The Starting Point
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Six become friends"A lonely Call Girl
12 total reviews
Comment from rmdelta
grace,
another excellent chapter, my friend. Strong descriptives provide us with some great imagery, good dialogue. Well done
Reggie
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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grace,
another excellent chapter, my friend. Strong descriptives provide us with some great imagery, good dialogue. Well done
Reggie
Comment Written 14-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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thank you so so much
Comment from ulster3
Hi wierdgrace.
Obviously, these are no ordinary children. You are writing this so quickly, I'm having a job keeping up, but it is full of suspense that I do not want to miss.
Fondly, Rebecca
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Hi wierdgrace.
Obviously, these are no ordinary children. You are writing this so quickly, I'm having a job keeping up, but it is full of suspense that I do not want to miss.
Fondly, Rebecca
Comment Written 13-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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you are right my friend
Comment from Readywriter52
All six of the children have contacted each other. They have become very best friends. Since no one believes they have brothers, they decided to keep their contact a secret. Finally, a stranger contacted them. Perhaps he can explain who they are.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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All six of the children have contacted each other. They have become very best friends. Since no one believes they have brothers, they decided to keep their contact a secret. Finally, a stranger contacted them. Perhaps he can explain who they are.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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so true, watch for the next one
Comment from deepwater
Johnny closed his eyes and a figure that looked just like him, appeared in his mind's eyes. what great writing wierdgrace better and better Gary
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Johnny closed his eyes and a figure that looked just like him, appeared in his mind's eyes. what great writing wierdgrace better and better Gary
Comment Written 13-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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you are right
Comment from Deejharrington
I love this new twist. Terrific idea to have the six be telepathic. And all extemely intelligent. They could take over the world! The last sentence is the only one I'm a little confused with. Who was awakened by a new voice? the parents or the boys?
deb
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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I love this new twist. Terrific idea to have the six be telepathic. And all extemely intelligent. They could take over the world! The last sentence is the only one I'm a little confused with. Who was awakened by a new voice? the parents or the boys?
deb
Comment Written 13-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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true, lets see what happens
Comment from WordsPoeticallyWorth
To find in mind reiterating kind is sign to line of sibling reciprocating nursing conversing nurturing of intellect subject dialect! I enjoyed greed read of planted seed in head said! Love love. Bye.
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reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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To find in mind reiterating kind is sign to line of sibling reciprocating nursing conversing nurturing of intellect subject dialect! I enjoyed greed read of planted seed in head said! Love love. Bye.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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hope u have read the other chapters, thanks
Comment from Ponder
Hi WeirdGrace,
The story continues nicely.
Here are my suggestions.
appeared in his mind's eyes. (mind's eye.)
They had some children's talk, telling where they lived and whom they played with. (would be better to say, 'they talked for a while, as children do.' or something like that)
Into Johnny's mine-eye (mind's eye)
all laughing and telling where they were. (all laughing and speaking about where they lived)
They were all extra smart having no trouble with school and as they grew older, they were very careful not to tell anyone about their brothers who they had never seen in person but who they all knew just as though they had been raised together. (this needs to be two sentences, break between the boys being smart and them being careful not to tell others about each other.)
They all found out that to talk to their child was all that was needed for the child to mind, (this sentence doesn't make any sense to me, can't figure it out)
Also, you have too many sentences that start with 'they'.
This story is shaping up very interestingly.
Good luck at the hospital, I hope it isn't anything too serious :)
Jules
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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Hi WeirdGrace,
The story continues nicely.
Here are my suggestions.
appeared in his mind's eyes. (mind's eye.)
They had some children's talk, telling where they lived and whom they played with. (would be better to say, 'they talked for a while, as children do.' or something like that)
Into Johnny's mine-eye (mind's eye)
all laughing and telling where they were. (all laughing and speaking about where they lived)
They were all extra smart having no trouble with school and as they grew older, they were very careful not to tell anyone about their brothers who they had never seen in person but who they all knew just as though they had been raised together. (this needs to be two sentences, break between the boys being smart and them being careful not to tell others about each other.)
They all found out that to talk to their child was all that was needed for the child to mind, (this sentence doesn't make any sense to me, can't figure it out)
Also, you have too many sentences that start with 'they'.
This story is shaping up very interestingly.
Good luck at the hospital, I hope it isn't anything too serious :)
Jules
Comment Written 13-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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thank you for the help
Comment from Ann Smith
This is an interesting read about the boys and how they are aware of each other. I'm glad they are good kids and smart. It will be fun to follow them as they grow. I hope everything will be okay with your hospital visit. ann
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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This is an interesting read about the boys and how they are aware of each other. I'm glad they are good kids and smart. It will be fun to follow them as they grow. I hope everything will be okay with your hospital visit. ann
Comment Written 13-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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thank you so so much
Comment from bluedragon776
Great chapter. I just had a few suggestions.
I think this should be mind's eye not eye.
...in his mind's eyes.
Same here:
Into Johnny's mine-eye--should be mind's eye.
Good luck with rest of chapter.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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Great chapter. I just had a few suggestions.
I think this should be mind's eye not eye.
...in his mind's eyes.
Same here:
Into Johnny's mine-eye--should be mind's eye.
Good luck with rest of chapter.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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thank you so much
Comment from Aletheia
This was a good story, but I was a little confused. So they were all born at the same time (sextuplets) and then adopted by different parents? I've always heard that twins share feelings even when they are separated. Interesting story and good luck with the contest! B :)
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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This was a good story, but I was a little confused. So they were all born at the same time (sextuplets) and then adopted by different parents? I've always heard that twins share feelings even when they are separated. Interesting story and good luck with the contest! B :)
Comment Written 13-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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true, you will see soon, did you read the first couple of chapters, it will tell a lot
