Things past
Rambling thoughts while in the grips of a headache37 total reviews
Comment from Krugerrand
Gosh, when I have a migraine, all I can think about is 'make it stop!'.
Interesting perspective...there might even have been a movie made about this.
Couple suggestions:
To embark on Icarus dream bus,. ..To embark the Icarus dream bus. (no need for 'on', it's understood by the use of the word 'embark')
Not only old people think the past is everything and not only young people believe in the future and nobody can live like a stubborn wild horse only in the present.
This last is just awkward. Suggesting a slight word change and breaking it up into separate sentences for more impact.
It's not just old people who think the past is everything. It's not just young people who believe in the future. And nobody can live like a stubborn wild horse only in present.
Not one.
Or something along those lines.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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Gosh, when I have a migraine, all I can think about is 'make it stop!'.
Interesting perspective...there might even have been a movie made about this.
Couple suggestions:
To embark on Icarus dream bus,. ..To embark the Icarus dream bus. (no need for 'on', it's understood by the use of the word 'embark')
Not only old people think the past is everything and not only young people believe in the future and nobody can live like a stubborn wild horse only in the present.
This last is just awkward. Suggesting a slight word change and breaking it up into separate sentences for more impact.
It's not just old people who think the past is everything. It's not just young people who believe in the future. And nobody can live like a stubborn wild horse only in present.
Not one.
Or something along those lines.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 25-May-2010
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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Thanks so much for your excellent input, Adina
Comment from AlvinTEthington
There's a slight anamnestic quality to this story, as well as a metaphorical one. Oh, if we could only check our baggage in the overhead compartment! You point out the importance of reminiscence. The last paragraph sums up the story quite well.
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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There's a slight anamnestic quality to this story, as well as a metaphorical one. Oh, if we could only check our baggage in the overhead compartment! You point out the importance of reminiscence. The last paragraph sums up the story quite well.
Comment Written 25-May-2010
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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Thanks so much Alvin, your input means a lot
Adina
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You're welcome.
Comment from The Ghostwriter
I liked your first line: There are three-dimensional components to human consciousness. Sign me up for a dream trip! Headaches often proceed day-trips, for some reason. If you go to bed with a headache, you wake up with a story, it seems.
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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I liked your first line: There are three-dimensional components to human consciousness. Sign me up for a dream trip! Headaches often proceed day-trips, for some reason. If you go to bed with a headache, you wake up with a story, it seems.
Comment Written 25-May-2010
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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Thanks , I have had a vivid imagination ever since a kid and also I have had migrains for just as long....
Comment from sigambri
Exceptional! I love the imagery, the fantasy and the referrences to history.
This paragraph stands out:
Now get your dreams and memories out of the box - do not even worry about any Customs - instead release them in the unaffected and forgiving nature of your own garden.
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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Exceptional! I love the imagery, the fantasy and the referrences to history.
This paragraph stands out:
Now get your dreams and memories out of the box - do not even worry about any Customs - instead release them in the unaffected and forgiving nature of your own garden.
Comment Written 25-May-2010
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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Thanks so much
Comment from constanta
Beautiful imagery and excellent ude of the language
i love the Last paragraph
Not only old people think the past is everything and not only young people believe in the future and nobody can live like a stubborn wild horse only in the present.
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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Beautiful imagery and excellent ude of the language
i love the Last paragraph
Not only old people think the past is everything and not only young people believe in the future and nobody can live like a stubborn wild horse only in the present.
Comment Written 25-May-2010
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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Thanks
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very easy read. (You best read the contest rules again.) Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very easy read. (You best read the contest rules again.) Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 25-May-2010
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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Thank you so much C_Lucas, I beleve the rules are prety accomodating
Adina
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You're welcome Adina. Charlie
Comment from bard owl
This is a very imaginative contest entry. I like your idea of a dream vacation - literally. If only nightmare exclusions applied! Your work is both clever and unique. Best of luck to you. Blessings, Linda
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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This is a very imaginative contest entry. I like your idea of a dream vacation - literally. If only nightmare exclusions applied! Your work is both clever and unique. Best of luck to you. Blessings, Linda
Comment Written 24-May-2010
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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Thanks Lisa :)
Comment from fionageorge
Wow, this was a terrific write, and I actually applied the closing of the eyes, and the landing in that meadow. Taking my memories and dreams. Thank you for such a inspiring story/essay. It took my to another place. That is one way of dealing with headaches.
Good luck in the contest and warmest regards,
Marijke
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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Wow, this was a terrific write, and I actually applied the closing of the eyes, and the landing in that meadow. Taking my memories and dreams. Thank you for such a inspiring story/essay. It took my to another place. That is one way of dealing with headaches.
Good luck in the contest and warmest regards,
Marijke
Comment Written 24-May-2010
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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you are so kind , I truly appreciate your support
Adina
Comment from ffrasure
Your imagery and allusions were splendid. The story flowed fairly well until I reached "junk in your trunk"; I felt this phrase halted my reading pace and caused me to stumble a bit. I had an image of a rapper getting ready to break out of the text. Your writing is well on it's way and I look forward to reading more of your work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Your imagery and allusions were splendid. The story flowed fairly well until I reached "junk in your trunk"; I felt this phrase halted my reading pace and caused me to stumble a bit. I had an image of a rapper getting ready to break out of the text. Your writing is well on it's way and I look forward to reading more of your work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-May-2010
Comment from RebelRose
You have really made a profound point in your last paragraph. The presentation as a whole is well done. I thoroughly enjoyed this.
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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You have really made a profound point in your last paragraph. The presentation as a whole is well done. I thoroughly enjoyed this.
Comment Written 24-May-2010
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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thank you so much RebelRose
