Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 38 "Combat soldier"A book of Poetry & Writing
48 total reviews
Comment from Earthwriter
nice piece of writing, but i felt this non paragragh syle made for some difficult reading, enjoyed the story didn't love the presentation
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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nice piece of writing, but i felt this non paragragh syle made for some difficult reading, enjoyed the story didn't love the presentation
Comment Written 05-May-2010
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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thanks for your comments
Comment from Isaiah Ramesses
Sounds like it will turn out to be quite the haunting mission. I only found one puntuation problem.
Orders, patrol and guard this war torn town.>>needs a colon instead of a comma
Good job.
Isaiah Ramesses
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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Sounds like it will turn out to be quite the haunting mission. I only found one puntuation problem.
Orders, patrol and guard this war torn town.>>needs a colon instead of a comma
Good job.
Isaiah Ramesses
Comment Written 05-May-2010
reply by the author on 05-May-2010
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thank you
Comment from Ann Smith
The hairs were standing up on the back of my neck, too. I have heard my dad say that very thing about there are no atheists in war. My dad was in WWII and landed on the beaches of Normandy. The details in the story were clear and I could feel the fear. ann
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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The hairs were standing up on the back of my neck, too. I have heard my dad say that very thing about there are no atheists in war. My dad was in WWII and landed on the beaches of Normandy. The details in the story were clear and I could feel the fear. ann
Comment Written 04-May-2010
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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thank you for reading Ann
Comment from CKLA
This is an interesting write. You set the scene and scenario well. The odd writing style was a little difficult to read. It reads more as a poem than a story.
Collette
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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This is an interesting write. You set the scene and scenario well. The odd writing style was a little difficult to read. It reads more as a poem than a story.
Collette
Comment Written 04-May-2010
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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thanks for the comments
Comment from Abio
Dear Deepwater,
If this is your first year as formal writer, I wonder what we will see out from you over the following years.
I define this work as a "hard poem".
It is a kind of free poem, but the short, hard sentences are just enough to picture the scene and more over, the action going on.
You certainly don't need more to be added.
In less that forty short lines you have taken us to share
all the toughs and emotions of a nigh of urban war in Dublin.
Well done.
Different style, effectiveness and behind everything, a poem!
Abio
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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Dear Deepwater,
If this is your first year as formal writer, I wonder what we will see out from you over the following years.
I define this work as a "hard poem".
It is a kind of free poem, but the short, hard sentences are just enough to picture the scene and more over, the action going on.
You certainly don't need more to be added.
In less that forty short lines you have taken us to share
all the toughs and emotions of a nigh of urban war in Dublin.
Well done.
Different style, effectiveness and behind everything, a poem!
Abio
Comment Written 04-May-2010
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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thank you and your most welcome Abio, well not so formal as i'm told from some...smiling
Gary
Comment from tati
It's me again, Gary. To understand better the history of Belfast 1972, I clicked Wikipedia, and read about the Bloody Friday: the name given to the bombings by the Provisional IRA's Belfast Brigade in Belfast on 21 July 1972. Twenty-two bombs exploded, killing nine people (including two soldiers) and injuring 130.
Your poem moved smoothly, with carefully chosen words. You used excellent alliterations here and there: this war /torn town/; /locked and loaded/, and a beautiful internal rhyme /joke and smoke/.
Hope you don't mind me asking. What's mikes? (Can be there in 3 mikes.) In dictionary on line I found three definitions:
1. a forklike support for a light cannon on a sailing ship.
2. any of various devices for measuring minute distances, angles, etc., as in connection with a telescope or microscope.
3. also called mike, micrometer caliper: a precision instrument with a spindle moved by a finely threaded screw, for the measurement of thicknesses and short lengths, commonly used by machinists for turning shafts or boring holes.
Thank you for sharing. Cheers to life.
Warmest wishes, tati, May 05, 2010
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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It's me again, Gary. To understand better the history of Belfast 1972, I clicked Wikipedia, and read about the Bloody Friday: the name given to the bombings by the Provisional IRA's Belfast Brigade in Belfast on 21 July 1972. Twenty-two bombs exploded, killing nine people (including two soldiers) and injuring 130.
Your poem moved smoothly, with carefully chosen words. You used excellent alliterations here and there: this war /torn town/; /locked and loaded/, and a beautiful internal rhyme /joke and smoke/.
Hope you don't mind me asking. What's mikes? (Can be there in 3 mikes.) In dictionary on line I found three definitions:
1. a forklike support for a light cannon on a sailing ship.
2. any of various devices for measuring minute distances, angles, etc., as in connection with a telescope or microscope.
3. also called mike, micrometer caliper: a precision instrument with a spindle moved by a finely threaded screw, for the measurement of thicknesses and short lengths, commonly used by machinists for turning shafts or boring holes.
Thank you for sharing. Cheers to life.
Warmest wishes, tati, May 05, 2010
Comment Written 04-May-2010
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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Tati, mikes are what we use on the radio to tell you the time
3 makes + 3 minutes
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Oh, you're most kind, Gary. Thank you.
tati
Comment from fictionwriter
There are a couple of lines that could use some commas, such as: Rubber bullets tear gas grenades and Kevlar vests. but could be a way of saying it, but just my opinion. Great job.
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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There are a couple of lines that could use some commas, such as: Rubber bullets tear gas grenades and Kevlar vests. but could be a way of saying it, but just my opinion. Great job.
Comment Written 04-May-2010
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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thank you
Comment from vandawalker
This is full of tension. Your use of short, clipped sentences is very effective in creating this. You've given details that also create the suspense, step by step. You are very talented in creating the setting and mood of the story line. Good job.
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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This is full of tension. Your use of short, clipped sentences is very effective in creating this. You've given details that also create the suspense, step by step. You are very talented in creating the setting and mood of the story line. Good job.
Comment Written 04-May-2010
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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thank you for your comments
Gary
Comment from FredCollingwood
I love this kind of story. the only thing I would suggest to make it an easier read, would be to take some time formatting it. Ad dsome line spacing to distinguish paragraphs.
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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I love this kind of story. the only thing I would suggest to make it an easier read, would be to take some time formatting it. Ad dsome line spacing to distinguish paragraphs.
Comment Written 04-May-2010
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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thanks fred will make the changes
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
Despite the odd construction and punctuation errors, this piece does bring the reader right into the scenario.
I appreciate your point about bombs and snipers which always turn atheists into God-fearing men.
I note that you are not prepared to correct errors in punctuation, and syntax so unfortunately can reluctantly, only award four stars.
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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Despite the odd construction and punctuation errors, this piece does bring the reader right into the scenario.
I appreciate your point about bombs and snipers which always turn atheists into God-fearing men.
I note that you are not prepared to correct errors in punctuation, and syntax so unfortunately can reluctantly, only award four stars.
Comment Written 04-May-2010
reply by the author on 04-May-2010
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thank you for your comments
