Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 50 "Chaper 15; part 2"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
56 total reviews
Comment from Nicnac
Oh, that Steven is a smart one. Intuition is a great thing to follow.
I really enjoyed the imagery in this chapter. I could picture Steven going off to himself, and Matt trying to be there for him.
A few suggestions:
Matt and Ralph studied the maps, hoping to find some clue. (hoping to find a clue)
Michael and Bob returned(,) reporting three Hispanic men guarded the outside of the cabin and it appeared four Hispanic men were on the inside. (You might omit "Hispanic men". It is repetitive and is already clear that the men who took Leya are hispanic) --Just my opinion. ;)
I'm almost to the end! I want Steven to be happy.
Did your recovery from your ankle surgery go well? Yikes! That sounds painful.
Nic
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2010
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Oh, that Steven is a smart one. Intuition is a great thing to follow.
I really enjoyed the imagery in this chapter. I could picture Steven going off to himself, and Matt trying to be there for him.
A few suggestions:
Matt and Ralph studied the maps, hoping to find some clue. (hoping to find a clue)
Michael and Bob returned(,) reporting three Hispanic men guarded the outside of the cabin and it appeared four Hispanic men were on the inside. (You might omit "Hispanic men". It is repetitive and is already clear that the men who took Leya are hispanic) --Just my opinion. ;)
I'm almost to the end! I want Steven to be happy.
Did your recovery from your ankle surgery go well? Yikes! That sounds painful.
Nic
Comment Written 08-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2010
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I am still in a cast, but getting around a little better. I will get on those errors. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from El.Marjie
Hi Barbara,
I guess you're in the middle of your recovery from the ankle surgery. Hope all is going well and that the healing will go fast for you.
I've just read the last three chapters of Tantalizing Eyes, and thoroughly enjoyed them. I can't imagine the embarrassment and humiliation of being kidnapped in a hospital gown! Wow! what a lot of action in that last chapter. I'm happy that Steven and Leya can now pursue their lives together and hopefully live less adventureously. Enjoyed the chapters I read, Barbara. I did notice a couple of spags. The first was in the last chapter during Leya's rescue. kicked opened (open) the door. Nfot sure which chapter the last was in...sorry. as (a) few weeks back Thanks for some enjoyable reading. God bless your recovery and your life. Marjie
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2010
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Hi Barbara,
I guess you're in the middle of your recovery from the ankle surgery. Hope all is going well and that the healing will go fast for you.
I've just read the last three chapters of Tantalizing Eyes, and thoroughly enjoyed them. I can't imagine the embarrassment and humiliation of being kidnapped in a hospital gown! Wow! what a lot of action in that last chapter. I'm happy that Steven and Leya can now pursue their lives together and hopefully live less adventureously. Enjoyed the chapters I read, Barbara. I did notice a couple of spags. The first was in the last chapter during Leya's rescue. kicked opened (open) the door. Nfot sure which chapter the last was in...sorry. as (a) few weeks back Thanks for some enjoyable reading. God bless your recovery and your life. Marjie
Comment Written 22-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2010
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Thank you for catching that error, I appreciate it.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
"The coffee's cold." After taking a drink of coffee, Steven spit it on the ground. --
Out of sequence.
Steven took a drink of coffee and spit it on the ground. "Yuck! It's cold."
"Hey[,] Bob, remember that barn we
"We didn't see her, but there's no doubt the men were guarding someone[,] and there's an older white Ford Explorer hidden under some brush."
Roberta
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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"The coffee's cold." After taking a drink of coffee, Steven spit it on the ground. --
Out of sequence.
Steven took a drink of coffee and spit it on the ground. "Yuck! It's cold."
"Hey[,] Bob, remember that barn we
"We didn't see her, but there's no doubt the men were guarding someone[,] and there's an older white Ford Explorer hidden under some brush."
Roberta
Comment Written 16-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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Your idea of sequencing the coffee is exactly the way I had it and was told to turn it around, so I did. HUMMM, I need to put it back. Thank you for your review.
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Why would Steven say the coffee was cold before he'd tasted it? If he knew it was cold from the temperature of the cup in his hand, then it would be something like, but he took a drink anyway and, deciding it was disgusting, spit it on the ground.
Either seems like a more logical order to me.
Comment from anabelle
Beautiful chapter. I seem to have them in the wrong order, so I already know what happened, but that's all right. :-0
Thanks for the good read.
Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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Beautiful chapter. I seem to have them in the wrong order, so I already know what happened, but that's all right. :-0
Thanks for the good read.
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 09-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I have done that myself.
Comment from Isaiah Ramesses
The story comes to its peek here. I enjoy the suspense and well flowing narration you've crafted.
Well written addition to your book.
Isaiah Ramesses
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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The story comes to its peek here. I enjoy the suspense and well flowing narration you've crafted.
Well written addition to your book.
Isaiah Ramesses
Comment Written 09-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from rama devi
Sorry to hear about our ankles! sending prayers and healing light your way!
This is a very fine chapter in terms of flow, dialog, plot adn character continuity. The writing is good, but can still use some small tweaks and fine tuning.
Reviewing notes-
**May places where commas are either optional and not needed-
-You won't be any good to your wife,(no ,) if you're sick."
-Steven ran his fingers through his short,(no ,) auburn hair. "The last thing she asked me ...,(no ,)" his voice broke,
- I can't explain it, but it was like it would somehow mean something to me. (no sure about the comma before but)
*Matt addressed them, "The one thing I've learned, the longer I'm at this job, is sometimes listening to your heart is the right thing to do. I believe Steven knows exactly where she is."
Slightly awkward and choppy sentence structure. Suggestion to consider-
Matt addressed them, "The longer I'm at this job, the one thing I've learned is sometimes listening to your heart is the right thing to do. I believe Steven knows exactly where she is."
*The sun shone straight over the mountains, when Michael and Bob returned reporting three Hispanic men guarded the outside of the cabin and it appeared four Hispanic men were on the inside.
Also awkward construction. Why not make two sentences?-
The sun shone straight over the mountains. Michael and Bob returned reporting three Hispanic men guarded the outside of the cabin and it appeared four Hispanic men were on the inside.
*"We didn't see her, but there's no doubt the men were guarding someone(,) and there's an older white Ford Explorer hidden under some brush."
*After discussing the weapons they'd seen, M4's were passed out to each man.
Passive voice and lacks a subject. Consider revising.
*He paused,(no ,) before he added, "You, of all people, I thought would understand."
*After he checked his SIG Sauer 9mm, he said, "Your objection is noted." He walked away but stopped(,) checking to make sure his knife was secure in the back of his jeans, then grabbed a headset. "Let's move."
On my way to part three---
love, rd
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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Sorry to hear about our ankles! sending prayers and healing light your way!
This is a very fine chapter in terms of flow, dialog, plot adn character continuity. The writing is good, but can still use some small tweaks and fine tuning.
Reviewing notes-
**May places where commas are either optional and not needed-
-You won't be any good to your wife,(no ,) if you're sick."
-Steven ran his fingers through his short,(no ,) auburn hair. "The last thing she asked me ...,(no ,)" his voice broke,
- I can't explain it, but it was like it would somehow mean something to me. (no sure about the comma before but)
*Matt addressed them, "The one thing I've learned, the longer I'm at this job, is sometimes listening to your heart is the right thing to do. I believe Steven knows exactly where she is."
Slightly awkward and choppy sentence structure. Suggestion to consider-
Matt addressed them, "The longer I'm at this job, the one thing I've learned is sometimes listening to your heart is the right thing to do. I believe Steven knows exactly where she is."
*The sun shone straight over the mountains, when Michael and Bob returned reporting three Hispanic men guarded the outside of the cabin and it appeared four Hispanic men were on the inside.
Also awkward construction. Why not make two sentences?-
The sun shone straight over the mountains. Michael and Bob returned reporting three Hispanic men guarded the outside of the cabin and it appeared four Hispanic men were on the inside.
*"We didn't see her, but there's no doubt the men were guarding someone(,) and there's an older white Ford Explorer hidden under some brush."
*After discussing the weapons they'd seen, M4's were passed out to each man.
Passive voice and lacks a subject. Consider revising.
*He paused,(no ,) before he added, "You, of all people, I thought would understand."
*After he checked his SIG Sauer 9mm, he said, "Your objection is noted." He walked away but stopped(,) checking to make sure his knife was secure in the back of his jeans, then grabbed a headset. "Let's move."
On my way to part three---
love, rd
Comment Written 09-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2010
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I am off to make the corrections as soon as I finish answering my reviews. I have made a hard copy so I don't miss any.
Comment from lchrsh
This is the first of your works that I have read. I enjoyed it very much. It is action-packed and keeps your attention. I like how you ended the chapter with suspense, making the reader anxious to continue the next chapter. I don't see any grammatical errors. Great job!
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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This is the first of your works that I have read. I enjoyed it very much. It is action-packed and keeps your attention. I like how you ended the chapter with suspense, making the reader anxious to continue the next chapter. I don't see any grammatical errors. Great job!
Comment Written 08-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from wierdgrace
I truly see why you get so much great comments on your romance novel, you truly make me what to lie back and read. I tried to save a few chapters so i can read them all together while curled up on my bed, as I have been taking a lot of test, that wear me out. This is great, and can not wait for your next one. I know what you mean, I ly in bed using my laptop, and it is so much harder then my desktop, hope your ankle gets better.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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I truly see why you get so much great comments on your romance novel, you truly make me what to lie back and read. I tried to save a few chapters so i can read them all together while curled up on my bed, as I have been taking a lot of test, that wear me out. This is great, and can not wait for your next one. I know what you mean, I ly in bed using my laptop, and it is so much harder then my desktop, hope your ankle gets better.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind well wishes. I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from dmjones
Good chapter. I like how you left it because now I want to read to find out what happens when Steven arrives at the little cabin. I have a feeling there will be a lot of action.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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Good chapter. I like how you left it because now I want to read to find out what happens when Steven arrives at the little cabin. I have a feeling there will be a lot of action.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from RazberryBullet
ACTION!!! Yes, the boys are helping Steven find Leya. Hopefully, this will be the last encounter with the baddies!
Well done!
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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ACTION!!! Yes, the boys are helping Steven find Leya. Hopefully, this will be the last encounter with the baddies!
Well done!
Comment Written 08-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your review.
