The Starting Point
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "The six change"A lonely Call Girl
9 total reviews
Comment from Ponder
Hi WeirdGrace,
Certainly an enigmatic and interesting ending.
I think this is a great story and will be turned into something even better in yoursecond draft. I enjoyed reading this imaginative and creative tale.
Jules
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2010
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Hi WeirdGrace,
Certainly an enigmatic and interesting ending.
I think this is a great story and will be turned into something even better in yoursecond draft. I enjoyed reading this imaginative and creative tale.
Jules
Comment Written 18-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2010
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thank you, I am so far behind in posting, will do after reading thanks
Comment from Tellis
You have an excellent story line here and it just needs to be expanded a lot more. I enjoyed reading this excellent chapter.
Tellis
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2010
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You have an excellent story line here and it just needs to be expanded a lot more. I enjoyed reading this excellent chapter.
Tellis
Comment Written 18-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2010
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thank you so much
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Okay. It seems 6 children disappear exactly the same time, clothes remain and with the modern computer systems and the FBI would notice the similarities.
All their clothes were there, even the ones that had been removed the night before, all just vanished. (reads choppy.)
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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Okay. It seems 6 children disappear exactly the same time, clothes remain and with the modern computer systems and the FBI would notice the similarities.
All their clothes were there, even the ones that had been removed the night before, all just vanished. (reads choppy.)
Comment Written 16-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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so they should, later on a story will add to this, but had to end this quickly do my my health, and wanted to finsish others, thank you
Comment from Connie P
Excellent chapter Grace. You will have to forgive me for being so far behind in reviewing. I'm doing my best to catch up. I enjoyed this and hope you have the next segment posted by now. I want to know more about the six notable figures.
Connie
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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Excellent chapter Grace. You will have to forgive me for being so far behind in reviewing. I'm doing my best to catch up. I enjoyed this and hope you have the next segment posted by now. I want to know more about the six notable figures.
Connie
Comment Written 16-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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thank you my friend it is fine,
Comment from Readywriter52
The man has introduced himself as their father. He told them they were on earth for a purpose. The purpose was to educate people on earth. In a year, they all disappear and take their place to educate earth. The story seemed hurried in places. Perhaps you can expand on each child in order to give the reader a better understanding of each child and how she/he contributed to helping earth.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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The man has introduced himself as their father. He told them they were on earth for a purpose. The purpose was to educate people on earth. In a year, they all disappear and take their place to educate earth. The story seemed hurried in places. Perhaps you can expand on each child in order to give the reader a better understanding of each child and how she/he contributed to helping earth.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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thank you so much
Comment from Soledadpaz
"The father came and clasp(ed)". "You will be able to meet in person" (but you wont be so much peas in a pod, as you are now).
You always have such interesting story lines. I love how the pictures disppeared too so no one could identify them exactly.
Only one question: Why all men, why no women?
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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"The father came and clasp(ed)". "You will be able to meet in person" (but you wont be so much peas in a pod, as you are now).
You always have such interesting story lines. I love how the pictures disppeared too so no one could identify them exactly.
Only one question: Why all men, why no women?
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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thank you so much for your help
Comment from samandlancelot
I felt you covered a lot of different scenes that could have been developed more fully to give me a better picture of your characters' personalities. Of course, I haven't been following your story, so that could be part of it.
"Don't any of you be afraid, (change comma to semicolon) I want all of you together so we can talk?" (change ? to period)
their body was (bodies were) sleeping peacefully in bed below them.
The father came and clasp (clasped) one after another in his arms. He said their name, (names) and told them how proud he was of each one. (of them)
meet in person as you won't be a like (alike) as
Therefore, there were no pictures to give the police (comma) just their descriptions (comma) and (those) descriptions were vague.
others from this far away planet (add comma) and the earth plane will advance once more.
Patricia
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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I felt you covered a lot of different scenes that could have been developed more fully to give me a better picture of your characters' personalities. Of course, I haven't been following your story, so that could be part of it.
"Don't any of you be afraid, (change comma to semicolon) I want all of you together so we can talk?" (change ? to period)
their body was (bodies were) sleeping peacefully in bed below them.
The father came and clasp (clasped) one after another in his arms. He said their name, (names) and told them how proud he was of each one. (of them)
meet in person as you won't be a like (alike) as
Therefore, there were no pictures to give the police (comma) just their descriptions (comma) and (those) descriptions were vague.
others from this far away planet (add comma) and the earth plane will advance once more.
Patricia
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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thank you so much
Comment from dportwood
wierdgrace,
Congratulations for taking the time and putting in the effort to write these stories.
I did notice these you may wish to edit:
came and clasp one after
came and clasped one after
won't be a like as peas in a pod
won't be alike as peas in a pod
Police, detectives were notified
Police detectives were notified
Duane
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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wierdgrace,
Congratulations for taking the time and putting in the effort to write these stories.
I did notice these you may wish to edit:
came and clasp one after
came and clasped one after
won't be a like as peas in a pod
won't be alike as peas in a pod
Police, detectives were notified
Police detectives were notified
Duane
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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thank you my friend
Comment from anabelle
So it's the six teenagers that have changed planes and not the rest of the people who were missing?
Interesting way to put the sessions. Very effective.
Thanks for the good read.
Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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So it's the six teenagers that have changed planes and not the rest of the people who were missing?
Interesting way to put the sessions. Very effective.
Thanks for the good read.
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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you will see
