Poor Steven
Roommates try to find a girl for a friend.15 total reviews
Comment from Ponder
Hi Author,
LoOl, this is the first 'non preachy' story I've read in this contest, I thought it was imaginative and realistic. It is well told and well written with no mistakes that I can see.
Good luck in the contest,
Jules
Hi Author,
LoOl, this is the first 'non preachy' story I've read in this contest, I thought it was imaginative and realistic. It is well told and well written with no mistakes that I can see.
Good luck in the contest,
Jules
Comment Written 12-May-2010
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi,
I am a fan of the short story that tells so much with little. This one is no exception. You developed your characters well and even made this reader feel bad for poor Steven. Then there is Nigel! Well done and good luck in the contest....chey
Hi,
I am a fan of the short story that tells so much with little. This one is no exception. You developed your characters well and even made this reader feel bad for poor Steven. Then there is Nigel! Well done and good luck in the contest....chey
Comment Written 12-May-2010
Comment from adewpearl
These really do sound like a group of college guys, trying to hook their friend up, bantering teasingly with each other, Nigel not able to resist the young woman who seduces him. :-)
Great way to convey personality through dialogue. Brooke
These really do sound like a group of college guys, trying to hook their friend up, bantering teasingly with each other, Nigel not able to resist the young woman who seduces him. :-)
Great way to convey personality through dialogue. Brooke
Comment Written 12-May-2010
Comment from missy98writer
Writer,
Excellent story you've written for the contest God Intentions - Bad results. The roommates failed in finding their friend, Steven a woman instead Nigel hit on the cute little Latina. Great characterization, descriptive writing and good narrative. Your story is a wonderful story to enter in the contest. Good luck in the voting booth.
Missy.
reply by the author on 12-May-2010
Writer,
Excellent story you've written for the contest God Intentions - Bad results. The roommates failed in finding their friend, Steven a woman instead Nigel hit on the cute little Latina. Great characterization, descriptive writing and good narrative. Your story is a wonderful story to enter in the contest. Good luck in the voting booth.
Missy.
Comment Written 11-May-2010
reply by the author on 12-May-2010
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Thank you, Missy. I appreciate your comments.
Comment from sgalletti
Fun, unique and creative approach to the contest prompt. Go Nigel! "give Steven a hand..." --great play on words. Good luck in the contest. Sue
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
Fun, unique and creative approach to the contest prompt. Go Nigel! "give Steven a hand..." --great play on words. Good luck in the contest. Sue
Comment Written 11-May-2010
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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You're the only one that got the play on words, so far. Thanks for a thorough read.
Comment from anabelle
Interesting take on the contest. It sounds like things didn't quite go the way it was expected.
You have a change of pov. 'Four of us...' first-person. 'The next thing they witnessed...' third person.
Good luck in the contest.
Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
Interesting take on the contest. It sounds like things didn't quite go the way it was expected.
You have a change of pov. 'Four of us...' first-person. 'The next thing they witnessed...' third person.
Good luck in the contest.
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 11-May-2010
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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I just fixed the pov issue. Thanks for pointing it out.
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You're very welcome.
Comment from suneagle
Bad result for Steven, I guess. But good for Nigel. Incidentally, you started in first person narration--Nigel's--but switched later to third person. Did you realise that?
"Jorge, don't the girls you and Matt date, have a friend that we could hook Steven up with?"
(Delete the second comma.)
reply by the author on 12-May-2010
Bad result for Steven, I guess. But good for Nigel. Incidentally, you started in first person narration--Nigel's--but switched later to third person. Did you realise that?
"Jorge, don't the girls you and Matt date, have a friend that we could hook Steven up with?"
(Delete the second comma.)
Comment Written 11-May-2010
reply by the author on 12-May-2010
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Thanks, Suneagle. Thanks for pointing the pov issue out. I missed it when I reread the story, but have since edited it. - Thesis
Comment from wierdgrace
what a great story for this contest, no errors and no revisions, I loved it, the characters and the diolouge well done and well said, good luck in this contest. hope you get many votes.
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
what a great story for this contest, no errors and no revisions, I loved it, the characters and the diolouge well done and well said, good luck in this contest. hope you get many votes.
Comment Written 11-May-2010
reply by the author on 11-May-2010
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Thank you, Grace. I always enjoy your wonderful reviews. Cheers.
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u r so welcome
Comment from Rama Rao
Although your story made good reading you showed only the good intentions part and left out the bad results. Steven, the nerd, was left in the same state as before and nothing bad happened to him. In fact, nothing bad happened to anyone in the story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-May-2010
Although your story made good reading you showed only the good intentions part and left out the bad results. Steven, the nerd, was left in the same state as before and nothing bad happened to him. In fact, nothing bad happened to anyone in the story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-May-2010
reply by the author on 10-May-2010
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Good intentions were to get him a date, bad results were when Nigel kept her for himself.
Comment from Belinda
Good intentions, good results ... for Nigel! Steven remains unattached. Ha-ha, an interesting story for this contest. I wish you luck.
reply by the author on 10-May-2010
Good intentions, good results ... for Nigel! Steven remains unattached. Ha-ha, an interesting story for this contest. I wish you luck.
Comment Written 10-May-2010
reply by the author on 10-May-2010
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Tank you for your kind words.