Josey's story
Railroad near Tucson, Sonora desert, 1881 (Long!!)31 total reviews
Comment from Perp Ihebom
This is an enriching and interesting account of a spectacular survival . The boy, Josey was rescued from the very jaws of death. Strong contender for the strong character contest. kudos
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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This is an enriching and interesting account of a spectacular survival . The boy, Josey was rescued from the very jaws of death. Strong contender for the strong character contest. kudos
Comment Written 23-May-2010
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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Thank you Perp, for these very encouraging words! I am truly glad you liked. Thanks again - Cally :)))
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
What a dreadful situation for a youngster to find himself in. Alone in the desert without water, food or shelter.
He obviously had to be a strong character to survive.
i like that he story is true.
Juliette
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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What a dreadful situation for a youngster to find himself in. Alone in the desert without water, food or shelter.
He obviously had to be a strong character to survive.
i like that he story is true.
Juliette
Comment Written 23-May-2010
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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Hi Juliette, Thank you so much for the great review! But don't worry - the story is not true - pure fiction. Thanks again - Cally :)
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That's a relief.
Juliette
Comment from c_lucas
You pretty well kept your characters in place. Depending on the season, two hours would do a person in on the Sonoran Desert. I enjoyed your story. It was well written.
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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You pretty well kept your characters in place. Depending on the season, two hours would do a person in on the Sonoran Desert. I enjoyed your story. It was well written.
Comment Written 23-May-2010
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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Thank you so much, Charlie, for reading and reviewing. Wow! two hours? That quick? I am in England so relied on google for my info! Thanks again - Cally :)
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Every summer, we lose illegal immigrants and tourist. It you are not use to our weather, have two gallons of water with you, per person. You were pretty factual. You're welcome. Charlie
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form, good flow, good storyline that i enjoyed reading. it could have been a true story for the times. i wish you luck in the contest
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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this is very well written with good form, good flow, good storyline that i enjoyed reading. it could have been a true story for the times. i wish you luck in the contest
Comment Written 23-May-2010
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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Thank you sooooo much, sweetwoodjax, for your glowing review! I really appreciate such good comments from such a good writer! - Cally :)
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Wonderful story. You did a wonderful job writing bought this lad's journey.
"Now I want you to be quiet as a mouse Josey, no matter what happens. You might hear shouting and screaming, you may even hear gunshots, but you stay here, and you don't move, and do you know why you shouldn't move?"
"No Mother, but..."
"There is no need for you to move, my sweet darling" she cradled his head in her hands. "Right now, the Lord is looking over you, and he knows what to do" she whispered before she kissed him on the cheek. "He will help you, you will see. Now, quiet as a mouse, mind! Shhh!" (Each peerson's dialogue gets a new paragraph.)
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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Wonderful story. You did a wonderful job writing bought this lad's journey.
"Now I want you to be quiet as a mouse Josey, no matter what happens. You might hear shouting and screaming, you may even hear gunshots, but you stay here, and you don't move, and do you know why you shouldn't move?"
"No Mother, but..."
"There is no need for you to move, my sweet darling" she cradled his head in her hands. "Right now, the Lord is looking over you, and he knows what to do" she whispered before she kissed him on the cheek. "He will help you, you will see. Now, quiet as a mouse, mind! Shhh!" (Each peerson's dialogue gets a new paragraph.)
Comment Written 23-May-2010
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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THANK YOU so much for this very encouraging review, Barbara. I have corrected according to your suggestion - cheers, Cally :)
Comment from K. L. Bauman
Great story! Your scenes wer vivid and believable. So powerful when his mother died--so sad. I didn't notice too many spags--just a couple here and there with punctuation, so maybe give it another read-through to check on that. Otherwise, great work! And, I admire the amount of time you took for the research, as well.
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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Great story! Your scenes wer vivid and believable. So powerful when his mother died--so sad. I didn't notice too many spags--just a couple here and there with punctuation, so maybe give it another read-through to check on that. Otherwise, great work! And, I admire the amount of time you took for the research, as well.
Comment Written 23-May-2010
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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Thank you for reading and reviewing, K. L. Bauman. Your encouraging comments are truly appreciated. Thanks for the spag tip - will do! Thanks again - Cally :)
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
Wow. A good contest entry, some grammar nits are there, but in a long story it tends to happen. The good things is your grip and overall it serves the theme.
Well done
K
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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Wow. A good contest entry, some grammar nits are there, but in a long story it tends to happen. The good things is your grip and overall it serves the theme.
Well done
K
Comment Written 23-May-2010
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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Thanks Kashif, I much appreciate your time and consideration in reviewing - Cally :)
Comment from apelle
Excellent
this was a wonderful writing, Great descriptives allowed for such an easy read. Strong character development. Well done.
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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Excellent
this was a wonderful writing, Great descriptives allowed for such an easy read. Strong character development. Well done.
Comment Written 23-May-2010
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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Thank you for your extremely encouraging comments apelle! Very glad you enjoyed and reviewed - Cally :)
Comment from Shirley McLain
Very intense story. It read well and your character was excellent. Your descriptions of what was happening brought the pictures to my mind. I enjoyed reading your story and i did not find any spag.
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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Very intense story. It read well and your character was excellent. Your descriptions of what was happening brought the pictures to my mind. I enjoyed reading your story and i did not find any spag.
Comment Written 22-May-2010
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, your time and consideration are really appreciated! Very happy you enjoyed! - Cally :)
Comment from adewpearl
I'm going to be honest - when a story is this long, I just read it - I don't do a close check for SPAG.
Only capitalize Mother when used like her name. I love you, Mother. Don't when it is not used as her name - He loved his mother.
I lived in Tucson for several summers and Christmases with my stepmother, who had to move there for her health and loved to visit Tombstone - I think you describe setting extremely well and use it effectively to enhance the plot. I can see from your author's notes that you worked to make your story historically and geographically authentic, which I always appreciate in historical fiction. I also like the way you get into this boy's mind, to show the hardships he suffered. Brooke
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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I'm going to be honest - when a story is this long, I just read it - I don't do a close check for SPAG.
Only capitalize Mother when used like her name. I love you, Mother. Don't when it is not used as her name - He loved his mother.
I lived in Tucson for several summers and Christmases with my stepmother, who had to move there for her health and loved to visit Tombstone - I think you describe setting extremely well and use it effectively to enhance the plot. I can see from your author's notes that you worked to make your story historically and geographically authentic, which I always appreciate in historical fiction. I also like the way you get into this boy's mind, to show the hardships he suffered. Brooke
Comment Written 22-May-2010
reply by the author on 23-May-2010
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Hi Brooke, thanks for the honesty, but I am just very pleased that you read it and enjoyed it! I didn't plan it to be this long but got so carried away, I loved researching and writing this!
Thanks for the tip about mother and Mother. I never knew that! Is it the same for Father ??
I am so relieved to hear you say that I had got the setting right!! I have never been to Arizona / Tombstone, so it looks like all that research paid off (it took me longer to research for this than to write it - seriously!)
Thanks so much for reviewing, it is so much appreciated. You nearly always tell me something I didn't know and are really helping me to learn, THANK YOU! - Cally x
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You're most welcome :-)
Yes, it's the same with any relative's name.
I love you, Uncle. My uncle is a cop.
You're my best friend, Father. I think my father is drunk.
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Thanks. Have a great rest of the weekend! - Cally :)
