Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 48 "Chapter 14; Part 2"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
55 total reviews
Comment from Nicnac
Fabulous statement at the end. ;)
Well, I believe Leya is finally opening up and allowing love to envelop her.
Her eating the desert before dinner is sooo me! lol
That woman sure does eat a lot!
One suggestion... and I don't know if it should be in this chapter or another... but perhaps Leya needs to grieve a little over the loss of her father - even though he was a wretch. She killed her father, but not much is mentioned about it - or how she feels about being the one who pulled the trigger. You may have already written this into a future chapter, but thought I'd mention it.
Nic
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2010
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Fabulous statement at the end. ;)
Well, I believe Leya is finally opening up and allowing love to envelop her.
Her eating the desert before dinner is sooo me! lol
That woman sure does eat a lot!
One suggestion... and I don't know if it should be in this chapter or another... but perhaps Leya needs to grieve a little over the loss of her father - even though he was a wretch. She killed her father, but not much is mentioned about it - or how she feels about being the one who pulled the trigger. You may have already written this into a future chapter, but thought I'd mention it.
Nic
Comment Written 08-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2010
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I did causually mention in another chapter, but I will look into it. Thank you for your review. How many of us are emotional eaters?
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Both my hands are raised. lol Aren't we all? ;)
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
Good chapter. I didn't spot any spags. It's bad enough that Carlos feels like he can beat up anyone he wants, but what kind of father allows that to happen to his own daughter!
roberta
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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Good chapter. I didn't spot any spags. It's bad enough that Carlos feels like he can beat up anyone he wants, but what kind of father allows that to happen to his own daughter!
roberta
Comment Written 16-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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Leya's father is a piece of work. Thank you for your kind review. I am glad you are up and running again.
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Up and crawling is more like it!
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I understand. Since I can't walk without a walker, my son's room is across the hall and every time I get out of bed, he yells, "Mom, what are you doing?" I think I have a humor short story coming next.
Comment from midgev
Although this is the first of this I read, I did get a good picture of the characters. The dialog is amazing, moves smoothly and very natural. I also like the fact Leya likes to eat. Your description of it adds depth to her character. For me, even walking in the middle of the movie it was a great read!
reply by the author on 26-May-2010
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Although this is the first of this I read, I did get a good picture of the characters. The dialog is amazing, moves smoothly and very natural. I also like the fact Leya likes to eat. Your description of it adds depth to her character. For me, even walking in the middle of the movie it was a great read!
Comment Written 26-May-2010
reply by the author on 26-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Earthwriter
i have read a couple of the previous chapters and it is hard to just read bits and pieces, but i feel you do a excellent job in this genre
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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i have read a couple of the previous chapters and it is hard to just read bits and pieces, but i feel you do a excellent job in this genre
Comment Written 25-May-2010
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from eliz100
This was a great read from beginning to end. I really like your definition in the last sentence. I just want to shake Leya and tell her Steven really loves her.
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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This was a great read from beginning to end. I really like your definition in the last sentence. I just want to shake Leya and tell her Steven really loves her.
Comment Written 25-May-2010
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and continued support.
Comment from ulster3
Hello Barbara.
I'm pleased to let you know that I was able to easily pick right up again with this story. I believe that is attributable to your excellent writing skills. The story line is fascinating and I had to read every word of this chapter. Thanks for a good read.
Fondly, Rebecca
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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Hello Barbara.
I'm pleased to let you know that I was able to easily pick right up again with this story. I believe that is attributable to your excellent writing skills. The story line is fascinating and I had to read every word of this chapter. Thanks for a good read.
Fondly, Rebecca
Comment Written 25-May-2010
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
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Definitely a pleasure for me to write following such a good read. :)
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Thank you.
Comment from rama devi
Second review
Thanks for letting me know you made edits.
First review (FOUR stars)
A very endearing chapter.
Good character development, dialog and flow.
A few spag nits, formatting typos and suggestions-
*so the incident would disappear.(NO LINE BREAK)
Jaime had a broken arm and a broken collarbone.
*"There were others(other) times?"
*She rolled on to her side away from him9,) and Steven sat in the chair beside her bed.
*A few moments later, Ralph walked into the room and raised an eyebrow(,) and Steven grinned.
* He sat down,(no ,) before he continued, "Marriage is hard.
*He made a mistake(;) are you going to punish him to a life sentence without parole?
LOVELY sentiment, well expressed-
Love is like any other growing thing. It has to work its way through the manure to blossom.
Nice tone and tenor.
Love, rd
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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Second review
Thanks for letting me know you made edits.
First review (FOUR stars)
A very endearing chapter.
Good character development, dialog and flow.
A few spag nits, formatting typos and suggestions-
*so the incident would disappear.(NO LINE BREAK)
Jaime had a broken arm and a broken collarbone.
*"There were others(other) times?"
*She rolled on to her side away from him9,) and Steven sat in the chair beside her bed.
*A few moments later, Ralph walked into the room and raised an eyebrow(,) and Steven grinned.
* He sat down,(no ,) before he continued, "Marriage is hard.
*He made a mistake(;) are you going to punish him to a life sentence without parole?
LOVELY sentiment, well expressed-
Love is like any other growing thing. It has to work its way through the manure to blossom.
Nice tone and tenor.
Love, rd
Comment Written 25-May-2010
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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I made the corrects, but a couple of those sentences are the way they are because other reviewers said they needed to be that way. I am about ready to through commas in the garbage can. Thank you for your review.
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Upgraded--- there are different schools of thought regarding commas and some are optional.
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Thank you for understanding.
Comment from Awatef
This is a great piece of work. It reminds me of arranged marriages that take place in Middle East, Except we don't shoot our fathers.
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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This is a great piece of work. It reminds me of arranged marriages that take place in Middle East, Except we don't shoot our fathers.
Comment Written 25-May-2010
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from nora arjuna
hi bab, glad to catch this in time. life's crazy for me at the moment.
so steven is still having a hard time convincing leya. she's not making it easy huh?
just a suggestion:
He made a mistake[, but] are you going to punish him to a life sentence without parole? Hasn't he paid enough [for that mistake-suggest delete]?"
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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hi bab, glad to catch this in time. life's crazy for me at the moment.
so steven is still having a hard time convincing leya. she's not making it easy huh?
just a suggestion:
He made a mistake[, but] are you going to punish him to a life sentence without parole? Hasn't he paid enough [for that mistake-suggest delete]?"
Comment Written 25-May-2010
reply by the author on 25-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and continued support. I appreciate both.
Comment from Connie P
I had failed to understand why Leya had such a hard time forgiving Steven for an obviously trumped up "indiscretion" but considering what she's been through with Carlos and her father, it's clear. Steven's attempt to explain love, using manure as a comparison was very mannish ...
Note: collar bone (collarbone)
Great chapter,
Connie
reply by the author on 24-May-2010
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I had failed to understand why Leya had such a hard time forgiving Steven for an obviously trumped up "indiscretion" but considering what she's been through with Carlos and her father, it's clear. Steven's attempt to explain love, using manure as a comparison was very mannish ...
Note: collar bone (collarbone)
Great chapter,
Connie
Comment Written 24-May-2010
reply by the author on 24-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I just found out that collarbone is one word. Thank you...
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'I just found out that collarbone is one word.'
I'm laughing like crazy, isn't it amazing the little things that either stand out or don't LOL,
Connie
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Very true. I have been spelling it wrong my whole life and I'm a teacher. That's scary. Thank heavens I only teach first grade, so we don't use that word often, how about never.
