Internet Affair
Two people met over the Internet.140 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
The problem with a deceptive abuser is you don't know til you know. I worked for 30+ years as an advocate. We always said, meet in a public place, have a friend close by. Have him leave before you.
Abusers can wait a long time. We've had abusers wait for 2 years. Others are beaten on their honeymoon. This was a good topic.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
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The problem with a deceptive abuser is you don't know til you know. I worked for 30+ years as an advocate. We always said, meet in a public place, have a friend close by. Have him leave before you.
Abusers can wait a long time. We've had abusers wait for 2 years. Others are beaten on their honeymoon. This was a good topic.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2023
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WOW!! You went back aways. I'd forgotten all about this short story. Thank you for reading and reviewing it.
Comment from Nicnac
A great build up of tension and anxiety. It caused me to read faster. LOL
I love the internal dialogue. It gives credibility to the character. She is, after all, joining a man she hasn't actually met in person. Of course she will have doubts and begin second guessing herself.
Suggestions:
she mumbled(,) adjusting the single strand
Her breathing become (became) less shallow
Jacob's downstairs waiting in the restaurant. (Jacob's waiting downstairs)
I look forward to meeting Jacob. I hope he isn't some nasty toothless, creepy old man! haha You never know with those online relationships. ;)
Nic
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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A great build up of tension and anxiety. It caused me to read faster. LOL
I love the internal dialogue. It gives credibility to the character. She is, after all, joining a man she hasn't actually met in person. Of course she will have doubts and begin second guessing herself.
Suggestions:
she mumbled(,) adjusting the single strand
Her breathing become (became) less shallow
Jacob's downstairs waiting in the restaurant. (Jacob's waiting downstairs)
I look forward to meeting Jacob. I hope he isn't some nasty toothless, creepy old man! haha You never know with those online relationships. ;)
Nic
Comment Written 10-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2010
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Thank you for reviewing this. I will make the corrections.
Comment from jclark
I like the way you move the story along and at the same time you are able to create believeable characters. I bonded immediately with Laila and her quirky personality. Your physical description of her was very vivid; right down to her lip biting. Fun to read and leaves (the reader)wanting more.
Judy
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2010
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I like the way you move the story along and at the same time you are able to create believeable characters. I bonded immediately with Laila and her quirky personality. Your physical description of her was very vivid; right down to her lip biting. Fun to read and leaves (the reader)wanting more.
Judy
Comment Written 23-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I am sorry you didn't get to read it when it paid you for reading.
Comment from shygirl21
I really loved the first part of this story! You laid the groundwork perfectly, giving the reader a clear image of Laila's uncertainty and nerves.
I really liked her internal dialogue - one of my biggest pet peeves about romances is the heroine NEVER seems to doubt herself or gets an attack of nerves! I remember my first kiss with my husband, I was so nervous I almost didn't want him to kiss me lol.
Moving straight on to part 2 :)
Pamela
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2010
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I really loved the first part of this story! You laid the groundwork perfectly, giving the reader a clear image of Laila's uncertainty and nerves.
I really liked her internal dialogue - one of my biggest pet peeves about romances is the heroine NEVER seems to doubt herself or gets an attack of nerves! I remember my first kiss with my husband, I was so nervous I almost didn't want him to kiss me lol.
Moving straight on to part 2 :)
Pamela
Comment Written 20-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I took some big hits for Laila's nervousness. Many reviewers didn't believe it.
Comment from Adrien.vogel
Wow, talk about a cliff hanger. It was well written and everything was well described except Jacob. I think that it would have made the ending even more suspenseful. Other than that it was fantastic.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Wow, talk about a cliff hanger. It was well written and everything was well described except Jacob. I think that it would have made the ending even more suspenseful. Other than that it was fantastic.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Jacob with be well described in part two. Thank you for your kind review.
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Oh! Im happy there will be a part two. Great Story.
Comment from SeLF
This young, immature woman is worrying herself to the brink of a full blown anxiety attack. I laughed out loud at the phrase "what if he's really an assassin for hire", and there should be a question mark at the end of that sentence, yes?
I found tension in her having told him so much about her, while she appears to know so little about him, other than that he's eleven years older than she, divorced with no children, and a marine biologist (or so he says). What has red lights flashing for me is that he paid for her flight ticket and the hotel room. And he was right on time. He's either a really nice guy, or a well organized sociopath.
(Although, he would have used a credit card to pay for the flight and the hotel, but was the name on the card Jacob Kraft?)
Shouldn't "Kitten, I love you, too" be in double quotation marks rather than the single'?
I think you can help me with this next question. Are you using quotation marks to indicate that she is speaking aloud to herself in the hotel room? Because in other parts of the story where she is thinking or remembering, you use italics.
Well, you've definitely piqued my curiosity. I'll have to read Part Two now just to find out what happens!
Laila comes across, to me, as a bit of an airhead instead of a recent college graduate, and that's the only reason for my four star rating.
SeLF
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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This young, immature woman is worrying herself to the brink of a full blown anxiety attack. I laughed out loud at the phrase "what if he's really an assassin for hire", and there should be a question mark at the end of that sentence, yes?
I found tension in her having told him so much about her, while she appears to know so little about him, other than that he's eleven years older than she, divorced with no children, and a marine biologist (or so he says). What has red lights flashing for me is that he paid for her flight ticket and the hotel room. And he was right on time. He's either a really nice guy, or a well organized sociopath.
(Although, he would have used a credit card to pay for the flight and the hotel, but was the name on the card Jacob Kraft?)
Shouldn't "Kitten, I love you, too" be in double quotation marks rather than the single'?
I think you can help me with this next question. Are you using quotation marks to indicate that she is speaking aloud to herself in the hotel room? Because in other parts of the story where she is thinking or remembering, you use italics.
Well, you've definitely piqued my curiosity. I'll have to read Part Two now just to find out what happens!
Laila comes across, to me, as a bit of an airhead instead of a recent college graduate, and that's the only reason for my four star rating.
SeLF
Comment Written 18-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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I used single quotes around 'Kitten, I love you too.' because she was remembering him saying it. He wasn't in room saying it to he. Yes, the quotes she was speaking to herself, Not thought, it was italics. As for her behavior, please read some of my reviews. Many of the ladies who reviewed me identified with her, so there are a lot of us who are airheads, sorry. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Judian James
Oh, I loved all her second thoughts Barbara. Every one quite classic as to how a woman in her position would think
It was so good and I hate that you left me hanging ...
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Oh, I loved all her second thoughts Barbara. Every one quite classic as to how a woman in her position would think
It was so good and I hate that you left me hanging ...
Comment Written 18-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your review. Some readers have liked the second thoughts, then some have hated them. This post has taken a life of it's own. I will post part 2 with Saturday or Sunday.
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Yes, I wrote a poem called "The Doorway" and it involved two strangers that met in a doorway to get out of the rain, and before they separated, they kissed! My fans wanted more of the Doorway couple ... It turned into a book of seventeen different poems tracing their lives to a very surprising, shocking finale. I never expected to write a poetic soap opera but the fans all loved it!! Hurry and post the next part.
Comment from stephenie khan
really nice...reminds me of old days getting ready for meeting a man i did not know....you can really feel the tension in your story...it feels as if you really experienced this situation...and the hurt that you felt in story with the ex-boyfriend's infidelity...wold like to read more
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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really nice...reminds me of old days getting ready for meeting a man i did not know....you can really feel the tension in your story...it feels as if you really experienced this situation...and the hurt that you felt in story with the ex-boyfriend's infidelity...wold like to read more
Comment Written 18-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Part two will be posts either tomorrow evening or Sunday. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from miss joyce
This has amazing imagery and storyline. I could accept her uncertain feelings about the meeting, and the powerful pull of her heart strings as her mental intellect fought her love feelings. Thanks for sharing it and wishing you much success with the manuscript.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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This has amazing imagery and storyline. I could accept her uncertain feelings about the meeting, and the powerful pull of her heart strings as her mental intellect fought her love feelings. Thanks for sharing it and wishing you much success with the manuscript.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
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You are most welcome!
Comment from prophetess
This is a very believable story Barbara, the emotions she feels about meeting a man she met on the internet are accurate, I've tried it.Lol. There is just the right amount of apprehension and the questions she asks herself are reasonable for the situation. I look forward to part two.
Prophetess
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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This is a very believable story Barbara, the emotions she feels about meeting a man she met on the internet are accurate, I've tried it.Lol. There is just the right amount of apprehension and the questions she asks herself are reasonable for the situation. I look forward to part two.
Prophetess
Comment Written 18-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. My reviews have been all over the place. Either they liked it and thought it was believable or said no way.
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The ones who say no way, have obviously never had the experience. Lol. Trust me, it's VERY believable.
