The Starting Point
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Call Girl"A lonely Call Girl
9 total reviews
Comment from Ponder
Hi WierdGrace,
Another good chapter, I would have preferred more details, but I'm a detail hog! Very interesting story and technically perfect, no errors that I could see.
Jules
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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Hi WierdGrace,
Another good chapter, I would have preferred more details, but I'm a detail hog! Very interesting story and technically perfect, no errors that I could see.
Jules
Comment Written 08-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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2nd draft will have lots more detail
Comment from harleyangelbrat
This is very interesting. I don't really like stories with sexual content, but yours never really stated that there was sex between them, so I read on. It is well written and left me wondering who he is. An angel or something else? It's different. I like different. Excellent read, God bless you!
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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This is very interesting. I don't really like stories with sexual content, but yours never really stated that there was sex between them, so I read on. It is well written and left me wondering who he is. An angel or something else? It's different. I like different. Excellent read, God bless you!
Comment Written 07-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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thank you
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You are very welcome. Have a blessed day. Marilyn
Comment from Readywriter52
The strange man has made the girl happy. She took him home, got undressed, but she has no memory of what happened next. However, he left $500. That made her very happy. If she were smart, she'd take the money and run.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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The strange man has made the girl happy. She took him home, got undressed, but she has no memory of what happened next. However, he left $500. That made her very happy. If she were smart, she'd take the money and run.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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that is true, thanks
Comment from Kingsland
Very good. You ended this chapter with a bit of a mystery. I think you have a very good storyline going for you hare. This was another good chapter for this book. I thank you for releasing it. It was a very entertaining piece to have read and writttr3n a review for... John
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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Very good. You ended this chapter with a bit of a mystery. I think you have a very good storyline going for you hare. This was another good chapter for this book. I thank you for releasing it. It was a very entertaining piece to have read and writttr3n a review for... John
Comment Written 05-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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tried, wait to see what is next
Comment from Tellis
I hope she kept some of the money for herself since he over paid so much. I wonder what this man from the stars wanted from her.
Tellis
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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I hope she kept some of the money for herself since he over paid so much. I wonder what this man from the stars wanted from her.
Tellis
Comment Written 05-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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this is the nicest thnk you
Comment from LostAgain
Interesting, I really liked how it built up until the end and then ended in a way you really didn't expect (at least I didn't.) It really makes you wonder where it's going to go from here.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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Interesting, I really liked how it built up until the end and then ended in a way you really didn't expect (at least I didn't.) It really makes you wonder where it's going to go from here.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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thank you for the four stars your the best.
Comment from Shirley McLain
Good story. I am looking forward to reading more. I found one unclear sentence i have pasted below. Good job.
and he dressed pants, shirt and an old coat, no shoes, socks or underwear, just what he could see. > I am not sure what you are saying here.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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Good story. I am looking forward to reading more. I found one unclear sentence i have pasted below. Good job.
and he dressed pants, shirt and an old coat, no shoes, socks or underwear, just what he could see. > I am not sure what you are saying here.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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thnk you so much
Comment from rmdelta
Grace,
another great chapter, my friend. Excellent descriptives scattered throughout provide us great imatery. Filled with lots of valuable information, but with little dialogue. WOuld improve if you allow more use of dialogue. You have a very good handle on using dialogue. Don't stop
Reggie
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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Grace,
another great chapter, my friend. Excellent descriptives scattered throughout provide us great imatery. Filled with lots of valuable information, but with little dialogue. WOuld improve if you allow more use of dialogue. You have a very good handle on using dialogue. Don't stop
Reggie
Comment Written 05-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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thank you so much
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is an interesting plot. I have to give you a 4 because of the mechanical problems.
The man between the buildings could see the man inside the car, the figure stopped the brain inside him working with fine turning, and he dressed pants, shirt and an old coat, no shoes, socks or underwear, just what he could see. (This is one heck of a long sentence. But some of it doesn't make sense. turning, did you mean tuning? and he dressed pants, dressed IN pants? just what he could see. How by just looking at someone could he tell if he had underwear on?)
her brain developed to the life she had been in since she was born. (I think I've mentioned I teach in a ghetto school, well some of my first graders can't read, but they know how to survive on the streets. They are very smart in some ways.)
She quickly propositioned him, he nodded yes, (nodded means yes, you don't need the word yes.)
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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This is an interesting plot. I have to give you a 4 because of the mechanical problems.
The man between the buildings could see the man inside the car, the figure stopped the brain inside him working with fine turning, and he dressed pants, shirt and an old coat, no shoes, socks or underwear, just what he could see. (This is one heck of a long sentence. But some of it doesn't make sense. turning, did you mean tuning? and he dressed pants, dressed IN pants? just what he could see. How by just looking at someone could he tell if he had underwear on?)
her brain developed to the life she had been in since she was born. (I think I've mentioned I teach in a ghetto school, well some of my first graders can't read, but they know how to survive on the streets. They are very smart in some ways.)
She quickly propositioned him, he nodded yes, (nodded means yes, you don't need the word yes.)
Comment Written 05-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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thank you for your help
