Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 49 "Chapter 15; part 1"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
58 total reviews
Comment from Nicnac
How dare they hit my Steven!
I can feel the tension in the air. Everything is about to blow - and I just hope Steven (or Leya) isn't in the middle of things when it does.
Those guys who have Leya are scumbags. I hope they get what's coming to them.
Suggestions:
I wonder if I complained about how uncomfortable that chair is, if they'd do something about it. (Omit the 2nd 'if')
Matt paced and thought, before he said, (Perhaps you could just state "Matt paced".)
The last paragraph mentions 'cabins' and 'river' several times. The repetition is a little distracting. Maybe change the last sentence to: Matt and Steven took the three remaining cabins.
I bet they'll soon locate Leya and the dirtbags that are holding her. I can't wait till Steven, Matt and the guys sock-it to them!
Nic
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2010
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How dare they hit my Steven!
I can feel the tension in the air. Everything is about to blow - and I just hope Steven (or Leya) isn't in the middle of things when it does.
Those guys who have Leya are scumbags. I hope they get what's coming to them.
Suggestions:
I wonder if I complained about how uncomfortable that chair is, if they'd do something about it. (Omit the 2nd 'if')
Matt paced and thought, before he said, (Perhaps you could just state "Matt paced".)
The last paragraph mentions 'cabins' and 'river' several times. The repetition is a little distracting. Maybe change the last sentence to: Matt and Steven took the three remaining cabins.
I bet they'll soon locate Leya and the dirtbags that are holding her. I can't wait till Steven, Matt and the guys sock-it to them!
Nic
Comment Written 08-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2010
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I will make those corrections. I bet Steven wishes you were there to comfort him, don't you think? Thank you for your kind review.
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Yeah - he misses me.
He's jealous of Joe.
I need to find some kind of balance.
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I see so reason you can't enjoy all they each have to offer, but then again.......
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Yeah - that's my thinking - but they each want me to themselves. Selfish. Their mamas didn't teach them the art of sharing.
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Men are so childish when it comes to sharing.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
When a person has a severe concussion, he loses memory of the immediate past. Steven is acting too coherent for a severe concussion. A slight concussion makes you sick and dizzy and nauseated, including vomiting.
He attempted to stand[no comma] but[,] with his head still spinning[,] he almost fell.
"As for the current situation[,] I'm speculating Carlos is responsible for Leya being kidnapped."
and stated[,] since he was contracted to marry Leya[,] he should inherit Hector's
hours to find Leya[no comma] before she's in real danger."
Roberta
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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When a person has a severe concussion, he loses memory of the immediate past. Steven is acting too coherent for a severe concussion. A slight concussion makes you sick and dizzy and nauseated, including vomiting.
He attempted to stand[no comma] but[,] with his head still spinning[,] he almost fell.
"As for the current situation[,] I'm speculating Carlos is responsible for Leya being kidnapped."
and stated[,] since he was contracted to marry Leya[,] he should inherit Hector's
hours to find Leya[no comma] before she's in real danger."
Roberta
Comment Written 16-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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I will recheck those areas. Thank you for the review.
Comment from Auroraboreal800
What a nice chapter! I loved the dialogue in this chapter. It has a natural flow... Keeps the reader's attention. I really liked it.
:)
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2010
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What a nice chapter! I loved the dialogue in this chapter. It has a natural flow... Keeps the reader's attention. I really liked it.
:)
Comment Written 03-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2010
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Siddhartha Jatana
So interesting a title..."Tantalizing Eyes"...
Good job!
I liked the elegant romantic feel in the piece...
So fresh...
So exuberant...
Mind wrenching!
Wonderful imagery...
Potent content..
Great effort!
Keep it up!
sid
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2010
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So interesting a title..."Tantalizing Eyes"...
Good job!
I liked the elegant romantic feel in the piece...
So fresh...
So exuberant...
Mind wrenching!
Wonderful imagery...
Potent content..
Great effort!
Keep it up!
sid
Comment Written 03-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2010
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from anabelle
Leya's had quite the last few months. Poor girl. I'm sure she's terrified. I can't imagine being kidnapped by a drug cartel and being brought to someone who's already beaten you up twice. She's resourceful though, so if she can find anything to wear besides a hospital gown, I'm sure she can find some way to get away from them.
Thanks for the good read.
Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2010
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Leya's had quite the last few months. Poor girl. I'm sure she's terrified. I can't imagine being kidnapped by a drug cartel and being brought to someone who's already beaten you up twice. She's resourceful though, so if she can find anything to wear besides a hospital gown, I'm sure she can find some way to get away from them.
Thanks for the good read.
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 02-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2010
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You're welcome.
Comment from keithchris
While they were watching the tape, it is said that the bad guys thought that he was an innocent bystander who could identify them. If he could identify them then they would have killed him. Shouldn't it be an innocent bystander who could not identify them? Just a thought.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2010
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While they were watching the tape, it is said that the bad guys thought that he was an innocent bystander who could identify them. If he could identify them then they would have killed him. Shouldn't it be an innocent bystander who could not identify them? Just a thought.
Comment Written 02-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from eliz100
This was a great read from beginning to end. Early in the chapter you talked about Leya being dismissed. A better word for that is discharged from the hospital.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2010
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This was a great read from beginning to end. Early in the chapter you talked about Leya being dismissed. A better word for that is discharged from the hospital.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your review and you are right about the word discharged.
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
Pretty beautiful write. I hardly criticize on minor grammatical errors, they are negligible. The content, theme, expression and effort count. You have done marvels, again.
I am loving this book.
Great going
K
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2010
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Pretty beautiful write. I hardly criticize on minor grammatical errors, they are negligible. The content, theme, expression and effort count. You have done marvels, again.
I am loving this book.
Great going
K
Comment Written 01-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from FredCollingwood
Looks like Peggy is getting her just due. I was engrossed from beginning to end, and it wasn't too long. I looked for spags, but found none. Well done.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2010
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Looks like Peggy is getting her just due. I was engrossed from beginning to end, and it wasn't too long. I looked for spags, but found none. Well done.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and continued support. I appreciate both.
Comment from dmjones
This is really good dialogue that kept this chapter going. It didn't seem long at all. It went at fast pace which seemed right for the action here. Good writing.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2010
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This is really good dialogue that kept this chapter going. It didn't seem long at all. It went at fast pace which seemed right for the action here. Good writing.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate the kind words coming from you.
