Virge And the Yellow Jacket War
A Boy's Life in the South - See Author Notes37 total reviews
Comment from JW
Cute story. It goes to show what happens when youth are not willing to listen to their experienced elders. Your story was well written, however, I would recommend one small change: In the line "Virge looked at me and replied, "Yea, I do." I would change the Yea to Yeah.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
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Cute story. It goes to show what happens when youth are not willing to listen to their experienced elders. Your story was well written, however, I would recommend one small change: In the line "Virge looked at me and replied, "Yea, I do." I would change the Yea to Yeah.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
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Thanks for reading Jonathon. Really thought I had made that change, but the editing gremlin bit me again!
Comment from RebelRose
breath ... breathe (That's the only nit I saw).
I never thought about the philosophy of not crying about things that hurt on the outside but it being okay to cry about things that hurt on the inside. Something to think about. Very good story.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
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breath ... breathe (That's the only nit I saw).
I never thought about the philosophy of not crying about things that hurt on the outside but it being okay to cry about things that hurt on the inside. Something to think about. Very good story.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
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Thanks R2 - I'll circle back and correct the breathe. Doesn't matter how many times you read your own work, those nits just keep on keeping on! Regards, Bill
Comment from dmoncrief
A very entertaining story. I enjoy your stories from the south so much. You've described the scene and your characters very well. I think I'll backtrack and read the first two stories in this series one day soon. Keep them coming.
Denise
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
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A very entertaining story. I enjoy your stories from the south so much. You've described the scene and your characters very well. I think I'll backtrack and read the first two stories in this series one day soon. Keep them coming.
Denise
Comment Written 05-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
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Thanks Denise - I'm glad that your read and enjoyed and appreciate your kind words!
Comment from patwannabe
Bill, this is great. I love it. What a blessing to have someone like Virge to grow with.
I found two spots that could use a bit o'fixin'.
"...pulled the bugs off the TOMATOES..."
As a nine year old boy in West Central Georgia (no comma) in the 1950's...
My favorite readings are from actual childhood stories. Keep 'em coming. pat
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
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Bill, this is great. I love it. What a blessing to have someone like Virge to grow with.
I found two spots that could use a bit o'fixin'.
"...pulled the bugs off the TOMATOES..."
As a nine year old boy in West Central Georgia (no comma) in the 1950's...
My favorite readings are from actual childhood stories. Keep 'em coming. pat
Comment Written 05-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
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Hi Pat - thanks for reading and for your feedback. I would have sworn that I fixed tomatoes ... that darn editor!
Comment from Sally Carter
I've got to say, Bill, you win my heart with this story, even before I have got past the introductory paragraph. How truly wonderful to have such a friendship between two folks of 6 and 92 years. I am touched before I even begin. Anyway here I go. Back in a minute...
Well I loved it, perhaps even more than the preceding tales.
You have a most wonderful gift for drawing your reader straight in beside you. I can hear the voices, see the faces, feel the emotions.
I love your gentle description of Miss Carrie's derriere! How kind you are.
I am not familiar with yellow jackets, though it is clear from the narrative and the illustration what they are. They sound nasty!
What a very perceptive little boy you must have been. And how sweet for Virge to pretend he had something in his eye and then quickly change the subject.
Wonderful depiction of the scene between your brother and Virge. Typical smart ass kid! Also the scene when it blew.
Terrific ending, tying back to the original dialogue about crying.
I hope you don't mind me mentioning the exploding with a WHANK. In the UK that word (albeit with a different spelling) has a rather different meaning to that intended here. Don't know if it is the same in the States. In case this story were ever to be read aloud, it might be worth considering another onomatopeic (never know how to spell it) word there.
Apart from that tiny observation, a terrific story, all the more so because it is true. Loved it.
Sally
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
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I've got to say, Bill, you win my heart with this story, even before I have got past the introductory paragraph. How truly wonderful to have such a friendship between two folks of 6 and 92 years. I am touched before I even begin. Anyway here I go. Back in a minute...
Well I loved it, perhaps even more than the preceding tales.
You have a most wonderful gift for drawing your reader straight in beside you. I can hear the voices, see the faces, feel the emotions.
I love your gentle description of Miss Carrie's derriere! How kind you are.
I am not familiar with yellow jackets, though it is clear from the narrative and the illustration what they are. They sound nasty!
What a very perceptive little boy you must have been. And how sweet for Virge to pretend he had something in his eye and then quickly change the subject.
Wonderful depiction of the scene between your brother and Virge. Typical smart ass kid! Also the scene when it blew.
Terrific ending, tying back to the original dialogue about crying.
I hope you don't mind me mentioning the exploding with a WHANK. In the UK that word (albeit with a different spelling) has a rather different meaning to that intended here. Don't know if it is the same in the States. In case this story were ever to be read aloud, it might be worth considering another onomatopeic (never know how to spell it) word there.
Apart from that tiny observation, a terrific story, all the more so because it is true. Loved it.
Sally
Comment Written 05-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
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Thanks Sally! your review and comments brought a big smile to my face. I think I'm familiar with the UK Whank, so maybe should change to Crrrrump! The sound was whank though! LOL Bill
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Haha, yes! I think CRRRUUMP would raise fewer eyebrows. LOL S
Comment from lola29
Bill, I love your stories. For some reason, this one reminded of the style of Harper Lee. There was a genuine sweetness flowing through this one, and I admire your self-assertiveness to befriend Virge.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
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Bill, I love your stories. For some reason, this one reminded of the style of Harper Lee. There was a genuine sweetness flowing through this one, and I admire your self-assertiveness to befriend Virge.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
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Harper Lee - what a compliment. To Kill a Mockingbird is my favorite book of all time! I've only read it about, oh .. 10 times. LOL Bill
Comment from rama devi
Charming and hilarious.
i LOVE how you tied the crying bit like a ribbon from the start to finish. Excellent observation about crying to heal the inside but not the outside- and when laughing too. LOL
The dialog and diction accentuate the characters and setting well.
What a marvelous closing! That crying bit is why I gave the extra star.
Thanks for sharing this interesting event. I am still chuckling at the image of the 95 year old Virge (on the verge)rolling on the ground laughing. ROTGL
Thanks for this fun write---it is flawless, and finished finely.
BRAVO
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
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Charming and hilarious.
i LOVE how you tied the crying bit like a ribbon from the start to finish. Excellent observation about crying to heal the inside but not the outside- and when laughing too. LOL
The dialog and diction accentuate the characters and setting well.
What a marvelous closing! That crying bit is why I gave the extra star.
Thanks for sharing this interesting event. I am still chuckling at the image of the 95 year old Virge (on the verge)rolling on the ground laughing. ROTGL
Thanks for this fun write---it is flawless, and finished finely.
BRAVO
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 05-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
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Thank you rd - you keep this up and you'll turn my head! LOL Bill
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:)
Comment from c_lucas
The young need to listen to the old. This is very well written with humerous overtones. There is very good humor and descriptive scheme.
Error.
that the pain went away." (delete quote)
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
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The young need to listen to the old. This is very well written with humerous overtones. There is very good humor and descriptive scheme.
Error.
that the pain went away." (delete quote)
Comment Written 05-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
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Thanks for reading Charlie. I'll circle back around to the extra ". The young do need to listen to the old. I'm 61 and I still do, but sometimes, I am the old!
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You're welcome, Bill. You are still a kid, jr.
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Thanks Charlie - I feel better already!
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You're welcome, Bill. Charlie
Comment from kath79
I love your stories about Virgil. You two sure got into some stuff, huh? I really hope there are more to come, that is to say I hope you and ol' Virge got into much more foolery so you're able to entertain us with the stories!
Brilliantly written, as usual. A great read.
Cheers, Kath.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
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I love your stories about Virgil. You two sure got into some stuff, huh? I really hope there are more to come, that is to say I hope you and ol' Virge got into much more foolery so you're able to entertain us with the stories!
Brilliantly written, as usual. A great read.
Cheers, Kath.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
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Thanks Kath - I started my day by reading your review. What a nice start! Regards, Bill
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi bhogg,
Certainly an amusing story and, at a guess, you all had quite a lucky escape. Petrol vapour explosions can be extremely powerful.
Didn't spot any spag, but I do have one suggestion for you -
As I came to the cabin, I noticed that Virge was piling some brush in front of the cabin. - I suggest - As I came to the cabin, I noticed that Virge was piling some brush in front of it. (Avoids repetition)
Patrick
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
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Hi bhogg,
Certainly an amusing story and, at a guess, you all had quite a lucky escape. Petrol vapour explosions can be extremely powerful.
Didn't spot any spag, but I do have one suggestion for you -
As I came to the cabin, I noticed that Virge was piling some brush in front of the cabin. - I suggest - As I came to the cabin, I noticed that Virge was piling some brush in front of it. (Avoids repetition)
Patrick
Comment Written 05-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2010
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Thanks for reading Patrick. I'll circle back around to that sentence. Regards, Bill
