you liked this! It makes it all worthwhile! Thanks again!! susan
Comment from angelawhitelaw
Very moving. It almost made me cry. Great job bringing the real to life. Writers are sensitive by nature and things like this are often hard. You did great with it.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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Very moving. It almost made me cry. Great job bringing the real to life. Writers are sensitive by nature and things like this are often hard. You did great with it.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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Hello Angela! Thank you! I am thrilled to know you liked this, I am thinking of continuing it, and your review is helpful in this decision? Thank you so much again. Susan
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It's clearly a subject you feel very strongly about and I always encourage that. It's good work. Tweak it and keep trying. Writers are a lot of things but we hate to give up.
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") Thank you Angela. You are very kind, and most helpful. It's great to hear from you!! Happy writing to you!! :) Susan
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
This is a very good beginning of a book, and one I would read if you continue it. It does need some work, though, and here are my suggestions.
And[,] as one life left the world, another came to be.
She lay exhausted[,] and her little daughter cried[] with strong, and very healthy lungs.
Life was hard[ and] energy was spent on work and survival, so Lillian Brushy's first day eased by, quietly and with an uneventful entry into the world. She and her mother slept soundly[] while the crickets sang them a lullaby.
That summer fell upon the region[] soft and warm, not hot and humid as had been the norm for so many years before.
Little Lilly's disposition grew famous in the neighborhood[] as all the other mothers and children loved to look after her. She was like an angel, with blonde curls that grew quickly and[,] by her first birthday, she had a
the children of Henry and Mary Louise[] played all day, laying the area bare and void of any grass that may have chanced to try and grow there. The sounds of laughter, and[,] too, the arguments between[among; between involves only two people] the five children, were Mrs.
As she hung the last pair of dungarees, a small voice spoke softly, "Mama?" [ delete and A]t the bottom of the step, Lilly was sitting[sat], gently cradling a newborn kitten in her hands. She looked up at her mother, tears rolling down her cheeks.
[Still Lilly speaking so back this up and add it to previous paragraph]"Dead? Mama, kitty dead?"
It wasn't strong enough[,] I reckon."
They were supposed to be hoeing the tomato's[] but had lapsed
"What happened[,] Mama?"
"Okay[,] Mama."
It was almost dark[] when lanterns appeared down the lane.
"Come on[,] you kids!
She stepped down off the porch[,] and it was then that she saw the pine box in the back of the buckboard, with Red tied to the side of it, his saddle empty.
Mary Louise Brushy fell to the hard dirt[] as her children
Roberta
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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This is a very good beginning of a book, and one I would read if you continue it. It does need some work, though, and here are my suggestions.
And[,] as one life left the world, another came to be.
She lay exhausted[,] and her little daughter cried[] with strong, and very healthy lungs.
Life was hard[ and] energy was spent on work and survival, so Lillian Brushy's first day eased by, quietly and with an uneventful entry into the world. She and her mother slept soundly[] while the crickets sang them a lullaby.
That summer fell upon the region[] soft and warm, not hot and humid as had been the norm for so many years before.
Little Lilly's disposition grew famous in the neighborhood[] as all the other mothers and children loved to look after her. She was like an angel, with blonde curls that grew quickly and[,] by her first birthday, she had a
the children of Henry and Mary Louise[] played all day, laying the area bare and void of any grass that may have chanced to try and grow there. The sounds of laughter, and[,] too, the arguments between[among; between involves only two people] the five children, were Mrs.
As she hung the last pair of dungarees, a small voice spoke softly, "Mama?" [ delete and A]t the bottom of the step, Lilly was sitting[sat], gently cradling a newborn kitten in her hands. She looked up at her mother, tears rolling down her cheeks.
[Still Lilly speaking so back this up and add it to previous paragraph]"Dead? Mama, kitty dead?"
It wasn't strong enough[,] I reckon."
They were supposed to be hoeing the tomato's[] but had lapsed
"What happened[,] Mama?"
"Okay[,] Mama."
It was almost dark[] when lanterns appeared down the lane.
"Come on[,] you kids!
She stepped down off the porch[,] and it was then that she saw the pine box in the back of the buckboard, with Red tied to the side of it, his saddle empty.
Mary Louise Brushy fell to the hard dirt[] as her children
Roberta
Comment Written 06-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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Hi Roberta, thank you very much. I will jot these things down and work on it tomorrow? I really do appreciate this help and your time for me. I would like to write the book, but the technical things are a stumbling block. Thank you again Roberta. Susan
Comment from Bulfornite
i love it and i love the idea you made the story so cats can talk its very creative and i love cats and the story was just great i realy enjoyed it :)
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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i love it and i love the idea you made the story so cats can talk its very creative and i love cats and the story was just great i realy enjoyed it :)
Comment Written 06-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2010
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hi there! I am so happy to meet a fellow cat lover. And thank you for this kind and welcome review. Susan
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your welcome, cats are loverly, i really love when they like brush past and give me some tingling feeling if you know what i mean :) thanks for writing on my wall :)
Comment from Kingsland
Being a cat lover, I enjoyed this story very much and could relate to it really well. I have had such bad luck with owing cats and it is always so sad when you lose one. I found this short story to be well written with very good imagery. It was my pleasure to have read and written a review for... John
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2010
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Being a cat lover, I enjoyed this story very much and could relate to it really well. I have had such bad luck with owing cats and it is always so sad when you lose one. I found this short story to be well written with very good imagery. It was my pleasure to have read and written a review for... John
Comment Written 05-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2010
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hi John! Thank you! I am thrilled you liked this. And I hope you will get another sweet cat someday. Mine is a window lover, and for a few days she slept in my bedroom window. Then it got hot again, and I had to shut it, and she jumped up to lay in it, and banged her face good, now she is afraid to come in the room at all. I am trying to coax and let her know it'a okay, but she is adament. It had to have hurt for her to be so afraid. Animals can cause such consternation. But worth it I guess. It's nice to hear from you John. Susan
Comment from eliz100
You have done a great job on the first page of your novel. Easing birth and death into your story in a smooth, folksy manner. I would want to keep reading.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2010
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You have done a great job on the first page of your novel. Easing birth and death into your story in a smooth, folksy manner. I would want to keep reading.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2010
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Hi Eliz! Thank you so much, I would like to make this into a book, I would have lots of research to do. I thank you and if I get this going, I hope you will stay with me on it? Happy writing to you!! Susan
