Compassion Must Be Eradicated
Our survival depends on it21 total reviews
Comment from seewhatimwritingnow
LOL- Down with compassion! Laughed my head off reading this. So well written, and thatnk God it's the opposite of what you REALLY believe! Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2010
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LOL- Down with compassion! Laughed my head off reading this. So well written, and thatnk God it's the opposite of what you REALLY believe! Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2010
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Thanks so much for the very kind review and comments. It is the absolute polar opposite of my real views. Thanks for reading. Bill
Comment from bowls
Very clever. Unfortunately, I think there are some who would espouse this very theory seriously. You bring in a variety of arguments and also include statistics, whether real or manufactured. Your essay is well organized and your prose style is direct and to the point. Well done.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2010
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Very clever. Unfortunately, I think there are some who would espouse this very theory seriously. You bring in a variety of arguments and also include statistics, whether real or manufactured. Your essay is well organized and your prose style is direct and to the point. Well done.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2010
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Thanks so much for the kind words and review. You are absolutely right about some people seriously believing such absurdity, which is exactly why I wrote this. We can only hope the rational ones out there, outnumber the others. Thanks again.
Comment from Changeisgood
Oh my, do I recognize the mantra. YOu hear it one way or another every day. Insidious. But your essay meets all the requirements and you've done a really good job of hiding your own views. I'm having some trouble in that area.
Yes, this in similiar forms has been the driving force of the "trickle down" policy, so it's very famliar to me. You sound like of them. Excellent disguise.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2010
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Oh my, do I recognize the mantra. YOu hear it one way or another every day. Insidious. But your essay meets all the requirements and you've done a really good job of hiding your own views. I'm having some trouble in that area.
Yes, this in similiar forms has been the driving force of the "trickle down" policy, so it's very famliar to me. You sound like of them. Excellent disguise.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2010
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Thank you very much for the kind review. I know what you mean about hearing the mantra every day. As for the trickle down theory, as I said in a piece I wrote a few years back, for anyone that believes such economic mumbo jumbo, I have some swamp land I'd like to sell them. Thanks again for reading and reviewing.
Comment from ulster3
Hello Bananafish.
It is a pleasure to read your work again. This satire makes me think of Jonathon Swift's A Modest Proposal. LOL. If you haven't read that one, you should. I believe you have met the criteria with a great piece of writing. I wish all good for you in the contest. I see no corrections.
Fondly, Rebecca
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2010
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Hello Bananafish.
It is a pleasure to read your work again. This satire makes me think of Jonathon Swift's A Modest Proposal. LOL. If you haven't read that one, you should. I believe you have met the criteria with a great piece of writing. I wish all good for you in the contest. I see no corrections.
Fondly, Rebecca
Comment Written 01-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2010
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Hi Rebecca, so nice to hear from you. Thanks so much for the wonderful review and very kind words. I am familar with a Modest Proposal and I believe that was the inspiration for the contest. Thanks again for the encouragement. Regards, Bill
P.S. Just read "...Wine & Marijuana. Loved it. Will review shortly.
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Thanks Bill.
Comment from highlander104
I love political satire and this one tickled my funny bone. Addressing touchy issues that could get you tarred and feathered, you make convincing arguments for social and corporate welfare reform. Some of our members might even believe you.
Good luck in the contest.
Jean K.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2010
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I love political satire and this one tickled my funny bone. Addressing touchy issues that could get you tarred and feathered, you make convincing arguments for social and corporate welfare reform. Some of our members might even believe you.
Good luck in the contest.
Jean K.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2010
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Jean K, thank you very for your very kind review and your pertinent comments. Bill
Comment from anabelle
Really good satirical essay. I loved it. The idea of corporate profiteering needing help from the lower and middle classes is, indeed, more than ridiculous.
Best of luck in the contest. Great entry.
Regars, anabele
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2010
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Really good satirical essay. I loved it. The idea of corporate profiteering needing help from the lower and middle classes is, indeed, more than ridiculous.
Best of luck in the contest. Great entry.
Regars, anabele
Comment Written 01-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2010
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Anabelle, thanks so much for the very kind review and comments. Good luck in the contest, Bill
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Thanks, and you're welcome.
Comment from adewpearl
Hey, I have missed you - how great to see you're posting again :-)
those who toil everyday to feed - every day
consists of taxpayer's dollars - taxpayers' - since plural possessive
This is so witty - the sad thing is that I read stuff on this site that sounds quite like the reasoning you use in your satiric essay, only they actually MEAN IT. :-( Your satire is spot on, hitting its high point when you discuss the ration of social welfare to corporate welfare. You never break character, which some of these essays do as the writer fears people will misunderstand him if he doesn't disclaim his words. Well-written, spot on. :-D Brooke
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2010
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Hey, I have missed you - how great to see you're posting again :-)
those who toil everyday to feed - every day
consists of taxpayer's dollars - taxpayers' - since plural possessive
This is so witty - the sad thing is that I read stuff on this site that sounds quite like the reasoning you use in your satiric essay, only they actually MEAN IT. :-( Your satire is spot on, hitting its high point when you discuss the ration of social welfare to corporate welfare. You never break character, which some of these essays do as the writer fears people will misunderstand him if he doesn't disclaim his words. Well-written, spot on. :-D Brooke
Comment Written 01-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2010
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Hi Brooke, nice to hear from you. Thanks so much for the six star review and extremely kind comments - I am truly flattered and honored. Thanks also for pointing out the spag - I have corrected, accordingly. I know what you mean, I have also read similar pieces on this site, in which the writer is serious. Thanks again for the review. Regards, Bill
Comment from Jenniferhsrn
Take an idea that you consider to be ridiculously wrong. It may be immoral, outrageous, or just stupid and ineffective. It may be, for example, an existing governmental policy, or it may be something you've completely made up. Write an essay taking the side opposite to your view
Since that is the purpose, now I understand the subject. That said, this is an essay, and as such it should have a form. Since you conclude with
We, as a nation, need to to take a stand once and for all, and not allow ourselves to be manipulated by the evil agendas of the compassionate elements in our country. We must defend the hallowed value of corporate profiteering, which made this country great. If we fail to heed the obvious warning signs, we risk suffering the same fate as other great nations throughout history, who brought about their own demise by succumbing to the seduction of compassion.
This must be where you introduce your "thesis" but you don't really, and that's the problem.
Take a look at our own country, for instance. As a compassionate society, we waste many millions of dollars a year on social programs to help those too lazy to help themselves. We the taxpayers are held hostage by a small, but powerful segment of our population known as "compassionate socialists." Their strategy is to propagate the myth that child hunger in the United States is at at a record high, in order to exploit the collective guilt of our society and extort ever more money from us.
1. It's the third paragraph. (I am stating your first sentence, meant to get attention is a paragraph)
2. there is no organization to how you approach your arguments in subsequent paragraphs and you don't have a thesis statement
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2010
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Take an idea that you consider to be ridiculously wrong. It may be immoral, outrageous, or just stupid and ineffective. It may be, for example, an existing governmental policy, or it may be something you've completely made up. Write an essay taking the side opposite to your view
Since that is the purpose, now I understand the subject. That said, this is an essay, and as such it should have a form. Since you conclude with
We, as a nation, need to to take a stand once and for all, and not allow ourselves to be manipulated by the evil agendas of the compassionate elements in our country. We must defend the hallowed value of corporate profiteering, which made this country great. If we fail to heed the obvious warning signs, we risk suffering the same fate as other great nations throughout history, who brought about their own demise by succumbing to the seduction of compassion.
This must be where you introduce your "thesis" but you don't really, and that's the problem.
Take a look at our own country, for instance. As a compassionate society, we waste many millions of dollars a year on social programs to help those too lazy to help themselves. We the taxpayers are held hostage by a small, but powerful segment of our population known as "compassionate socialists." Their strategy is to propagate the myth that child hunger in the United States is at at a record high, in order to exploit the collective guilt of our society and extort ever more money from us.
1. It's the third paragraph. (I am stating your first sentence, meant to get attention is a paragraph)
2. there is no organization to how you approach your arguments in subsequent paragraphs and you don't have a thesis statement
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2010
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Thanks for the review.
Comment from Colin Douglas
Oh, this is awesome! I was almost convinced. ;) This is exactly the type of thing I was looking for in this contest.
You make solid arguments which are as logical as possible and work to convince people that you actually believe this. Great job.
Keep writing, and good luck in the contest,
Colin
A few minor suggestions:
"Their strategy is to propagate the myth that child hunger [statistics] in the United States [are at record highs...]" Remove "statistics" and change to "is at a record high.
"Natural Selection was a built in..." built-in
"The self-evident answer: THE PARENTS." Make this a complete sentence. E.g. "The answer is self-evident:" And no need for all caps on "the parents."
"Why should those who toil everyday to feed and clothe their own children, be forced to do the same for children that are not their own, so those parents can sit home all day smoking pot and watching soap operas?" Better as two or three sentences.
"...corporate welfare is [a] integral..." an
"...tax payer dollars..." payer's
"...which are [at] the minimum that a viable capitalistic society needs to maintain."
"...that corporate executives [have come to so deservingly expect.]" Try "...that corporate executives deserve." for a sharper effect.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2010
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Oh, this is awesome! I was almost convinced. ;) This is exactly the type of thing I was looking for in this contest.
You make solid arguments which are as logical as possible and work to convince people that you actually believe this. Great job.
Keep writing, and good luck in the contest,
Colin
A few minor suggestions:
"Their strategy is to propagate the myth that child hunger [statistics] in the United States [are at record highs...]" Remove "statistics" and change to "is at a record high.
"Natural Selection was a built in..." built-in
"The self-evident answer: THE PARENTS." Make this a complete sentence. E.g. "The answer is self-evident:" And no need for all caps on "the parents."
"Why should those who toil everyday to feed and clothe their own children, be forced to do the same for children that are not their own, so those parents can sit home all day smoking pot and watching soap operas?" Better as two or three sentences.
"...corporate welfare is [a] integral..." an
"...tax payer dollars..." payer's
"...which are [at] the minimum that a viable capitalistic society needs to maintain."
"...that corporate executives [have come to so deservingly expect.]" Try "...that corporate executives deserve." for a sharper effect.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2010
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Thank you very much for the kind review and comments. Thanks also for the helpful suggestions - I have implemented them, accordingly. Great idea for a contest - I had a lot of fun writing this. Good luck in the contest. Bill
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Thank you. I actually started this contest without having any idea what I would write. It just seemed like a fun challenge. I think I know my topic now, but I still have to get busy on it. :)
Comment from Scornwell
A well written piece of satire. I hadn't read the header but halfway through I realized this had to be a satirical piece, though I did scroll up to make sure. Something like this can be very inflammatory to someone who doesn't know it is satire. Was it Robert Frost who got in so much trouble for writing a satirical article suggesting the poor of Ireland be allowed to eat their children?
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2010
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A well written piece of satire. I hadn't read the header but halfway through I realized this had to be a satirical piece, though I did scroll up to make sure. Something like this can be very inflammatory to someone who doesn't know it is satire. Was it Robert Frost who got in so much trouble for writing a satirical article suggesting the poor of Ireland be allowed to eat their children?
Comment Written 01-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2010
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Thanks so much for the kind review. I think it might have been Jonathan Swift who wrote the piece about eating children in Ireland. Thanks again for the review. Bill
