The Starting Point
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Time has come"A lonely Call Girl
7 total reviews
Comment from ulster3
Hi wierdgrace.
I think you know I seldom miss any of your work. However, I have a shoulder problem that limits computer time in terms of keyboard. I'm glad to have read this excellent chapter. I like your descriptives and especially :
nine months to the night the stranger had left his deposit.
Fondly, Rebecca
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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Hi wierdgrace.
I think you know I seldom miss any of your work. However, I have a shoulder problem that limits computer time in terms of keyboard. I'm glad to have read this excellent chapter. I like your descriptives and especially :
nine months to the night the stranger had left his deposit.
Fondly, Rebecca
Comment Written 09-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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my shoulder and back is really back now, so I have a real problem setting here long, so I understand, thank you for reading.
Comment from Ponder
Hi weird Grace,
I see from your author notes that this is the first draft - again the only suggestion I have is to add more details, maybe some descriptive prose about the home or the girl to allow the reader to become more emotionally attached to the character and the tale?
Jules
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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Hi weird Grace,
I see from your author notes that this is the first draft - again the only suggestion I have is to add more details, maybe some descriptive prose about the home or the girl to allow the reader to become more emotionally attached to the character and the tale?
Jules
Comment Written 08-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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yes, and it needs lot of work, thank you
Comment from Readywriter52
The girl has been sent to a home by her pimp to have her baby. They plan to sell it. When she gets so large, they imagine it might be twins. I take it that she hasn't seen a doctor for her pregnancy. A MRI would have told them if it was a multiple birth. By the end of this chapter, she is ready to give birth.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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The girl has been sent to a home by her pimp to have her baby. They plan to sell it. When she gets so large, they imagine it might be twins. I take it that she hasn't seen a doctor for her pregnancy. A MRI would have told them if it was a multiple birth. By the end of this chapter, she is ready to give birth.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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so short, but that is why I posted to chapters, too tight to check for more babies,
Comment from gramalot8
Really enjoyed what I was able to read. Immediately feel empathy for the girl. Great imagery. Hope to read more about her and find out how many children she did have. Makes one really angry at the creeps out there that do this kind of injustice to young girls. I like your style.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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Really enjoyed what I was able to read. Immediately feel empathy for the girl. Great imagery. Hope to read more about her and find out how many children she did have. Makes one really angry at the creeps out there that do this kind of injustice to young girls. I like your style.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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thank you , I will start working on errors, after finished posting. thank you again
Comment from Ann Smith
This story seems to be getting more momentum as you go along. It is sad that the birth has to be under these circumstances. The details are good and I can feel the agony of the mother. ann
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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This story seems to be getting more momentum as you go along. It is sad that the birth has to be under these circumstances. The details are good and I can feel the agony of the mother. ann
Comment Written 07-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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thank you
Comment from harleyangelbrat
This is another interesting part of your story. It is intriguing and expressive. I really enjoyed reading it very much. It is an excellent read, God bless you!
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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This is another interesting part of your story. It is intriguing and expressive. I really enjoyed reading it very much. It is an excellent read, God bless you!
Comment Written 07-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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thank you so much
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You are welcome. Have a blessed day. Marilyn
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am on a different computer and it's driving crazy, I hope this review makes sense. I am not sure it will,
They put her in a room to herself the last three weeks. (Is this sentence out of place?)
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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I am on a different computer and it's driving crazy, I hope this review makes sense. I am not sure it will,
They put her in a room to herself the last three weeks. (Is this sentence out of place?)
Comment Written 07-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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yes, I thought it should be in another, I will change soon
