The Temptation
ancient forces at work46 total reviews
Comment from lola29
Poor succubus, she's always labeled the evil one. What about the one who fantasizes about her and wants to control her? Where does the real strength lie?
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
  |
Poor succubus, she's always labeled the evil one. What about the one who fantasizes about her and wants to control her? Where does the real strength lie?
Comment Written 06-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
-
What if I were to reverse the situation? Say, Mr. Studubus. Standing right there in all his majesty, luring women to their ectsatic deaths? Then you would feel sorry for Mr. Studubus? Or Dracula? The "Swoon" compensates for death? No, my lady, the vampire, the succubus, and even the "backadabus" all have their own peril, c'est non?
-
My spology.
Comment from almajac
This flows well.
My favorite lines-
How many?
How many have felt the final
ecstasy through your lips?
Their muted cries fading
as Eternity's bell.
Divine is spelled with an i, not an e.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-May-2011
 |
This flows well.
My favorite lines-
How many?
How many have felt the final
ecstasy through your lips?
Their muted cries fading
as Eternity's bell.
Divine is spelled with an i, not an e.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2011
-
Thank you.
Comment from bhogg
Hi Victor - for some reason, your work is posted under stories. Certainly a poem. Once I started reading, I immediately became sucked in (so to speak). A sensual poem, well written and fun to review. It did not post real well into FS, tended to wander over the page, but that did not detract from the read.
reply by the author on 06-May-2011
|
Hi Victor - for some reason, your work is posted under stories. Certainly a poem. Once I started reading, I immediately became sucked in (so to speak). A sensual poem, well written and fun to review. It did not post real well into FS, tended to wander over the page, but that did not detract from the read.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2011
-
LOL. Thank you Bill.
Comment from daniela.albu
This is an original portrait of the female succubus in which you make great use of stunning metaphors:
"Vanity is thy name.
Like a turtle egg crushed
in the jaws of its hunter,
the snake. "
Sex is viewed like a struggle for power and domination, the carnal lust is absorbing everything and it becomes the very essence of earthly souls. The two characters engaged in the game of passion are more fighters for dominions than lovers. Voracity for absorbing the other is depicted in powerful words. The poem proudly ends with the "victim's" winning attitude, and a spice of humor.
reply by the author on 06-May-2011
|
This is an original portrait of the female succubus in which you make great use of stunning metaphors:
"Vanity is thy name.
Like a turtle egg crushed
in the jaws of its hunter,
the snake. "
Sex is viewed like a struggle for power and domination, the carnal lust is absorbing everything and it becomes the very essence of earthly souls. The two characters engaged in the game of passion are more fighters for dominions than lovers. Voracity for absorbing the other is depicted in powerful words. The poem proudly ends with the "victim's" winning attitude, and a spice of humor.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2011
-
Correctamundo my Daniela. Thank you.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi victortouche,
Ah, the Succubus, that wonderfully imaginative invention of the monastics to explain their erotic dreams...
Wonderful imagery in your free verse here. The Evil Eddy seems to have destroyed your original formatting though, perhaps because it seems to have been posted as prose rather than poetry. Never mind, amusing, great imagery and a fun ending.
A salute to Count Viktor von Doom!
Patrick
reply by the author on 06-May-2011
|
Hi victortouche,
Ah, the Succubus, that wonderfully imaginative invention of the monastics to explain their erotic dreams...
Wonderful imagery in your free verse here. The Evil Eddy seems to have destroyed your original formatting though, perhaps because it seems to have been posted as prose rather than poetry. Never mind, amusing, great imagery and a fun ending.
A salute to Count Viktor von Doom!
Patrick
Comment Written 06-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2011
-
Herr Patrick, Sehr gut.
Comment from Colin Douglas
Oh, this is ridiculously good. It is angry and energetic and sensual and reads rapidly.
Only a short way through I was compelled to read it aloud.
Keep writing.
Colin
reply by the author on 06-May-2011
 |
Oh, this is ridiculously good. It is angry and energetic and sensual and reads rapidly.
Only a short way through I was compelled to read it aloud.
Keep writing.
Colin
Comment Written 06-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2011
-
Ah Colin, you can review me anytime.
Comment from Isaiah Ramesses
Well crafted presentation, Victor. Your delivered this with a strong touch of Sado-masochism. Well narrated piece.
Isaiah Ramesses
reply by the author on 06-May-2011
|
Well crafted presentation, Victor. Your delivered this with a strong touch of Sado-masochism. Well narrated piece.
Isaiah Ramesses
Comment Written 06-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2011
-
Thank you once again Isaiah.
Comment from prophetess
Lol, the most beautiful description of a BJ I've ever heard Victor. I love the flow of this poem, it's smooth, and sensual, with a bit of dark humor. This style suits you my friend. :-)
Prophetess
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
|
Lol, the most beautiful description of a BJ I've ever heard Victor. I love the flow of this poem, it's smooth, and sensual, with a bit of dark humor. This style suits you my friend. :-)
Prophetess
Comment Written 05-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
-
I'm blushing.
-
Yeah Right!!! Lol.
Comment from R. K. Alan
Scintillatingly evil this Victor os yours. The imagery is powerful and sucked me in to the story. I have to admit however, I had to read through it twice to capture it.
BTW... you are no imposition on this Earth when it comes to your writing.
reply by the author on 06-May-2011
|
Scintillatingly evil this Victor os yours. The imagery is powerful and sucked me in to the story. I have to admit however, I had to read through it twice to capture it.
BTW... you are no imposition on this Earth when it comes to your writing.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2011
-
Thank you very much, Ray.
Comment from c_lucas
Your "succubus" definition is a little bit too narrow. This is very well written with very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
reply by the author on 06-May-2011
|
Your "succubus" definition is a little bit too narrow. This is very well written with very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2011
-
Thanks Charlie.
-
You're welcome, Victor. Charlie
