Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 46 "Chapter 13; part 4"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
60 total reviews
Comment from Nicnac
Sweet!
He is wearing her down. I'm sure all will be well before they leave the hospital.
I really like the interactions between Matt and Steven. They have a witty friendship.
Again, I have no suggestions. Well done.
Nic
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2010
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Sweet!
He is wearing her down. I'm sure all will be well before they leave the hospital.
I really like the interactions between Matt and Steven. They have a witty friendship.
Again, I have no suggestions. Well done.
Nic
Comment Written 08-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I have discovered that others acutally read the reviews people write. I bet they get a kick out of some of ours.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
"Let me put this around you. You're shivering.["]
"Matter-of-fact, -- No dashes. It isn't a compound adjective.
"If you need anything[,] you know where to find me."
Roberta
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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"Let me put this around you. You're shivering.["]
"Matter-of-fact, -- No dashes. It isn't a compound adjective.
"If you need anything[,] you know where to find me."
Roberta
Comment Written 16-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and catching those areas.
Comment from RoxanneCrouse
there is a lot of dialoge but not a lot of description. i have no real idea what the characters look like or what their locations look like. i would add more description and more character atributes to distinguishthem more.
reply by the author on 17-May-2010
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there is a lot of dialoge but not a lot of description. i have no real idea what the characters look like or what their locations look like. i would add more description and more character atributes to distinguishthem more.
Comment Written 16-May-2010
reply by the author on 17-May-2010
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Again, if you had followed this novel through the first 13 chapters you would know what's going on down to the butterfly tatoo on Leya's butt. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Frank Fathom
After reading a few previous chapters I think I've got the gist of this story. I was going to skip it but once I began reading this chapter I could not stop. I have become fixated with this story now. It is outstanding. FF
reply by the author on 12-May-2010
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After reading a few previous chapters I think I've got the gist of this story. I was going to skip it but once I began reading this chapter I could not stop. I have become fixated with this story now. It is outstanding. FF
Comment Written 12-May-2010
reply by the author on 12-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from foreveradalia
Wow this book is totally long, with all your chapters and your parts in the chapters. I enjoyed this chapter even thou not reading the other chapters, but I would love to continue reading the coming up chapters. Good JOB!!!
reply by the author on 12-May-2010
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Wow this book is totally long, with all your chapters and your parts in the chapters. I enjoyed this chapter even thou not reading the other chapters, but I would love to continue reading the coming up chapters. Good JOB!!!
Comment Written 12-May-2010
reply by the author on 12-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from eliz100
This was a great read from beginning to end. There is one small SPAG -If it would've had been anybody else. I don't think you need both would've and had.
reply by the author on 12-May-2010
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This was a great read from beginning to end. There is one small SPAG -If it would've had been anybody else. I don't think you need both would've and had.
Comment Written 12-May-2010
reply by the author on 12-May-2010
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I just added the had last night because somebody told me it needed to be there. I will take it out. I didn't like it there anyway. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Earthwriter
very nicely done my friend i do not review much in this genre, but i thought yours was well developed and presented did not seem forced and true to life
reply by the author on 12-May-2010
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very nicely done my friend i do not review much in this genre, but i thought yours was well developed and presented did not seem forced and true to life
Comment Written 12-May-2010
reply by the author on 12-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from rama devi
Good chapter. It is lucky she fainted so he got a chance to talk to her again in the hospital. The dialog gives this chapter a good flow and it is easy to read.
You've improved a lot in terms of not overusing speech tags unnecessarily.
Just found one spot where I think you can trim off the speech tag, as the reader already knows who is talking.
Relieved to see her conscious, he said,
Maybe try
He was relieved to see her.
Just one comma suggestion (optional, I think)
"If you need anything(,) you know where to find me." He exited the room.
Good chapter, dear.
Warm smiles, rd
reply by the author on 12-May-2010
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Good chapter. It is lucky she fainted so he got a chance to talk to her again in the hospital. The dialog gives this chapter a good flow and it is easy to read.
You've improved a lot in terms of not overusing speech tags unnecessarily.
Just found one spot where I think you can trim off the speech tag, as the reader already knows who is talking.
Relieved to see her conscious, he said,
Maybe try
He was relieved to see her.
Just one comma suggestion (optional, I think)
"If you need anything(,) you know where to find me." He exited the room.
Good chapter, dear.
Warm smiles, rd
Comment Written 12-May-2010
reply by the author on 12-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I think I've mentioned how I hate commas.
Comment from FredCollingwood
INteresting ending. I love so many of the things you do in your writing. I need to take a page out of your writinig book. Things like using attibutions rather that simple speech tags. e.g He rubbed te back of his neck--She blew out a deep breath. Excellent!
reply by the author on 12-May-2010
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INteresting ending. I love so many of the things you do in your writing. I need to take a page out of your writinig book. Things like using attibutions rather that simple speech tags. e.g He rubbed te back of his neck--She blew out a deep breath. Excellent!
Comment Written 12-May-2010
reply by the author on 12-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate you comments. I took a hit from another reviewer. You made my day.
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
A brief sweet story, told in the chapter. Steven proves to be going out of his comfort zone. The dialogues and description were admirable.
K
reply by the author on 12-May-2010
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A brief sweet story, told in the chapter. Steven proves to be going out of his comfort zone. The dialogues and description were admirable.
K
Comment Written 12-May-2010
reply by the author on 12-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
