The Starting Point
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "The Babies Six"A lonely Call Girl
9 total reviews
Comment from gramalot8
I am loving this first draft for this chapter. I feel sorry for baby #3 who went to the Hollywood couple. I hope Johnny is so sweet he changes their minds about what they really want and need. Look forward to your revisions and additions.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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I am loving this first draft for this chapter. I feel sorry for baby #3 who went to the Hollywood couple. I hope Johnny is so sweet he changes their minds about what they really want and need. Look forward to your revisions and additions.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2010
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they will come in soon, same chapters with rev.one
Comment from ulster3
Hi wierdgrace.
Excellent! It is so amazing all the different reasons people have for wanting a child. Even the grandfather wanted to carry on his own name (I think this is a fairly common thing wished for in families). It is always a pity when babies are only wanted for selfish reasons. You are writing a suspensful story, but I see your subtle and well done interwoven thought of the idea of selfish reasons.
Hugs. Fondly, Rebecca
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2010
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Hi wierdgrace.
Excellent! It is so amazing all the different reasons people have for wanting a child. Even the grandfather wanted to carry on his own name (I think this is a fairly common thing wished for in families). It is always a pity when babies are only wanted for selfish reasons. You are writing a suspensful story, but I see your subtle and well done interwoven thought of the idea of selfish reasons.
Hugs. Fondly, Rebecca
Comment Written 11-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2010
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just wait for more...
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am not sure where you are going with this, but I will follow. I am sure you have a plan.
going to join her husband who had left to go to his job before the baby arrived. (left for his job)
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2010
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I am not sure where you are going with this, but I will follow. I am sure you have a plan.
going to join her husband who had left to go to his job before the baby arrived. (left for his job)
Comment Written 10-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2010
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thank you,
Comment from Ponder
Hi wierdgrace,
Again, I think this is a super plot and I can't wait to see where you are going with it. Here are a couple of things I noticed - commetnts in brackets.
The nurse, who thought on the jet, was the mother of this week old baby, going to join her husband who had left to go to his job before the baby arrived. (this sentence needs work, "the nurse, who thought...")
Delpha had worn loose clothing and spread it out to the help she was with child. ( this sentense also needs work, some words missing between 'help' and 'she'. Spread it out should be spread it about, perhaps)
Can't wait for the next one,
Jules
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2010
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Hi wierdgrace,
Again, I think this is a super plot and I can't wait to see where you are going with it. Here are a couple of things I noticed - commetnts in brackets.
The nurse, who thought on the jet, was the mother of this week old baby, going to join her husband who had left to go to his job before the baby arrived. (this sentence needs work, "the nurse, who thought...")
Delpha had worn loose clothing and spread it out to the help she was with child. ( this sentense also needs work, some words missing between 'help' and 'she'. Spread it out should be spread it about, perhaps)
Can't wait for the next one,
Jules
Comment Written 10-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2010
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thank you, I hope to have second draft done soon
Comment from Readywriter52
I'm not sure what this means - "who thought on the jet"
"was wished away" should be "was whisked away"
Many different people adopted the six babies. Each one will have a unique life.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2010
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I'm not sure what this means - "who thought on the jet"
"was wished away" should be "was whisked away"
Many different people adopted the six babies. Each one will have a unique life.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2010
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I need to stop until I get my test finish
Comment from Shirley McLain
Very good chapter. Full of descrition and held my interest. Your characters are strong and you brought the to life. I did not find any spag. Good job.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2010
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Very good chapter. Full of descrition and held my interest. Your characters are strong and you brought the to life. I did not find any spag. Good job.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2010
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thank you so so much
Comment from Scornwell
It sounds like an interesting premise for a story but where it is headed is hard to tell from here. It was a lot to take in a short span, but I got the gist of it. There was one part of a sentence that I kind of stumbled over"the fifty thousand for the bought baby was no trouble" As I said, I just stumbled over it and had to read it a couple of times. I thought something like "the fifty thousand they spent to buy the baby ..." Just my opinion. I will be interested to see where this goes.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2010
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It sounds like an interesting premise for a story but where it is headed is hard to tell from here. It was a lot to take in a short span, but I got the gist of it. There was one part of a sentence that I kind of stumbled over"the fifty thousand for the bought baby was no trouble" As I said, I just stumbled over it and had to read it a couple of times. I thought something like "the fifty thousand they spent to buy the baby ..." Just my opinion. I will be interested to see where this goes.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2010
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thank you for your help, I will work on them next week, doctors test have me out of it
Comment from Charlene0513
To weirdgrace,
This con't story brings much trials and hardships to these six babies born and given up to adoption, while facing the adjustments/routines and mating with their new found families.
The luck of the draw is that they were all born healthy tots.
Good fabrication bringing to light those that need to nuture them.
Charlene
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2010
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To weirdgrace,
This con't story brings much trials and hardships to these six babies born and given up to adoption, while facing the adjustments/routines and mating with their new found families.
The luck of the draw is that they were all born healthy tots.
Good fabrication bringing to light those that need to nuture them.
Charlene
Comment Written 09-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2010
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yes it does, and we will see
Comment from Deejharrington
The stage is set, we know the basics of where each of the babies went, good families and not so good. You've laid the ground work for a great story. I can't wait for the plot to develop.
deb
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2010
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The stage is set, we know the basics of where each of the babies went, good families and not so good. You've laid the ground work for a great story. I can't wait for the plot to develop.
deb
Comment Written 09-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2010
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thank you so so much
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you're welcome
deb
