The Starting Point
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Girl Makes $500"A lonely Call Girl
9 total reviews
Comment from Ponder
Hi WeirdGrace,
Another good chapter, looks like the girl is in trouble, I hope it works out for her.
Why are all your chapters so short? this is an interesting story, you could afford to flesh out the prose a bit, I think.
Jules
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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Hi WeirdGrace,
Another good chapter, looks like the girl is in trouble, I hope it works out for her.
Why are all your chapters so short? this is an interesting story, you could afford to flesh out the prose a bit, I think.
Jules
Comment Written 08-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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thank you so much and it was short so I could leave it at a good place, that is why I posted two chps on the same day. thank you for reading, more $ I guess
Comment from rmdelta
grace,
great chapter, my friend. Very strong dialogue and the imagery is terrific. REally nice writing, Grace.
Reggie
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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grace,
great chapter, my friend. Very strong dialogue and the imagery is terrific. REally nice writing, Grace.
Reggie
Comment Written 08-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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you are the best thanks
Comment from harleyangelbrat
This is a very interesting story. It is expressive and descriptive which makes for a great read. I love how you put so much in just a few paragraphs. It always leaves me wanting to read more. Excellent read, God bless you!
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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This is a very interesting story. It is expressive and descriptive which makes for a great read. I love how you put so much in just a few paragraphs. It always leaves me wanting to read more. Excellent read, God bless you!
Comment Written 07-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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thank you so much
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You are very welcome. I hope you have a blessed day. Marilyn
Comment from suzzy
good chapter easy to follow -am wondering who the man was but obviously got her pregnant and with what. you always leave me with lots of questios so i want to read more -good job weird grace
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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good chapter easy to follow -am wondering who the man was but obviously got her pregnant and with what. you always leave me with lots of questios so i want to read more -good job weird grace
Comment Written 07-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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more to come soon, this is a real surprise as it happens, more and more
Comment from Readywriter52
The pimp is as dumb as the girl is if he didn't realize that she was pregnant. Maybe this will be a way to get free from her life.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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The pimp is as dumb as the girl is if he didn't realize that she was pregnant. Maybe this will be a way to get free from her life.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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so true
Comment from Soledadpaz
Period after "time." You could hear him as he went down the hall, pounding on the doors and shouting his orders to get up. Period after "moments" "Looking at the money she had, she knew she would be in the man's favor.." Period after "girls" She went window shopping..."
Good story line, makes you feel sorry for the poor girls.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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Period after "time." You could hear him as he went down the hall, pounding on the doors and shouting his orders to get up. Period after "moments" "Looking at the money she had, she knew she would be in the man's favor.." Period after "girls" She went window shopping..."
Good story line, makes you feel sorry for the poor girls.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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thank you for your help,
Comment from bowls
How upsetting! That poor girl! Of course, you've stopped this chapter just at the right time - when the reader wants to know what will happen. Just a few details you might want to fix up: In paragraph four, the money was ON the dresser (not n). Later on you write IN THE OLD MONTHS. I'm not sure what you meant. cold? HEAVIER GIRLS DRESSES: GIRLS' would be the correct form.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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How upsetting! That poor girl! Of course, you've stopped this chapter just at the right time - when the reader wants to know what will happen. Just a few details you might want to fix up: In paragraph four, the money was ON the dresser (not n). Later on you write IN THE OLD MONTHS. I'm not sure what you meant. cold? HEAVIER GIRLS DRESSES: GIRLS' would be the correct form.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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so so true, and this does happen, more to come that will shock you thank you for the 4 starts
Comment from adewpearl
tapped on the door, a man's voice - change the comma to a period to avoid a run-on
git up, it's time - add apostrophe for contraction
looking at the money she had, - change comma to period
typo - the money n the dresser - in
Being pregnant certainly is not a good spot for this girl to be in and will not make her pimp any money - perhaps her being sent to a girl's home will be a good thing. Brooke
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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tapped on the door, a man's voice - change the comma to a period to avoid a run-on
git up, it's time - add apostrophe for contraction
looking at the money she had, - change comma to period
typo - the money n the dresser - in
Being pregnant certainly is not a good spot for this girl to be in and will not make her pimp any money - perhaps her being sent to a girl's home will be a good thing. Brooke
Comment Written 06-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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thank you so much for your help
Comment from barbara.wilkey
So she's pregnant by a naked man dropping from the sky. HUMMMMM
"Girl git up, its time," and you could hear him as (comm after girl. I would put a period after time and start the next sentence with; You could....)
Time went on in the old months later, the man told the girl, (Doesn't make sense, what is 'old months later, mabye some months later, but you would need to delet some words.)
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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So she's pregnant by a naked man dropping from the sky. HUMMMMM
"Girl git up, its time," and you could hear him as (comm after girl. I would put a period after time and start the next sentence with; You could....)
Time went on in the old months later, the man told the girl, (Doesn't make sense, what is 'old months later, mabye some months later, but you would need to delet some words.)
Comment Written 06-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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I thought so too, I will fix
