A Titanic Tribute
the final reality122 total reviews
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi victortouche
Good poetic rendering of the death of the people as the ship descends. Lked the imagery it invokes and the overall message it gives.
Patrick
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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Hi victortouche
Good poetic rendering of the death of the people as the ship descends. Lked the imagery it invokes and the overall message it gives.
Patrick
Comment Written 21-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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Thank you Patrick.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form, good flow, good meter, a wonderful picture, an expression of no matter what your station in life, death comes to us all. my favorite part is about the feathers falling to the floor
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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this is very well written with good form, good flow, good meter, a wonderful picture, an expression of no matter what your station in life, death comes to us all. my favorite part is about the feathers falling to the floor
Comment Written 21-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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Thank you.
Comment from E.P. Thomas
Victor,
I liked the rhythm of this poem; however, many of your images are lost upon me. For example,
If "I" is the Titanic, then, "I sail into the wind." wd create a more coherent image.
To what does 'endless pain and woe' refer? Does it foreshadow the sinking?
Whale? Does that refer to the sea or the Titanic?
"Yonder vale" A vale is a valley, so I think you are referring to the ocean's depth or to the Valley of Death. One of those, I think.
Who is the 'you' implied in 'face your past'?
The sinking of a ship, especially one as large as the Titanic (46,000 GRT), is anything but peaceful. It certainly isn't an event similiar to drifting feathers. When a vessel made of steel and wood sinks, the noises are as varied as they are incredibly loud. Bulkheads twist apart, watertight compartments rupture, boilers explode, air hisses and blows up from submerged compartments,and then the ship implodes as its bow drives into the seabed, scouring a trench up to 20 feet deep.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2010
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Victor,
I liked the rhythm of this poem; however, many of your images are lost upon me. For example,
If "I" is the Titanic, then, "I sail into the wind." wd create a more coherent image.
To what does 'endless pain and woe' refer? Does it foreshadow the sinking?
Whale? Does that refer to the sea or the Titanic?
"Yonder vale" A vale is a valley, so I think you are referring to the ocean's depth or to the Valley of Death. One of those, I think.
Who is the 'you' implied in 'face your past'?
The sinking of a ship, especially one as large as the Titanic (46,000 GRT), is anything but peaceful. It certainly isn't an event similiar to drifting feathers. When a vessel made of steel and wood sinks, the noises are as varied as they are incredibly loud. Bulkheads twist apart, watertight compartments rupture, boilers explode, air hisses and blows up from submerged compartments,and then the ship implodes as its bow drives into the seabed, scouring a trench up to 20 feet deep.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2010
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U are completely correct about the sinking being anything but peaceful. Ur description is perfectly accurate. But this is a poem, not an account of history. Accurate or not. And I wanted to portray this attitude even though the man knows better. He denies, nay decries the heartless fates that rule his world. And so he makes for himself and fellow passengers a fate more preferred. The rendering of such is immaterial as is everything once the ship breaks in two. But, feeling so, it was extremely gracious of U to still award me five stars. U must be a good person at heart. Thank U.
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I never poorly rate something solely on the basis of whether I understand or agree with it. If I did, I wd be evlauating my own ignorance. Like I said, your poem had a lot of other good qualities. It was my confusion with the images that threww me.
Comment from jackpeg
Begins like a rant by Captain Ahab in "Moby Dick." But I don't think the average reader knows what you are trying to say. Lots of words mis-used and syntax garbled.
"Laugh while you repast," "Repast" is a noun, i.e. a meal. It is not used as a verb.
"Finality brings sought freedom." Do you mean "thought freedom?"
"Ah, I do believe,
our graves at last."
In this final pair of lines, there is no predicate. If you wrote, "I do believe our graves at last have been dug," the thought would be complete.
Some of the imagery is grandiose and lofty, but nothing ties it together. The picture is more of a liner than a whaler. But I'm not sure that is what you thought either.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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Begins like a rant by Captain Ahab in "Moby Dick." But I don't think the average reader knows what you are trying to say. Lots of words mis-used and syntax garbled.
"Laugh while you repast," "Repast" is a noun, i.e. a meal. It is not used as a verb.
"Finality brings sought freedom." Do you mean "thought freedom?"
"Ah, I do believe,
our graves at last."
In this final pair of lines, there is no predicate. If you wrote, "I do believe our graves at last have been dug," the thought would be complete.
Some of the imagery is grandiose and lofty, but nothing ties it together. The picture is more of a liner than a whaler. But I'm not sure that is what you thought either.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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OK thanks for reading.
Comment from Georgina Lenty
I love how you bring the images of "Moby Dick" into this! An easy, smooth read, and very daring! A great piece of writing here...
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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I love how you bring the images of "Moby Dick" into this! An easy, smooth read, and very daring! A great piece of writing here...
Comment Written 21-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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Thank you Georgina.
Comment from whizpurr ^-^
Hello Victor,
This is a great little poem that helps one to remember not only the great tragedy of the Titanic's sinking, but many other tragedies at sea. It would take great courage then to stand and await one's fate and it still does today.
Thanks for sharing these worthy thoughts in a worthy poem.
Cheers, W ^-^
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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Hello Victor,
This is a great little poem that helps one to remember not only the great tragedy of the Titanic's sinking, but many other tragedies at sea. It would take great courage then to stand and await one's fate and it still does today.
Thanks for sharing these worthy thoughts in a worthy poem.
Cheers, W ^-^
Comment Written 20-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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Thanks Whiz.
Comment from Beans
I had to read this several times to understand the significance of what I was reading. The first two times I just let the words wash over me. Then the third I actually read it, with understanding in mind. I read a critical essay about Edgar Allen Poe once, that basically said that one of the hardest things to do, is to write seemingly effortlessly; to let the words wash over the reader, without any effort on their part. What I love about your poem, is how, while it escapes trippingly along the tongue, without any hesitation there is lots of meaning in it. Thank you for this wonderful poem, you did wonders with it.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2010
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I had to read this several times to understand the significance of what I was reading. The first two times I just let the words wash over me. Then the third I actually read it, with understanding in mind. I read a critical essay about Edgar Allen Poe once, that basically said that one of the hardest things to do, is to write seemingly effortlessly; to let the words wash over the reader, without any effort on their part. What I love about your poem, is how, while it escapes trippingly along the tongue, without any hesitation there is lots of meaning in it. Thank you for this wonderful poem, you did wonders with it.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2010
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Do U mind if I take this review around with me everywhere I go?
Comment from Brisnandon
This poem was not about what I thought it was going to be about. I like the metaphor you have woven between the Titanic and the life of an individual, and also how you have included lessons you have learned on your voyage.
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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This poem was not about what I thought it was going to be about. I like the metaphor you have woven between the Titanic and the life of an individual, and also how you have included lessons you have learned on your voyage.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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Thank you sir.
Comment from Pili Pubul
Very well written poem in excellent style. To face the reality of unavoidable death with courage and acceptance is a blessing.
And when the descent does come,
we'll gently drift and wander.
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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Very well written poem in excellent style. To face the reality of unavoidable death with courage and acceptance is a blessing.
And when the descent does come,
we'll gently drift and wander.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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Thank you Pili.Hope all is ok.
Comment from FredCollingwood
That's one way to go--accpet one's fate and smile as the ship goes down. Or, write your own script. You might not get it, but you'll come a lot closer . Very interesting poem.
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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That's one way to go--accpet one's fate and smile as the ship goes down. Or, write your own script. You might not get it, but you'll come a lot closer . Very interesting poem.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 29-May-2011
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Thank you very much Mr. Collingwood.
